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Jul 19: Site Feedback Thread

File: 1430715070252.png (229.07 KB, 1000x1600, 79799 - artist-bamboodog twili…)

## Mod 132209StickyLocked[View]

As per the agreed upon restructuring of Ponychan's board setup following the recent merger, and as outlined in the long discussions and merger documents, /fic/ will be folded into a general >>>/fan/ board for fan-created works.
If you have any questions, comments, or suggestions, please bring them to >>>/site/395 for discussion.


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!!DaringDo ## Mod 128564StickyLocked[View]

Welcome to /fic/, the board for pony fanfiction and all things related to it! If you have any questions or just want to chat, feel free to drop by the #fic IRC.

Rules

  1. Threads and posts should pertain to written fiction.
  2. Threads should not be redundant.
  3. If you request a review of the same story from multiple people, let each of them know you have done so.

Note: All site-wide rules still apply.



File: 1430466959147.png (128.36 KB, 997x248, ft5xp7M.png)

The Lunaverse RainbowDoubleDash 132200[View]

Just dropping in to drop a quick advertisement.

The Lunaverse is the largest collaborative universe on FiMFiction.net - while Fallout: Equestria may have more total stories and authors none of them necessarily connect to one another in the vein of a true series - they're almost entirely independent stories that contradict or trip over one another with no cohesion. Which is perfectly fine, but the Lunaverse is a little different: we're armed with Canon.

That is to say, most stories in the Lunaverse connect in some way to an ongoing larger story in the Lunaverse. Contradictions are minimal, and some stories by different authors even flow from one right into the next. Callbacks and foreshadowing are both used liberally and seen throughout. Furthermore, as we know our audience will largely be adults, we can and do deal with more adult themes in our stories, although the Lunaverse takes deliberate effort to avoid becoming "dark."

The basic premise of the Lunaverse is simple: 1,000 years ago, Celestia fell into greed and paranoia, becoming Corona, the Tyrant Sun. Her younger sister Luna was forced to banish Corona into the Sun, and thereafter ruled Equestria as its sole monarch for 1,000 years. In the Lunaverse's "present," she has taken on an apprentice - Trixie Lulamoon - and when Corona broke free from the Sun, Trixie found herself teaming up with five other mares - Raindrops, Cheerilee, Carrot Top, Ditzy Doo, and Lyra Heartstrings - to acquire the Elements of Harmony in order to defeat Corona.

The Lunaverse's Season 1 is "complete," in that 22 of its 26 stories are finished, including all the ones important to the plot. The Lunaverse also features a "movie fic," called Crisis on Two Equestrias, which is likewise finished. At the moment, the Lunaverse has moved onto its Season 2, of which 14 fics are complete.

Anyway, that's all the shilling I'll be doing. Just wanted to drop in and make sure to spread the word.

Happy reading!

RainbowDoubleDash 132201

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>>132200
And it just occurred to me that a URL might be helpful.

http://www.fimfiction.net/group/760/the-lunaverse

There ya go.


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What do you think of this? Tailsopony 132193[View]

Can I get some feedback on a thing I wrote? It is definitely clop, so if that's not allowed sorry. I really can't tell from the site rules if linking to a clop story is okay or not… '

So yeah, Mature NSFW and all that:
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/

Please let me know what you think! Fimfic has… special people, and sometimes it's difficult to get any sort of feedback. Thanks!

WB!hS9ZjLM/uE 132195

File: 1430268959207.jpg (20.15 KB, 600x573, brain.jpg)

It isn't.

If you have your password, I would ask you to delete this from this thread and move it to a more appropriate, mature-tagged thread instead. The FAQ on the home page for the site will have instructions for you.

Anonymous ## Mod 132197

>>132195
Nope, Links to nsfw content are allowed as long as there's a disclaimer.

Not that any of it matters since this board is temporary.

Anonymous ## Mod 132198

>>132197

I was tragically misinformed. My mistake for prematurely removing the link. Oops!


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Bathroom Gossip Reviews 132132[View]

#Reviewer

Post a link to a story, tell me how long it is, and leave a short statement about what your major goals were in writing it, and I'll do my best to help you out.

Three rules:

- I will not review stories with scenes intended to sexually arouse the reader. Stories do not need to be explicit pornography to fall under this prohibition.
- I will not review crossovers if they assume reader knowledge of the other background universe(s).
- I will not review the same story more than once. Total or near-total rewrites are the only exception to this rule. (New chapters of previously reviewed stories are allowed.)

As for me, I stick to giving overall impressions and analysis with a focus on improving your storytelling. I do not generally do line-by-line editing, spellchecking, grammar lessons, or large numbers of GDocs comments.

Longfics take longer to review and I reserve the right to skip them to clear the queue of shorter fics first. Depending on how much activity this thread ends up attracting, I may also go on hiatus periodically to avoid burnout.

What happened here? Did private reviewer threads go out of style or something?

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Anonymous 132162

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>>132155

First of all: I wish your statement of purpose had been more detailed and/or useful. You might not want to air all your mysteries to your readers, but since I’m trying to give you some kind of intelligent feedback on your story, it wouldn’t hurt you to crack open the darkroom a little and let me see what’s going on in your head.

Now then. On a first reading, I tried to follow the events of the story--working on the assumption that the story actually had events--and found I was completely unable to.

On a second reading, I think I can discern a character called Darling in the opening and the concept that she’s in bed with him. The theme of sex is conveyed by phrases like “soft rousings powdowned her neithers”, “Loveylosey, have a floozy”, “beside” (bedside), and “Clitted and cracked, she rode the bedozing gray and brown cuddlumpus down” which incidentally gave a clue to the identity of “Darling”.

I took a few years of Latin but I have no clue what “Tenumbria” could be referencing. I could only think of the word penumbra.

Once “A cottage crossed the threshold” I lose all sense of space. I can’t tell at all if this is supposed to be in a dream Luna’s journeying through or what. I did recognize the fragments from the first hundred letter word in Finnegans Wake which supposedly represents the Fall, but I don’t see the relevance.

Next Twilight enters somehow, and also Duckytoy. I don’t understand what’s going on, all I’m understanding is a few references to events from the show, and I also can’t shake the suspicion that if I had watched some of the episodes more than once or twice I would recognize more.

Now we have a more definite reference to Discord, namely the juxtaposition of “Disco” and “hung up by the cord in the rafters”. I don’t understand the phone call, the apoplexy, Groping Oats. Maybe the apoplexy is Applejack somehow.
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Anonymous 132163

>>132162
>Overall I think you were at least half trolling me by submitting this to my thread.
I will admit that Lunnas Ache was an attempt to surpass both Hot Shot and Hugh Jelly in JaAm Adventures [writeoff.me] and A Basilisk For One [writeoff.me] in terms of sheer brain-breakage.

>I took a few years of Latin but I have no clue what “Tenumbria” could be referencing.
tenebrous + umbra

It's very shadowy, okay.

>Now a hundred letter word. Entirely unintelligible to me except for some words that are spelled a bit like “apple” and “pinkie”.
Actually a direct quote from the Wake. Finnegansweb describes it as "applause terms".

>I don’t know what you expected me to be able to say about this thing.
I expect you to die, mr bond.

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Anonymous 132187

bump


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Archives of the Friendquisition [Crossover][Possible Grimdark] Inquisipony Stallius 32807[View]

As you may be able to tell by my chosen moniker, I enjoy me some Warhammer 40K. And the thought of smashing two settings so thematically opposed together... amused me. So it should be no surprise that I've been picking away at something of a crossover fanfic.

Using MLP as the starting point (obviously), I imagined what it would be like if Equestria became more like the Imperium. What I shot for was something in between, with the rough edges of the granddaddy of grimdark, while still retaining some of the ponies' lighthearted, cartoony nature. Hopefully I succeeded.

Unfortunately, I'm something of a sluggish writer on projects as large as this appears to be, so updates will likely be few and far between. Comments, criticisms and suggestions are always welcome. And I've always found encouragement to help motivate me too. ;)
So with probably some further ado, here is chapter one:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1FAOt3C_1FzyQXCFhN2SROaEetUzmGku3K017JD_3Auk/edit?hl=en_US&pli=1
If the response is good, and I get some more written, I'll get it out to other venues.
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Chapter 32 Inquisipony Stallius 131061

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Still plugging away. I don't really expect anyone to read this thread anymore, but it's the most accurate record I have regarding my writing of this story.

But just in case...

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/6584/32/archives-of-the-friendquisition/chapter-32

Bleeding Rain!DROPScczL2 131063

>>131061
whoa, you still update? cool

Chapter 33 Inquisipony Stallius 132186

File: 142959143648.png (1.56 MB, 1024x1536, Sister Of Apple.png)

Sorry if you were hoping to see how the big brawl played out, but I had to get to set this scene up. Unfortunately, it got too long to fit comfortably in one chapter, so the real meat will be in the next one. I'm cautiously optimistic about getting back into a writing groove, so it hopefully won't take as long as this one did.


Pre-reader 63.546"s Equestria Daily Feedback Thread Pre-reader 63.546!vZ.Mh9z92U 128883Locked[View][Last 50 Posts]

#Reviewer

As everyone should know by now, Equestria Daily has gone almost exclusively to short bullet-point reviews, except in cases where only a small number of items need to be corrected for posting. I enjoy giving longer reviews, but can no longer do so through Equestria Daily, so I will post them here. I will only do so for stories that in my estimation would have passed the old automoon system; others will get only the bullet-point treatment in the email.

This thread is only for the authors in question and me. They are free to ask questions or ask me to remove their reviews from the thread for any reason. For any other traffic, I will ask a mod to delete it. General questions about Equestria Daily or the pre-reading process should be posted here:
>>128414

Note that I won't give an exhaustive list of errors; I'll provide a representative list of the types of problems I find and leave it to the author to scour his story for the rest.

To avoid repeating myself, I'll post a few of the more common discussion topics up here; your review may refer you to one or more of these.

Dash and hyphen use:
Hyphens are reserved for stuttering and hyphenated words. Please use a proper dash otherwise. They can be the em dash (Alt+0151) with no spaces around it or en dash (Alt+0150) surrounded by spaces. Some usage (primarily American) employs only the em dash, while other usage (primarily British) employs an em dash for cutoffs and an en dash for asides. It doesn't matter which system an author uses, as long as he is consistent.

Comma use with conjunctions:
There may be other grammatical reasons to place commas, but in the simplest forms, commas accompany conjunctions to separate clauses, not to separate two items of a compound subject, verb, or object. The most common simple sentence forms are:
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Pre-reader 63.546!vZ.Mh9z92U 132207

Note that this list is not comprehensive. I picked out a few examples of each kind of error or problem I found. Of course, not everything is a black-and-white issue; this is not a list of things you have to fix, but take each under advisement.

>the cellist//

Seems odd for Vinyl to refer to Octavia that way. A third-person narrator, sure, but not her best friend.

>red haired//

As a first-person narrator, I'll give her some leeway on certain common grammatical mistakes, since the narration is essentially dialogue, and the errors can be attributed to her and not you. Though there are some that aren't affected by speech, and this is one. When you use a multi-word phrase like this as a single descriptor, hyphenate it.

>gravely//

gravelly

>I’m sure you notice//

Typo.

>in(ironically)//

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Pre-reader 63.546!vZ.Mh9z92U 132208

>>132207
>and ran out to door//
Typo.

>After a few minutes, a brown cab pulled up beside her and she got in, and was whisked away.//

That's some clunky phrasing with those piled-up "and"s.

>cool looking//

Hyphenate.

>and shoulders//

Extraneous space.

>The weirdest thing about it though, was that it fit me.//

Either get rid of that comma or pair it with another before "though."
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Anonymous ## Mod 132210

Moved to >>>/fan/23.


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The Training Grounds: TSSSF Edition 131375Locked[View]

#Reviewer #The Training Grounds

Previous thread: >>128937

Welcome one and all to the Training Grounds, the review thread for authors and reviewers, both newcomers and seasoned veterans alike! Do jump in and participate if you can. New reviewers, editors and authors are always welcome! After a year of low activity we finally hit autosage, and it’s time for a new thread. Put some wood on the fire, sip some cocoa/tea/coffee/wine or whatever your drink is, and let’s ship some ponies get those quills moving.

How to get a review: Post a story with its title, description, tags, and a link to it where applicable. Please include all of these in your post and not just a Fimfiction link to a title page.
Remember that while reviewers love to read, they will often lean towards being critical. Don’t be discouraged—use their criticism to improve your writing!

How to review stories: Write what you think about the story (or review) and post it in a reply. Writers want their work to shine so point out faults with gusto, but don't avoid compliments either—if something makes you smile, a few kind words can add a lot to your review.
Put a * in front of the subject field if you’d like your review reviewed.
[hide] tags are useful for long replies.



How to review other reviews: Put the title of the story being reviewed in the subject line along with the reviewer who wrote it. Say what you think about the review and point out anything you think they could work on, but also tell them what they’re doing right. Support what you say with good sources if you can. Reviewing a review is like reviewing a story, just with a different focus. Don’t be shy if you have something to say. They want your feedback, after all!

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Claiming, "Spectrum" WB!hS9ZjLM/uE 132190

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>>132177

You've waited long enough and, since no one else seems up to it, I suppose it's up to me. This might take some time, as I've got a project on the side I am currently working on, but it will be done.

Let's rock.

Anonymous 132202

Veteran writers here, when is the best time and day to post your new fic for maximum exposure?

Anonymous ## Mod 132211

Moved to >>>/fan/375.


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the necro world 132176[View]

#Collection #Random #scary twisted

the dark sounds came through the night as the mane six head to their beds to sleep. when twilight went to bed, a mysterious mare sneeked into the castle, and stole a ball of dark energy. in the morning, twilight got up from her bed.

" good morning spike: she said streching her legs.
"twilght, have you notice something weird about ponyville lately"
when twilight looked out the window, she say that ponyville was turned into a dark twisted verson of itself.

to be continued.

Anonymous 132178

bro I'm on the edge of my seat, don't leave me hanging... if you don't deliver I'll think ur a faget

Anonymous 132194

And then the giant faggot OP failed to post and the dark twisted world version of Ponyville became a bright and fun again when the sun came up. And everyone fucked.

TEH END


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West Coast / East Coast Reviews 103290[View][Last 50 Posts]

Welcome to the meat grinder, the thunderdome, the jungle, the ninth circle of... yadda, yadda, yadda. This is a review thread, and it features two of the oldest and best, in our obviously humble and totally unbiased opinion reviewers on /fic/. We’re happy to help, but you should probably meet us halfway. So, without further ado, have some...

RULES
FORMATING:
Your post submission should include: Title, Genre Tags, a Synopsis, Word Count, and a Link to the story. We strongly prefer Google Docs. If you give us a picture of words, get fucked Don’t send us pictures of text.

Failure to submit properly will be met with swift retribution. You probably won’t get a review, certainly not from Seattle.

CONTENT:
Anything not allowed on Ponychan (gore, porn, all that good stuff) is not allowed to be posted in this thread. If you have something that falls outside of the acceptable content guidelines of Ponychan, you can email it to either of us, but the review will be done in private. If we hate it, we get to let you know without Ponychan mod intervention. Granted, as you’re probably showing us dicks in this scenario, so that’s a fair trade. Any fics involving Snails, a rock, and a hill, need not apply. Ditto for Onyx Origins / Maverick. Vimbert’s only a
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131210

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>>105879

>mfw I actually made this post

Copyright infringement 132174

>>104671
Well, hello there. This is Ingrid Kostron, the person who created the image your using to advertise your work on google docs. Please be advised that the image is copyright, I own it and you are using it without permission.

Huh. WB!hS9ZjLM/uE 132175

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>>132174

Before we get down to business, let me first say welcome to Ponychan; grab your imaginary muffin, pull up a leather recliner, and enjoy the reading. It isn't often we have non-fans here (I will admit to full assumption here. Do feel free to correct me if I am mistaken), so I am admittedly curious as to why you are here and why you even care.

Has him using the image negatively impacted your business? Has he smeared your name amongst all equine-based artists, turning you into a laughing stock no-one can take seriously?

This line of questioning comes about because, I am assuming (again, correct me if I am mistaken) you must have googled your own name or someone you know has googled your name and cared enough to notice the few MLP based images scattered amongst all the others. Which, to be fair, considering you draw horses for a living, seems should be expected given the current state of the internet right now with us low-brows cluttering up everywhere with the stuff. We even crowd into non-horse related material. We are truly a plague society has not dreamed possible since the Bubonic era.

So, if only to satiate my boredom and admitted curiosity, might I ask why you felt compelled to warn someone who makes no money from your work and, indeed, without whom I would have never even known of your existence, against using your drawing of a horse-skull to make what may be nothing more than a temporary thumbnail to a fictional story that will possibly see no more than a few thousand readers at absolute most?

Sincerely,
WB, one of many low-brow schmucks on the internet.

P.S. I'm sort of glad you showed up because now it allows me to ask a question of the board that's been eating at me forever.

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Is There a Point to Creating Fanon/Head Canon? Anonymous 132172[View]

#Discussion

The following thread is a composition of my ramblings and thoughts on the title subject matter. Subject may drift and deviate from off course into incoherent ramblings, in which case feel free to disregard and mock with no restraint. Thread itself is an exercise of burning off steam in a temporary manner in hopes of earning sympathetic commentary, if there is indeed any to be had.

Pretentious dialogue is inevitable, as such it is advise to the sane readers here to avoid this thread outright entirely if they are not looking forward to perpetuate what will probably end up as a flame thread of little to no value. Expect OP angst in some major form or another. (In this case, prepare your best forum weapons to mock as such accordingly.)

Logical fallacies probably present in some form. Proceed to destroy such items accordingly as you see fit.



-------

As an individual who has been invested with the show and fandom itself since roughly around the Season 1 mid-late game of March-April, I have bore witness to countless fanfiction produced by fan-writers. Within many of the fics were countless worlds and the possibilities, each author having their own mythos woven into the basic fabric that left much open to interpretation. For a person such as myself, the world for this fandom was wondrous and most tantalizing. Never had I seen such a crushing force of creativity given form from a fandom that was so young yet vibrant. I suppose you could say I was enthralled by the sheer scale of possibilities the show's lore allowed for back then.

Perhaps even giddy to some degree.

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Honeycomb!IsDEAd8qpI 132173

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Why so insecure? The point of posting anon is so you can say what you think without having to worry about how you sound to others.

For me, the open-world creativity was also a huge part of the appeal in the beginning. The indeterminacy, the feeling of anything being possible, it was exhilarating. Now there is a lot of canon and if you want to adhere to all of it, it can feel constraining.

To me, George Pollack's Tales remains one of the best fanworks. Some say it has aged badly. I disagree. The wild divergence from canon is a feature, not a bug.

In general I'd have to say that I prefer stories which piss in the face of canon--and more importantly, fanon--and do their own thing uncompromisingly. While such works are usually not remotely plausible within the world of canon, they are more free to have integrity in the sense of being a unified whole. They are free to do what the logic of the story itself dictates should be done, rather than merely following an approved set of tropes and pre-existing ideas that have grown hoary with age.

Many people use OCs for such projects, but OCs don't have the same impact. The key, in my opinion, is to look at the characters of the show more as archetypes than as fully fleshed-out characters. The canon represents merely one set of possibilities for these archetypes to realize, and tells one set of stories that could possibly be told using them. The same goes for the universe, Equestria. It is the world of possibilities, a Dream Land. Equestria is every bit as compelling a setting as Middle-earth. Everything you need to know about Equestria to write about it, you can learn from watching the first two minutes of the pilot episode. What's essential about it is not its exact geography, not that it exists here or there or has these boundaries; what's essential about it is what it means.

I would personally like to see more inventive stories that explore the possibilities for this world and these character archetypes in ways that haven't been explored before. If that means contradicting canon, so much the better.

And maybe I'm too optimistic, but I'm confident that if you give people a good story that contradicts canon, they'll forgive the novelties as long as you can keep them entertained.

Anonymous 132188

tl;dr. Might go back and read it.

Sounds familiar, actually. I have a FiMf account with a few stories but don't write because I couldn't keep up with the fanon, to feel I had made the "right" backstory choices. And then we find later the show's canon destroys not only existing fanon (WHY, for heavens sake, does AJ have a CLOSET FULL of hats?) but makes the entire premise meaningless (alicorns are always made, not born. Hair extensions & mane dyes are known but seldom used)

The extension of canon actually helps the world overall, because the writers have been so consistent, by and large.

But that 100th episode will do a number on FiMf's archive of history, I can tell you now…

So, Anon: two words. These are the two words that leave me free to type new stories every november.

Fallout: Equestria.

The secret is this: Set the world on fire, walk away for enough years that nothing from the show is left, and if noone quite recognizes what they find when they come back, well … blame that on balefire and hatred.

Anonymous 132189

>>132188
2nd comment:

Why do you write? Why do you read? I'm a nopony that nopony has heard of. And yes, I might like to be famous like Sgt Sprinkles but now that moment has passed. Not only is bad writing ignored, there's so *much* of it that no one reads the good stuff either.

It's the curse of self-publishing, really, and why no one likes fan-fiction.

I write because it inspires me. It inspires me to write and yes, that's a bit circular but by this point I've long since given up writing something that others want to read. I'm a real-life snowflake and my writing reflects that; no one knows how to take me so they don't. (mentally insert an image of Pinkie Pie shrugging, here)

As to the actual topic: head cannon. Seriously, how can you not create an understanding of the world you see? Every movie you watch inspires you to create head canon about the plot holes and why it had to be that way.

The question is, how quickly do you forget? Most are content to let it go by the time they get to the car after the movie is over. A select few writers hang on to it for years, churning out novel after novel … most of which are never put to paper let alone shown the light of day. Many fall between the extremes.

But seeing others write, that inspires us too.

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Anonymous 132167[View]

#Author

Oi. What happened to Boomsick Mick?


File: 142686543279.jpg (45.6 KB, 480x360, image.jpg)

So have any of you heard of HalcyonHusky 132153[View]

#Discussion #Crossover

A crossover fic between abridged series like Ultra Fast Pony, Mentally Advanced Series, Friendship is Witchcraft, woth the canon series and/or eachother?


Good fanfics 132106[View]

#Discussion

What are some good fanfics out there? Stories that revolve around either halo, skyrim, WOW, military, humans, or rainbow dash are what interest me the most. But anything

Last edited at Sat, Feb 28th, 2015 22:48

132107

>>132106
I'm afraid I can't point you in any direction for your preferred genres.
And I'm desperately trying to avoid a plotbunny now.

Core 132144

>>132106
Core, https://www.fimfiction.net/story/54469/core,is a solid story about a Officer Training which pretty much no one writes about. In fact the author had to interview several people who went through it to get a decent picture.

It's part of a larger series but as a fic it stands on it's own and covers Rainbow Dash going through officer training in the airforce so she can become a blue angel eventually.


File: 142539748922.jpg (25.69 KB, 453x500, 200595.jpg)

Doing His Duty Wr&H!JMmE5ppk7Y 132109[View]

#Single fic #Normal #Comedy

Welp, looks like FIMFiction is a complete wasteland for getting any kind of meaningful feedback on your story. I tried the FIMFic General on /mlp/ and got no takers, so here I am, /fic/, seeking your help.

I'd like someone to tell me what they think of this ongoing fic I've been working on since October. I tried to go for a balance between mild believability and general silliness, and I'm just not sure if it's actually all that funny. Can anyone help me?

Trigger warning!
-This is a comedy centered around the two most hated characters that I can think of: Blueblood and Flash Sentry. Though, I'll have you know that they aren't interpreted as what you've seen in the show.

-Covers somewhat adult ideas. Not for those easily offended by the idea that our beloved candy-colored equines have sex like all other mammals. It is not, nor will it ever be, straight up clop.

Behold!
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/200595/doing-his-duty

Thank you all for your time.

MintyRest!xMcCHESToY 132124

File: 142630002328.png (32.84 KB, 204x218, 130665547118.png)

I've been looking at this for a week, and I just can't do it.

> ten hundred fifteen.
Made me spin off, looking for notation for how military time would read it, and after distracting me for about an hour:
Your meeting is at 1812 [Eighteen-Twelve] hours.
http://english.stackexchange.com/questions/35006/how-should-one-say-times-aloud-in-24-hour-notation

Which still doesn't entirely make sense, except that your notation says that the time is 1000 15, which is entirely wrong (Ten hundred being 10 o'clock, so 1015 would still be ten fifteen).

If I get that distracted, there's something seriously lacking.

> It was as if he had multiple personality disorder and could call on it like a unicorn calls on magic.
Hrmm... Okay. I'm going to close that emotional closet for you. Because I'm not going to flip out today.

> Flash was immensely proud of his blemish-free record.
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Wr&H!JMmE5ppk7Y 132140

>>132124
Ah. I almost lost hope for this thread.

Let me start with the "in my defense..." stuff
>I really screwed up the military time line, and have no excuse

>It's the job of a guard to be quiet, still, and vigilant all day. That being said, guards can't be all Robocop when they're not guarding anything. The point I was trying to make is that he was trained to suppress his personality while on duty, and he was good at it.

>The first chapter is indeed SoL, but it progressively picks up into an adventure, eventually going the worldbuilding route when the Maretonia arc begins. In the long run, adding the Slice tag for just one or two chapters would be pointless.

>You don't really address how he would live for a thousand years without being affected by the crystal empire

Affected how? Mentally? Because I though this bit explained it well
>"And it's not like "here one moment, there the next" kind of deal." The pegasus went on. "We could walk and talk just like any other day in Equestria, but time just refused to flow. The sun never set, the grass never grew, we never got tired, hungry, or old. Nopony was born, nopony died. Life was just on pause for a while. After the first, I don't know, two hundred years or something we got used to it. I became a hell of a whiz at poker..."

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File: 142630476456.png (120.92 KB, 320x267, 1425693948318.png)

Friday Night Motherbucker Isphone!fq1l/pTkQ. 132127[View]

#Discussion

>Readin'
>Writin'
>Watchin'
>Drinkin'

132128

File: 142630561308.png (303.52 KB, 567x600, 324082__safe_exploitable+meme_…)

>Reading
What Walmart tells me to read. Did you know the trash compactor isn't a fun slide that you can put any part of your body inside of? I didn't know we had a trash compactor until they brought it up.

But not long ago I flipped through my old review thread and read some things. Good old memories.

>Writing
Dick all. I still watch the show, and sometimes I'll visit you guys, but I'm decidedly out of the game.

>Watching
Jo Jo.

>Drinking
Water from the tap, because it's not as far to go as the fridge.

MintyRest!xMcCHESToY 132129

File: 142630671353.png (10.76 KB, 300x300, 133816374251.png)

>>132128
Oh, is that what's going on? Now I see.

>Readin'
See previous two posts. Fluttershy-Sombra & Flash Sentry.
Also EAH fic in tab 3, SwanQueen over in tab 6, Blender Reference Manual, watching for Azula fics in tab 1,

>Writin'
Reviews o'course.
Plus I keep bouncing yet another Winx AU in one hand, EAH Evil Queen on the backburner, and a recent rewatch of Sailor Moon is trying to spawn an unrelated idea of it's own.

>Watchin'
Episode 2 of Nininjer, Die Hard 3, PGSM episode 40 something, I'm putting off the Steven Universe season finale being here, and earlier I was comparing plot hooks set up in the beginning of Kamen Rider Gaim and it's last episode.
For fun.

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132130

File: 142630839176.jpg (54.99 KB, 580x326, samurai-cop-11.jpg)

>>132129
>Corned Beef and Spinach.
I'm jelly. I wish I could eat a good corned beef and cabbage more often. But then again, that causes "rocket farts" as my dad puts it.


Lightening Fluttershy"s Dark Sky 132122[View]

#Single fic #Comedy #Grimdark

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9260226/1/Lightening-Fluttershy-s-Dark-Sky

The third installment of the Fluttershy's Dark Sky series. This one is about Rarity becoming a ninja time god and Fluttershy becoming King Sombra. Nothing out of the ordinary.

MintyRest!xMcCHESToY 132125

File: 142630322549.jpg (34.53 KB, 389x395, 133053542077.jpg)

FF.N huh?
I'm just saying, that's a terrible site to get reviews from. Copy and Paste and all. Still...

Your first paragraph terrifies me to the core. And your story is nice and dense, impenetrable to human eyes.
This is a terrible advertisement for not only this story, but all your stories.

I'm actually not going to read any of it, plus I'm going to try to avoid any of your other works as well.

Why? I kept skimming this chapter you've offered up. I see all caps dialogue used in place of descriptive writing. Ellipsis use with what should be screaming. Onomatopoeia replacing what should be story.

Plus this is the first link I've seen of yours, and it's to a story that would make more sense in the middle of a long running soap opera. You're way past adorably retarded at this point actually.

I pass on this, and anything else you've written. People would have fun MSTing your work, I have better things to do.

MintyRest!xMcCHESToY 132126

File: 142630362480.png (73.4 KB, 380x435, 132657443396.png)

>>132122
I should be nicer.

It's nice that you're a prolific writer.

It's nice that you have interesting ideas of what you want to do with the characters.
It'd be nicer if you let the characters dictate the story, rather than the other way round.

It's nice that you drive the story with dialogue.
It'd be nicer if that dialog was more than HA HA x 23 or all caps screaming more often.

It's nice that your story ideas are unique.
It'd be nicest if it didn't reek of 13 year old power fantasies.


File: 142466436987.jpg (1.67 MB, 5333x3333, falling away.jpg)

A Fond Farewell Bleeding Rain!DROPScczL2 132089[View]

Well, I’m sure the word is well enough out by now for most of you, but I’ve joined the Marine Corps, and I’m headed off for Boot Camp soon March 2nd. I’m signed on for four years of active duty, so I don’t know if I’ll ever see or talk to you guys again. I’m an electronic communications mechanic, so odds are I’ll be able to access a computer now and then, but I can’t be sure so I just want to make sure I’ve said this. I’m gonna miss you all, and as part of my goodbye, I’ve written a short blurb on what I’ll miss the most about all of you. I know some of them don’t seem like it, but these are from the heart, so I hope they’ll help you remember me as much as they help me remember you.

Despite its low traffic and visibility, /fic/ will always be my home as a writer. It’s where I realized how little I knew, and where I learned what I know now. I’ll never forget the people listed here.



Ion-Sturm
The devil of /fic/. Never afraid to be brutally honest with someone. Caustic, blunt, and a cynical asshole to the core. He brought such energy to the board that it was just never the same without him. Also known for his wicked-awesome, creepy gifs. I grew to love those. And the final irony is that when I first came to /fic/ he said I wouldn’t last 200 posts; and while not a single one of my threads has made it that far, I’ve stayed here far longer than he has. Fate has a funny sense of humor. I’ll miss you, Ion.

Roger Dodger
Certainly the most level headed and down to earth member of the old /fic/ crew. Where he led, the crowd followed (even across sites). It felt like a mark of acceptance the day he commented on my first thread.

Ezn
A man I hold the utmost respect for. He wrote very little, but what he wrote was simple and effective. He never aimed very high, and never said much, but simply strove to help others improve, and even wrote one of the most widely recognized writing guides in the fandom. I am proud to have known him.

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WB(a.k.a. Writer's Block)!hS9ZjLM/uE 132095

File: 142482022964.jpg (18.75 KB, 437x322, Pinky and the Brain Photo.jpg)

If life is like a river, then the writers and reviewers of /fic/ are like the stones within its bed, worn down by the current until either the softer rock is peeled away to reveal the brilliance hidden deep inside, or scattered into dust and whipped off into oblivion.

Perhaps this is a gentle current, tearing you from your place in the riverbed and casting you about the waters with all the other stones, before settling back into your place, battered and thinned but still strong as ever. Perhaps it is something stronger, ripping you from your place of comfort and throwing you to someplace new, where different adventures and different stones await your arrival, far from that which was your old home.

I don't know which case shall be truer nor, in the end, which shall give you greater joy. In either event, I shall nonetheless wish you safety and happiness in your endeavors. And, wherever you might go, know you touched those around you in ways both large and small, and know that our well-wishes go along beside you in your journeys.

Farewell for now, Bleeding Rain. I wish you luck, and may you find your place in this odd, odd world we call home.

132104

File: 142493982938.png (199.9 KB, 600x600, 133132332752.png)

A friend of mine said of his military service, "You won't like it, but you won't regret it."

You'll have plenty of time to unplug and mull over what is and isn't important to you. If you've never experienced being physically fit, you'll come to respect the strength of mind that comes with strength of body.

Good luck. I hope you find whatever it is you're looking for.

Ion-Sturm 132110

File: 142545448319.gif (443.04 KB, 500x269, tumblr_lv0tpiWzqB1qzep1ro1_500…)

Good luck out there. Make sure you don't emulate The Samurai and get shrapnel where it doesn't belong, eh?

Do as the picture says, so that we may square off one day in the future. And also because you like this stuff. Hell, send me an email and I'll collect all of the gifs into a .rar for you.


File: 142480491734.jpg (146.73 KB, 840x952, twilight_sparkle_corrupted.jpg)

The Nightmare that Came to Ponyville <Fabled Architect>!xBFIdb9V4Y 132094[View]

#Sad #Dark #Adventure

Ok... I see no one cared about my last thread... so how about this.

Here's my fic, critique if you care. I would be very thankful.

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/249419/the-nightmare-that-came-to-ponyville
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<Fabled Architect>!xBFIdb9V4Y 132101

>>132096
Thanks for the heads up. I don't usually go on these types of sites, but a friend recommended it to me so here I am.

I like to think I'm competent enough to not have to read the instructions, but since you had to tell me this, just shows what i know.

<Fabled Architect>!xBFIdb9V4Y 132102

File: 142488859748.png (801.36 KB, 5000x3457, spoiler.png)

>>132097

ouch, those are some heavy hitters.

The only reason, I added the second description was because Fim Fiction said I had too. (In retrospect I probably could have added a single character to bypass the system)

I already knew there would be some grammatical mistakes because I'm only decent at proof reading, not great. As for the Zecora thing, i did look it up because i wasn't sure, i guess i used a bad source.

As for you not liking it in general. I guess I picked a bad writing style for this fic. Maybe i was trying to get too many ideas down too quickly, or maybe i just suck.


Would you prefer it if i wrote it something like this?

Sweat poured from Twilight's face. It cascaded down her cheeks and along her jaw line where. It finally all came to a halt at her chin where it collected. Slowly it grew and grew until finally the laws of tension could not support a drop of such mass, and it broke away from her skin and embraced the atmosphere. Two large purple eyes fallowed it's progress. The perfect sphere began to warp as air resistance had it's way with the fragile droplet. What was once a circular pearl of complexity had deformed into an oblong blob. The droplet flew toward the ground with a death wish that only the cold hard dirt was willing to oblige. *Splat* Twilight blinked and refocused her efforts on the task at hand. She felt like she'd tried this a thousands times, but that didn't stop her from trying again. With a determined growl, she dug down deep and grasped at the familiar white hot flame that danced just out of reach through the ethereal vale that was the mystical force known as magic. Mental tendrils seamlessly passed through the vale as they had many time before, and curled around the flame securing it in a grip tighter then any vice could ever hope to achieve. The flame seamed to recoil from her grip, It's beautiful dance had degenerated into simple writhing. Now was the time, Twilight dug her hooves into the dirt and pulled with all her might... Nothing, the flame seamed to mock her, licking fire was beginning seep trough the cracks in the iron clad prison she had constructed to hold the flame. A defiant roar burst forth from Twilight's open maw, her grip on the tightened even more squeezing the flame to the p
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132105

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>>132102
Well, it's kind of a run on paragraph and hard to read.
And onomatopoeia like *splat* in prose is really questionable.
fallowed by Intense heat - Combo. Misspelling and capitalization error.
And you end up repetitive really quickly: The, It, and A especially.
It does seem to give the passage a passive voice. The roar explodes out, Twilight doesn't seem to have control over it or anything really. Or her eyes. I never really understood passive and active voice entirely, but this removes the characters capacity to act because they're are no longer choosing to act.
The smirk bursts onto her face, instead of Twilight smirking. It removes her capability to act on the story.

> Is that what your looking for?
No, it's not the events that take place in the story that I have problems with. I'd like to like the story actually.

Oh, you edited it after the last time I looked at it. That's... that's great.

I mean things like this paragraph here:
The party had been great, everyone thoroughly enjoyed themselves, Fluttershy had been surprisingly receptive. Twilight had figured that she would at least want to put it off until tomorrow since she had spent the whole day on the road, But to her surprise no one danced with more enthusiasm then Fluttershy, not even Pinkie Pie herself could out dance her!
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A Split Crescendo Ariamis!vEwx0voSzw 132068[View]

#Single fic #Normal #Human

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/248521/a-split-crescendo

Is this salvageable? Please critique me.
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Bleeding Rain!DROPScczL2 132084

File: 142447355784.png (374.32 KB, 755x709, 137861377949.png)

>>132081
>I want to see the core idea that causes people to start writing a fanfic in the first place.
>The best place to see that is the first chapter.
How many of my stories have you read? Usually the scene I wrote the entire story around doesn't happen until chapter three or four.

Last edited at Sat, Feb 21st, 2015 08:59

Ariamis!vEwx0voSzw 132085

File: 142447579397.png (260.04 KB, 1600x900, daz.png)

>>132081
>All that said, you have the creativity. There is some reason that you started writing this story, and you need to go back to that.

What sent me from the conception stage to production, like I previously mentioned, was change. How much change and what intervals the change takes place in, however, was left out of the equation. Realizing this, I confirmed my doubt about being able to have satisfactory change presented in my writing, one of the reasons I wrote in the first place.

>Don't worry about set up, execution, or themes. Just write the thing that's in your heart.

The problem with that is due to the flawed nature of my core idea that was the basis for my writing. It is flawed at a conceptual level; like you pointed out, I didn't have a set end goal, simply a series of events that lead into each other. In the end, the entire story lost its outline, and I was unable to grasp the flow I wanted.

MintyRest!xMcCHESToY 132091

File: 142477564593.png (216.4 KB, 1080x2117, 132649964027.png)

>>132084
>How many of my stories have you read?
A few if memory serves correctly:
>Usually the scene I wrote the entire story around doesn't happen until chapter three or four.
Let me amend the statement then. I've gotten surprisingly accurate at predicting themes, word choice, pacing, and execution, to tell the general direction of a story from subtle hints set up in the first 500 words; including plot twists and character complexity, from being a reader and having to make snap decisions in that vein for years.

Because people telegraph their writing style. We can't help it. The core idea should permeate the entire work. If you're writing the story because there's going to be a falling out between Twilight and Spike, the seeds of that falling out should be in place early, because that's what the story is about.

The first words of a story should be setting the environment for the bulk of the story. That's why weather reports are so boring. There's a limited number of ways you can say 'It's a sunny day', and if the story is set indoors or on different days, that information is a waste of time.

I don't know how you would end that story, but I should see the structural building blocks of that story at the entry way.

Because otherwise you have pacing problems, or you hate Chekhov's Gun, or any other number of issues that mean that you're not writing with a long term goal in mind.

>>132085
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