Note that this list is not comprehensive. I picked out a few examples of each kind of error or problem I found. Of course, not everything is a black-and-white issue; this is not a list of things you have
to fix, but take each under advisement.
>wished — for//
Don't leave space on either side of an em dash.
You've got some questionable semicolons. In formal usage, you should be able to replace one with a period and have both resulting sentences stand as complete, but many of yours would result in sentence fragments.
>A sigh of disappointment escaped her lips.//
Beware directly identifying emotion like this. It's often better to demonstrate it through character behavior and appearance, so that the reader can draw his own conclusion—this mimics how people judge each other in real life anyway. But in these "in/with/of emotion" phrasings, there's usually already something in the sentence to convey the mood. Here, the sigh and what she'd been musing already get across disappointment.
>Tempest’s surprise was apparent in her gaze and in her voice.//
Consider you've been using a limited narrator in Tempest's perspective so far. But she can't see her own face, so how does she know what her expression looks like, much less that it's "apparent"? Besides, it doesn't vocalize the emotion well. When you're surprised, you have a "wait, what?" moment, not a calm, "oh, that surprises me." This could stand to come across as more authentic. How she looks isn't going to be her clue as to how she feels anyway. You don't have to look in a mirror to know you're happy, after all.
>she cut her off//
That's already what the dash means. Narrating it as well is redundant.