Strange I haven't checked this site in ages, and got some strange urge thinking of the past and times gone by and what do I see on the front page but Cross and Soldier posting?
Not much to say here. Reading this was nice though. I've met many people since I left here, had a relationship, had a relationship end. While I was here I helped people and got helped, started to start a sub site, found friends who later seemed more like enemies, made other friends that later fell out of contact, tussled with people who were being cruel to someone I cared about when moderation wouldn't step in, almost got banned for life, didn't end up being so, and eventually gave up altogether on ponychan and realized my time here wasn't probably the best thing for me or my life.
Through it all though, I think I evolved a lot as a person so I'm thankful for that.
Through it all, too, I read some of the words here and I realize a deep truth, that despite all the other people I have met and experiences I have had, you guys are a bunch of eloquent speakers. There's some strange sense of solace and articulation to be found in the mannerisms, the wit, the strange sense of camaraderie from afar, and an integrity of minute exchanges that escapes a name. It was a treat of nostalgia and a reassurance that my past here hadn't been simply thrown to the wind. Sometimes I wonder if all the people I tried helping too, in the end were helped in a more permanent way, I like to think at least some of them were. I sort of threw that reputation to the wind though fighting fire with fire, because I could stand it for myself but not someone I cared about, the way some were treated here by mean spirited and personal posts. I think I left that part of myself behind, it was deeply ingrained into me, from upbringing and all else. Be kind to those kind to you and treat terrible your enemies kind of thing. Turns out the 2nd part of that isn't so right after all, oops.
I think the site was at its best when things weren't serious, or dramatic. So I look back at times like when Marmaduke gave me his folder for no other reason than to be nice and let me have fun with it, when I was pretty new to the site. To those that still care, hello. To those that don't, or don't want me here, I won't be long. I of course remember where I spent most my time which was love and advice, but still have mixed feelings about it, it took quite a toll on my personal mental well being and a lot of the people I thought close and honest ended up not being that at all. My relationship with Jasmine too, well, ended up being too toxic for both of us after all was said and done. But I'll say what she said to me once, it was nice to explore each others hearts and minds. And it was nice to share hearts and minds with all you guys. I wish you a fair life journey, I'll always remember your personalities and words, and hope mine had a positive influence. So along and thanks for all the ponies.
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