I just assumed you'd know that when you assume, you make an ass of u and me.
I once used this on a boss who was harassing me over me sign-out time for the day. After I'd bitched that they were demanding the time-cards to be handed in the same day, so we'd have to put down our expected sign-out time and then they'd give us extra shit to do off the clock, so one day I handed in my timesheet with the time-out that would be required to finish my work for the day. It was in his big shitty rich office and he had his lackeys around in there and when he saw my sign-out time (in the future) he said, how do you know you'll be here until this time? I said well, I assumed you wanted accurate information and that's when I'm leaving. He said, You know what happens when you assume right? (referring to the above ass of you and me thing) and my answer was, Yes but it's Waaay too late for that. (implying we, specifically he, were already asses).
His underlings got a good laugh out of that and his expression at having walked right into being called an ass indirectly, was just choice. I'd had enough of his bullshit and I quit some weeks later anyway, but daaam that was fun.
edit: oh yeah I just remembered, I had a fake cigarette lighter that shocks you instead of lighting, and I was having a blast handing it to people at the company and surprising them with a shock. I'd caught him outside and offered him a light, but the damn thing was starting to fall apart from being dropped too many times (he heh) and so I stepped back off the cement onto the grass before handing it to him, and as soon as it shocked him he realized that I'd specifically stepped back as part of the whole setup so it wouldn't hit the pavement. Oh yeah and to lure him into trying it, I said You can't us a crappy little fake lighter like that one (pointing at his cheap lighter), try this one instead.
There's nothing quite like sticking it to the guy giving the orders when the engineers got your back so they can't fire you, ha.
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