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Jan 15: Staff Update, and Rules Update

Pre-reader 63.546"s Equestria Daily Feedback Thread Pre-reader 63.546!vZ.Mh9z92U 23[View][Last 50 Posts]


As everyone should know by now, Equestria Daily has gone almost exclusively to short bullet-point reviews, except in cases where only a small number of items need to be corrected for posting. I enjoy giving longer reviews, but can no longer do so through Equestria Daily, so I will post them here. I will only do so for stories that in my estimation would have passed the old automoon system; others will get only the bullet-point treatment in the email.

This thread is only for the authors in question and me. They are free to ask questions or ask me to remove their reviews from the thread for any reason. For any other traffic, I will ask a mod to delete it. General questions about Equestria Daily or the pre-reading process should be posted here:

Note that I won't give an exhaustive list of errors; I'll provide a representative list of the types of problems I find and leave it to the author to scour his story for the rest.

To avoid repeating myself, I'll post a few of the more common discussion topics up here; your review may refer you to one or more of these.

Dash and hyphen use:
Hyphens are reserved for stuttering and hyphenated words. Please use a proper dash otherwise. They can be the em dash (Alt+0151) with no spaces around it or en dash (Alt+0150) surrounded by spaces. Some usage (primarily American) employs only the em dash, while other usage (primarily British) employs an em dash for cutoffs and an en dash for asides. It doesn't matter which system an author uses, as long as he is consistent.

Comma use with conjunctions:
There may be other grammatical reasons to place commas, but in the simplest forms, commas accompany conjunctions to separate clauses, not to separate two items of a compound subject, verb, or object. The most common simple sentence forms are:
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Sledge115 2674

Hey, mate, thanks for the time taken to review my story.

First off, I've always had the nagging feeling of repetition in my writings, but until now I didn't realise it was the repeated use of 'as'!

Massive thanks for the character voices tips, I suppose it's something rather noticeable now that I'm going through all of the bits of dialogue.

Overall, though, the problem I'm having with character voices lies in the fact that I'm struggling to balance the formal, royal tones with their characterisations. Anna, for example, is much like her namesake, except a tad bit more formal, and there the line sort of blurs between formal and casual and of course, avoiding anachronisms.

The email mentioned back from Mars. Do I try to resubmit it as 'back from mars'?

At the end of it, I cannot state enough how thankful I am for the feedback. Cheers!

Pre-reader 63.546!vZ.Mh9z92U 2677

Yes, one of the pull-down menus on the submission form is whether the story is a new or returning submission, and one of the choices has language about it being back from Mars. Use that one, as it helps flag it as something that's largely problem-free, and it won't require as much scrutiny.

Pre-reader 63.546!vZ.Mh9z92U 2678

>every Hearth’s Warming with my grandparents, on the Northern coast. We would take the ferry to get there, which traveled up and down the coast every day. But the ferry left our hometown at 4 AM. So every//
Watch the repetition. It's possible you're doing this deliberately to create an effect, but it doesn't feel like it. You have three uses of "every" in just four sentences.

>me and my older sister//

At her age, and the formality implied by having her write this for an audience, I think she'd know to say "my older sister and I."

>dad wouldn’t hear of it//

When you essentially use a family relation as a name, capitalize it. So, for example, it'd be "there's Mom" but "there's my mom."

>house on the coast was a big, beautiful house//

Watch the repetition.

>And every year when we came to visit//

Normally, you'll want to set off a dependent clause like this with a comma.

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File: 141958729443.png (648.92 KB, 825x745, all your ships are belong to u…)

The Training Grounds: TSSSF Edition 375[View]

#Reviewer #The Training Grounds

Previous thread: >>128937

Welcome one and all to the Training Grounds, the review thread for authors and reviewers, both newcomers and seasoned veterans alike! Do jump in and participate if you can. New reviewers, editors and authors are always welcome! After a year of low activity we finally hit autosage, and it’s time for a new thread. Put some wood on the fire, sip some cocoa/tea/coffee/wine or whatever your drink is, and let’s ship some ponies get those quills moving.

How to get a review: Post a story with its title, description, tags, and a link to it where applicable. Please include all of these in your post and not just a Fimfiction link to a title page.
Remember that while reviewers love to read, they will often lean towards being critical. Don’t be discouraged—use their criticism to improve your writing!

How to review stories: Write what you think about the story (or review) and post it in a reply. Writers want their work to shine so point out faults with gusto, but don't avoid compliments either—if something makes you smile, a few kind words can add a lot to your review.
Put a * in front of the subject field if you’d like your review reviewed.
[hide] tags are useful for long replies.

How to review other reviews: Put the title of the story being reviewed in the subject line along with the reviewer who wrote it. Say what you think about the review and point out anything you think they could work on, but also tell them what they’re doing right. Support what you say with good sources if you can. Reviewing a review is like reviewing a story, just with a different focus. Don’t be shy if you have something to say. They want your feedback, after all!

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88 posts and 47 image replies omitted. Click View to see all.



>That gives the line your own unique bit of character because trying to copy the heavy emotional weight of that opening in Fallout is not in the cards for this story as of now. You're too chipper and lively for that.

I don't know that I want the intro to be too upbeat though. I know it hasn't shown in the early chapters, but the story as I have it planned gets much more serious and dark, so I don't want to falsely lead people to believe my story is going to be a completely "sunshine and rainbows" look at the wasteland (even if a lot of it does end up like that).

I did take your advice though, and I reworked the opening a little bit to be a little more reasonable (at least, I hope so). I won't make you look at it if you're busy, but if you do want to take a look the original story link I gave should take you to the updated version.

WB!hS9ZjLM/uE 552

File: 1431304944989.jpg (67.12 KB, 500x480, Pinky_and_the_Brain_by_Awesome…)


Better, but you really, really need to get rid of the line:

>“Sorry about that, Windspeed. I don’t know why we’re listening to this, you’re already in the Enclave after all. Not like some politician could inflate your opinion of them even more.”

A "I know you don't like it" would suffice. That's all that matters as of now. If you must, let Windspeed mention something like "I get enough of that at meetings, I don't need to hear the brass when I'm on leave too." The line as is just stinks of shoehorned exposition. One of those "I already know you know this, but the audience doesn't so I'm going to say it aloud for no apparent reason" sort of deals.
This post was edited by its author on .

Bleeding Rain!DROPScczL2 2676

File: 1484439708086.jpg (251.31 KB, 750x600, 149994 - artist laurenmagpie c…)

Oy this place still exists? WB are you the only one here?

In any case, here. A story I've grown more attached to than I thought. Ion gave me the idea for it way back when, and it's grown bigger than I could have hoped I've nearly concluded Act I and I'm moving on to Act II soon, but I want to make sure there's no issues with it as it sits, since I intend to put it up for publication on EQD. Could you old yahoos give it the old beat down? And don't be gentle.

Title: The Secret of Ponyville
Tags: Dark, Tragedy, Romance, Gore
Synopsis: This last letter from Rarity tells of how she destroyed an innocent town beneath the masquerade of its prosperity, and how her entire life has been one big moment of regret.
Wordcount: 23k
link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/12vAabM4GnmcNtSVipBU86iYJc4ZSyZYD-iqbDWXbhKQ/edit#
This post was edited by its author on .

File: 142806817269.gif (26.44 KB, 100x138, cadance-dance-right.gif)

Desktop Ponies 458[View][Last 50 Posts]

8 bit ponies on your desktop.

Full Download (v1.60 released 2016-07-15)

Another year, another thread - and as always even more ponies than before (Old Thread >>45984).

Check out the deviantART community:

Also check out the OC thread for more ponies, and information about creating your own OCs:

Your can find the program source code on github:
This post was edited by its author on .
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R34 optional Anonymous 2672

this is just a suggestion and I understand if it get removed

would u do a R34 version of
desktop ponies

Mac !RevGiOKgRo 2673

How on god's green earth would that even be arousing?


Believe me, there are much weirder things humans are able to sexualize than cute technicolor horses.
But yes, I presume Desktop Ponies ver. R34 isn`t going to happen. Not here, at least. Leaving aside the fact that even DP itself is currently in comatose state.

MLP mashup video 2667[View]

Fan girl made mashup on YouTube. What do you think?

Mac !RevGiOKgRo 2668

Cute, in the 'look what they did' way.

File: 1483217826985.gif (2.78 MB, 1045x833, cheesier the better.gif)

[b]Pone Video Thread[/b] Anonymous 2665[View]

Post your videos!
Critique other anon's vidoes!
I'll scrubscribe to anyone who replies!

I just finished my first PMV a few days ago and have another wip I might post looking for suggestions. If you want to see Twilight rap vulgarities, then this is the video for you.

Welcome to Ponyville - Act 1 *REPAINTED* Anonymous 2616[View]

Strongly recommended for those who have watched "Games Repainted" on Youtube.

This thing has long been in Haitus, but now I've decided I'm gonna finish it once and for all.

MacGay !RevGiOKgRo 2618

No links?

Anonymous 2661

File: 1482881681287.png (2.75 MB, 1920x1080, 5fccb4aef9a96b58549ee257a1d524…)

>This thing has long been in Haitus, but now I've decided I'm gonna finish it once and for all.
Good to hear. For some reason it doesn't show up in any fan-made game lists or in google searches, you might want to get more people aware of its existence. I barely managed to find its name (here).

It's fairly easy to find if you know the name: http://textadventures.co.uk/games/view/qpz0tpngf0a3ca5fw2bpsg/welcome-to-ponyville
I'm certain it had its own site around a year ago, though.

Mac !RevGiOKgRo 2662

>> speak to Futon
>You try talking to your futon. You are sure it tried to reply.


File: 1478287934153.webm (1 MB, 600x400, boopey.webm)

Fluttershy Petting Simulator EwoudCP!PcznjJ12Lg 2608[View]

Just released version 0.9 of the Fluttershy Petting Simulator!


Figured I'd just shamelessly advertise this here. I'll be here to answer questions and take suggestions.

I originally planned more content, but the voice work has hit a snag and I'm stuck waiting. I went ahead and finished the game as much as I could (minus some animations due to lack of voice work). This is version 0.9, and it will be updated to v1.0 when I have all the content.

MacGay !RevGiOKgRo 2614

Good little game/toy/whatever.
Fluttershy here is even cuter in motion, and the interactivity makes her even moreso. I liked it when I went to see if I could boop her snout and it actually happened.
The extra animations do seem to be needed but it's all good if it's coming in a future release.
Continue this work, please.

Vocalist looking for fellow singers/Musicians 2621[View]

Hello, I know the music side of the fandom is starting to become less and less popular as things go on but nevertheless I am here with my attempt.

I'm looking for other people willing to get in on this little group that can assist with Creating Music, doing Vocals, Mixing and in the end uploading songs up onto youtube. I already have a couple of Parody songs written alongside some originals that simply need to be properly performed and get decent music behind them.

If anyone is at all interested in this please reply on this thread with any past experience you have, people that are good with things like FruityLoops or other music creating software will be placed higher above on the list of selections.

Skype will be a preferred means of contact, but if you wish to keep that information secret until you have confirmed that the project is real I can create a Discord server for us to chat through until that time.
This post was edited by its author on .



File: 1480283925428.jpg (784.12 KB, 1000x1232, 4yrs-1432424657-13034-full.jpg)

The Age of Wings and Steel Reading - Chapters 1-5 - 6 Incoming! Strangest Amethyst 2640[View]

Hello again Ponychan Fanworks board!

A while ago I posted the first couple chapters of my reading of DSNesmith's The Age of Wings and Steel. (http://www.fimfiction.net/story/13034/the-age-of-wings-and-steel)

I've since gotten a bit further with the story, up to Chapter 5 with Chapter 6 exporting as I speak, and I thought I'd post each video released thus far here to get the opinions of the fine folks at Ponychan once again.

Chapter 1 - The Field: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mCq6_2B1Yaw

Chapter 2 - Celestia and the Council: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1BaNUoqHXhg

Chapter 3 - A Chance Meeting: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VN2eY5notD0

Chapter 4 - An Unusual Messenger: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HAbmYv_mrTQ

Chapter 5 - Northward Bound: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H3mZ0YXq0O4
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Strangest Amethyst 2641

File: 1479340167384.png (177.85 KB, 640x378, 142324983488.png)

Anonymous 2622[View]

I need a little help. I've been trying to find an audio project, but my leads seem to be dead ends. It is a radio play about Scootaloo and Rainbow Dash on Hearth's Warming based in part on "Gift of the Magi." It was done by Scoot-Scootaloo and talked about on Brony Time ep. 57 (http://www.bronytime.com/2013/12/episode-57-how-scoots-and-crew-saved-christmas/). However, they never said on the episode (and I've listened to it twice to find it) where the play would be available to hear after it's premier or even what it is called. I'm hoping someone here knows what I'm talking about and where it is.

Clarity!EGL9GiOd9k 2635

File: 1479798684326.png (203.54 KB, 505x507, dash220.png)

No luck finding it, sorry.

File: 1453915446568.jpg (1.45 MB, 2448x3264, 20160127_081637.jpg)

Dumping sketches as I learn Karmadose!zSlM3ck7V6 1521[View][Last 50 Posts]

Hello! I'm going to be dumping sketches I'm not horrified at the sight of here as a quick way to link people to them while also having a place to check out my past work to contrast for progress.
If you stumble upon these horrors I encourage you to give some constructive critism . Help eliminate girrafe Flutterdash's one tip at a time
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MacGay !RevGiOKgRo 2624

Add lines to them so as to practice 3d spheres.

Post-it 2625

File: 1479476451380.jpg (760.07 KB, 1797x969, 11182016redline33.jpg)


I feel you need to plan out the landmarks of the facial features a little better. A lot of liberties can be taken when drawing pony so it can be easy to get lost in it all.

I dont know if you're using Discord but feel free to add me if you'd like: Post-it#5338

Post-it 2626

File: 1479476988185.jpg (1.7 MB, 1243x3099, 896311__safe_twilight+sparkle_…)


Here's a nice reference. I'm sure you've seen it before but I feel it can be used as a nice standard and I go back to it when I feel like I'm getting lost in too much stylization.

S.A. Reads "The Age of Wings and Steel" Strangest Amethyst 2595[View]

Hi all!

I've been thinking about trying to do an audiobook-style reading for a little while, and I ended up deciding to read DSNesmith's "The Age of Wings and Steel" on my YouTube channel.

I uploaded the first couple chapters a few days ago, so I thought I'd post it here to get the feedback of the fine folks at Ponychan and to ask whether anyone would like to see any more of the story read!


Thank you all for your time.
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Strangest Amethyst 2605


Thanks so much! Glad you liked it.

I'm definitely interested in recording the next few chapters once I've gotten over this cold I seem to have coming on.

MacGay !RevGiOKgRo 2606

Do more, when you can.

Strangest Amethyst 2613


Aye, sir!

Vote Twilight Sparkle for Princess of America Anonymous 2609[View]

MacGay !RevGiOKgRo 2610


File: 1358797128571.png (1012.61 KB, 1504x765, mortimer_splash_by_enma_darei-…)

Enma/Mortimer's Commissions Are Back! Mortimer !HOoVEs3Q5. 728[View][Last 50 Posts]

deviantArttumblr PatreonYouTube ko-fi

Commissions are: Open
Commission Information
This post was edited by its author on .
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File: 1477984370297.png (170.6 KB, 469x437, Cold Snap Vike.png)


Let's say I haven't been a happy person lately

MacGay !RevGiOKgRo 2603

Well, Godspeed in any case.


File: 1478217813951.png (160.63 KB, 900x742, Ilona Snap.png)

File: 1477942913449.png (153.24 KB, 1260x1024, large.png)

Waifu Charts. MacGay !RevGiOKgRo 2601[View]

This meme was actually not half-bad, does anyone still make new ones of these or would be willing to start up again?

I wouldn't mind seeing new waifus like Dragon Lord Ember in these, speaking for myself.

Covers 2591[View]

Hello,guys!!! We're glad to see you on this channel. If you like ponies, this video for you! Happy viewing!!! https://youtu.be/Vtbx4_7stpA

MacGay !RevGiOKgRo 2593

oh god no

File: 1442145381455.jpg (77.28 KB, 650x721, 1442135526256.jpg)

ASMR Anonymous 1068[View]

Anyone know what happened to the ASMR Pony project, or know of any existing similar projects?

1 post omitted. Click View to see all.

AustroSpike ~Element of Makeshift Moe~ 2419

Good idea, wouldn't have gone with a piece this long for starters, good (voice) acting altogether. Actually got some tingles. Could have done without the long clock and rain breaks.
I'd really like more of that stuff, and I think MLP makes for a good source.

MacGay !RevGiOKgRo 2568

Did it come out of production yet?

Anonymous 2592

This is amazing! <3

File: 1460998587758.png (37.55 KB, 955x553, Nursery Rhyme.png)

MSpaint art requests Timekeeper!vLNCOxl8yM 2076[View]

Yeah... Not much more to say. If I like the request, I'll take it.
39 posts and 18 image replies omitted. Click View to see all.

MacGay !RevGiOKgRo 2583

Ah, now I see it.
Used to? What happened with the old name?

Timekeeper!vLNCOxl8yM 2585

Nothing, really. I just sorta moved away from it as I fell away from the Doctor Who fandom, though I will still use the name for things, it's just not one I typically make accounts under anymore. (Though sometimes I still use Doctor Whoof for things. I like that better than Whooves, dammit.)

MacGay !RevGiOKgRo 2587

>I like that better than Whooves, dammit.

Heh, it is closer to the name.

File: 1442695123619.jpg (338.88 KB, 720x960, Rarity Colored.jpg)

Art Dump 1083[View]

Sooooo.....does anyone have any requests?
25 posts and 14 image replies omitted. Click View to see all.

Anonymous 2387


File: 1468938981734.png (504.64 KB, 598x688, 738388__safe_solo_clothes_smil…)

that's fine.

>>2339 is my OC, Rainstream. can you draw her playing in the rain?

MacGay !RevGiOKgRo 2581

Still open to requests?

Anonymous 2546Locked[View]


Anonymous ## Mod 2555

Moved to >>>/trash/7235.

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