Giles Corey - "Grave Filled With Books"
My bookshelf collapsed and I had to repair it. That being said, getting smothered by books is...quite the experience.>>42062959
Asshole(the retarded "everything not radically leftist goes against the wall" one) is on his way out and the ultra right wing "it's all to trigger the libs bro, but for real right wing death squads when?" 22 year old little shit just moved in. There's nothing to
talk about. It's just another fucking thing
I have to put up with.
I would, but right here is...partially where I need to be. I need to actually provide enough data to help complete part of a treatment plan. Also I'd probably have to move to somewhere that isn't where all my psychologists and shit are, and I'm in no state to travel more than 5 miles by myself. I would be an anxious wreck after all that bus travel.>>42062960
To be frank, I'm not entirely sure I'd be ready to talk about anything in a constructive way, and I'd rather not run the risk of being rude to you. Like...I don't want to slap your hand away just because I'm hurting and I have no real outlet for that pain.>>42062961
I mean...you say that but I don't think you quite understand how long I spend lurking just to build my predictive models. Like...if I don't have a predictive model of someone, chances are I'm not going to talk to them; plus it allows me to set up boundaries and let me gauge if talking to them is worth it still. If I can't partially predict someone, I just feel too unsafe and they just read as a threat or...I can't explain this shit to you because you can't understand me on this. I'm sorry for doing this but...like...yeah.
I have to
build predictive models, living with an unmedicated manic depressive for all of my childhood necessitated that. Like...I am just that socially anxious.
I also collect a ton of data for these, hell, I had a folder in my Black Library(my Ponychan archive) that was just people's posts and my notes on context for each post. I've tried to keep up since I lost that hard-drive, but I keep throwing away my hand-written notes. Partially because it feels creepy to do that, truth be told, but it's how I understand you people. Otherwise I see a mass of id's and superegos clashing, with people's Shadows(the Jungian concept of Shadows, by the way, since that's what most posting personas are) just...splayed everywhere. This way, the weird psychological storm that's a constant here makes sense. Because I really don't understand this place. It went from...hugbox to drama farm to an interconnected web of blogs, all by the posters own hands.
This community has always perplexed me, I constantly feel like I'm an anthropologist who's "gone native" because the people she's researching are more like her than the people back "home". I don't understand this place half the time, but part of that is because I don't understand why you people put up with me but not...Steam Twist or Pipes. I mention Pipes because like...no one gives ole' Pipsey as many (You)s as I get, while we basically just use the similar theme of "I don't quite like most things, I'm older, I'm sort of an avatar of the social mores of my area". >>42062962
...I'm fine, okay? I'm just in one of my less happy moods. Usually I'd keep this quiet. I just hate living somewhere where I can't be myself.