I read over part 1. Hoo boy! So many thoughts...
I get the impression that "Anon" is supposed to be a stand-in for (You) as in the reader, but as I almost never go anon, I associate it instead with >>3848
you, the otherwise nondescript writer. As such, rather than simply imagining this as my situation, I'm instead left wondering how accurate it is to your
situation, whether it's a full self insert and the like. e.g. Do you actually drive a corolla (or whatever the car is)? Do you actually live in a small apartment with zero furnishings? Did you actually move from (presumably) the Southwest to somewhere up north? These are the things I'm pondering while reading.
There are a few instances where the voice switches counter to the established greentext format, with ">me" being green and ">you" being purple. This is quite jarring.
I'm curious how well you know your stetson etiquette.
The rapid-fire references are generally interesting. If that's (You), then I'd say I like your taste in movies. However, the presentation
of the references makes me think back to another fanfic I read a LONG
time ago, a "human in equestria" story where memes were a mile a minute and a major part of the plot. I don't remember what it was called, but at times, that's the sort of tone I'm getting. For better or worse, "Jacky" is a tonal rollercoaster.
98% of the story takes place in a single nondescript location. In that location, most of what I'm reading is about the thought processes of the two characters. super detailed thoughts, followed by measured & couched dialogue interspersed with references. I think it would flow better if the thoughts were simply inferred from the dialogue and actions, rather than themselves being the focus of the story.
I would have split Part 1 into about 4 parts. This thing is massive
. approximately 33,000 words. Again, I'm curious, how long did it take you to write this?
In many ways, the protagonist (You) is #relatable. My work, similarly, is a grind. I work, sleep (or try to), struggle to wake up, spend time preparing, and then go back to work, on the perpetual hamster wheel of life. Rather than having a "pet" pony crawling all over me while I'm in bed, I've got my dog constantly snuggling up against me. She doesn't ask for permission; she just pushes her way under my covers and slides next to me, or crawls onto my chest - just like this pony. When I take a shower, my dog plants herself by the door, waiting for me to emerge - just like this pony. a dog that can talk, use tools, has a sense of humor, and has a questionable sex drive - that's kind of how I imagine Jacky.
I'm glad I read it. It was an enjoyable read and I wasn't really bored. But on the other hand, I'm not sure I have the stamina to keep going with the story.
More than what happens next in the story, the thing I'm most curious about is you - the writer.
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