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Pre-reader 63.546"s Equestria Daily Feedback Thread Pre-reader 63.546!vZ.Mh9z92U 23[View][Last 50 Posts]

#Reviewer

As everyone should know by now, Equestria Daily has gone almost exclusively to short bullet-point reviews, except in cases where only a small number of items need to be corrected for posting. I enjoy giving longer reviews, but can no longer do so through Equestria Daily, so I will post them here. I will only do so for stories that in my estimation would have passed the old automoon system; others will get only the bullet-point treatment in the email.

This thread is only for the authors in question and me. They are free to ask questions or ask me to remove their reviews from the thread for any reason. For any other traffic, I will ask a mod to delete it. General questions about Equestria Daily or the pre-reading process should be posted here:
>>128414

Note that I won't give an exhaustive list of errors; I'll provide a representative list of the types of problems I find and leave it to the author to scour his story for the rest.

To avoid repeating myself, I'll post a few of the more common discussion topics up here; your review may refer you to one or more of these.

Dash and hyphen use:
Hyphens are reserved for stuttering and hyphenated words. Please use a proper dash otherwise. They can be the em dash (Alt+0151) with no spaces around it or en dash (Alt+0150) surrounded by spaces. Some usage (primarily American) employs only the em dash, while other usage (primarily British) employs an em dash for cutoffs and an en dash for asides. It doesn't matter which system an author uses, as long as he is consistent.

Comma use with conjunctions:
There may be other grammatical reasons to place commas, but in the simplest forms, commas accompany conjunctions to separate clauses, not to separate two items of a compound subject, verb, or object. The most common simple sentence forms are:
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Pre-reader 63.546!vZ.Mh9z92U 3171

Note that this list is not comprehensive. I picked out a few examples of each kind of error or problem I found. Of course, not everything is a black-and-white issue; this is not a list of things you have to fix, but take each under advisement.

>who sounded like they were in discord//

That's a pretty odd phrasing.

>Since Kamino laid only a short distance from Bluegrass//

lay

>took her time to take//

Close repetition.

>But don't get your hopes up about any of them Violet.//

Needs a comma for direct address.

>we often go out and eat at the ice-cream parlor, if you want to you can join us there in the weekend!//

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Pre-reader 63.546!vZ.Mh9z92U 3174

Note that this list is not comprehensive. I picked out a few examples of each kind of error or problem I found. Of course, not everything is a black-and-white issue; this is not a list of things you have to fix, but take each under advisement.

Chapter 1:

>W-Well, it there’s anything I can do for you//

Only capitalize the irst part of a stutter, and you have a typo there.

>um…I’ll//

It tends to format better on FiMFic if you leave a space after an ellipsis, especially if you use a program that auto-converts three dots to a single ellipsis character.

>And her eyes…their soft raspberry-red hue contrasted perfectly with the rest of her, giving them a captivating look.//

Note two things here. First, this expresses opinion in the narration (perfectly, captivating). Second, the ellipsis makes this sound very conversational, like dialogue. That combines into making this a limited narration in Ticket Stub's perspective. But it doesn't stay there. Only a couple of pages in, Ticket Stub leaves, and the perspective moves over to Sonata. It's usually not a good idea to change perspective in the middle of a scene anyway, but it's really strange to start the story in a perspective that will soon be abandoned and is an unimportant character. I'd be surprised if he even turns up again.

>the red-horned unicorn//

Keep in mind what this means to the perspective. This is Sonata choosing to call him this in her own thoughts. Do you do that with people you know well? Do you think of your grandfather as "the gray-haired man"?
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Pre-reader 63.546!vZ.Mh9z92U 3175

>>3174
Chapter 44:

>The goddess was far larger than himself//

Reflexive pronouns are for when the same person or thing is the subject.

>thaumaturty//

Typo, I believe.

>whom it was//

That's actually a situation where "who" is correct.

>the Night Mare’s had been displeased//

Why is that a possessive?

Post too long. Click here to view the full text.


File: 1522109882542.png (3.48 MB, 2944x1500, Criminally Cute.png)

Criminally Cute RandomGuy93 3149[View]

The CMCs get arrested for being too adorable!
1 post and 1 image reply omitted. Click View to see all.

RandomGuy93 3158

Clarity, I don't think she's happy. She looks embarassed actually.

3160

File: 1523243197089.png (113.21 KB, 309x303, cmcs29.png)

>>3158
She does to an extent but grins too much.

Macaroni !RevGiOKgRo 3173



File: 142806817269.gif (26.44 KB, 100x138, cadance-dance-right.gif)

Desktop Ponies 458[View][Last 50 Posts]

8 bit ponies on your desktop.

Full Download (v1.63 released 2018-03-09)

Another year, another thread - and as always even more ponies than before (Old Thread >>45984).

Check out the deviantART community:
http://desktop-pony-team.deviantart.com

Also check out the OC thread for more ponies, and information about creating your own OCs:
http://www.ponychan.net/chan/collab/res/43607.html

Your can find the program source code on github:
https://github.com/RoosterDragon/Desktop-Ponies
This post was edited by its author on .
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Sphinx download Bot-chan 3167

File: 1524082919727.gif (62.61 KB, 188x194, sphinx-idle2-right.gif)

Suddenly, a Sphinx.

https://sta.sh/01t6ybhp511u

Sum Curious Guy 3170

I was curious if the 3 fashion ponies Inky Rose, Lily Lace and Starstreak were ever added or if there were any plans for them to be added.
This post was edited by its author on .

Bot-chan 3172

>>3170
I believe that, so far, nobody made them.


File: 1523784923502.png (155.01 KB, 276x273, 1523751818149.png)

We are looking for an editor Team Friendship is Pandering 3165[View]

So hello everyone I'm the director/writer of an abridged show called MLP : Friendship is Pandering. I've posted it here before (don't mind if you dont remember) but, heres a link to jog anyone's memory or to introduce you to our stuff
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCcx3cqeUZLMK2KZWz7EuORQ

Now we've ran into a bit of a snag in the sense that we may have bitten off a bit more than we can chew. At this moment we have 2 editors, but, as this is a fan project and, they do have lives outside of this (ie. college , work, etc) things aren't going as fast as we'd hope. And we are looking for someone else to come in and help. In the link I provided you'll get a basic idea of the type of editing we need. (More so in episode 3 since that is our most recent one). If you're interested in joining our team I will leave my info to contact me via, discord (since it seems everyone has one now) to get more details and such about what you will be doing, and, for you to show me a little bit of your work as well. I will stress because I would hate to given anyone the wrong idea, this is a fan project with no money coming into it, its purely passion that drives us, so I understand 100% if that puts you off. I thank you for your time in reading this, I thank you again if you take the time to message me about this. This is a big project but, with the passion we have in it , and the right help, I am certain we can go far. Thank you again and have a nice day.

-Director / Writer "SciTwiWiFi"

Discord - SciTwiWiFi
#5732

(PS if there are any alternative means to reach you please list them in your reply along with any software you use)

Team Friendship Is Pandering (FiPGuy) 3169

Hey everyone just to clear up any confusion this is for visual editing!


File: 1523335384865.jpg (207.98 KB, 1600x900, epic 2.jpg)

Remembering: Sensual Stories Threads, The Collection SonicPony45 3162[View]

Oh man, do I have a throwback post for you guys. Okay, a long time ago, back in the baby days of Ponychan, before the merger, before the drama and everything, this site used to be much larger with TONS of boards. It was litty. The year was 2011 and the Brony fandom was still in its infancy.

This board used to be called /fic/, because music, games and videos had their own boards. Me and a few other O.G's used to have a running thread called "Sensual Stories" thread. it was SO popular, we'd revise the thread everytime we reached 500+ posts. I mean, we were on like "Sensual Stories Thread #35" in just a few months, it was fucking huge.

The point was to create a single short story in as few posts as possible. Stories ranged from HOT to Awww and everything in between. They were romance stories, often told from 2nd person, and were very popular. We'd write our stories and review or critique each others work. It was awesome.

I made ALOT of friends on those sensual threads, and we accumulated many fans. We had haters who would tell us "clopping was wrong" and stuff, and it was understandable. See, this was back in the day when the creators of the SHOW would ACTUALLY come HERE to chat with us. We had artists, animators and even a few writers come to Ponychan and chop it up, so many were worried about what our stories were gonna do.

Anyway, the Sensual Stories Threads lasted for YEARS, but started dying in 2014~ When this site went redux, many boards got merged. Many cool secret boards and staff left (Staff used to be SO interactive with us, it was great), and them the merger happened and even more changed.

But my boi Sandman... he collected some of our FIRST works from the first 5 or so Sensual Stories Threads and put them in 6 PDF's. I literally made a DropBox account, JUST to share them. They have been in my SkyDrive (One Drive now) since 2012, and I just read some of our early works. He build a very nice book out of them, and added credits to the writers. It brought a tear to my eye as I read some of our works. I've been with this fanbase since day one and to see the names of all my fellow O.G's that are no longer on this site makes me miss the beginnings. Season 2 was still hyping up, Lauren Faust was still active on the show, this site had ALL the traffic, EQD was a fucking BABY site, bronies were SO creative, everyday was NEW user content. Music, flash games, animation and of course...sensual stories.. so here i
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3168

I remember the sensual threads. Nice to see you back


File: 1518646945980.png (28.54 KB, 770x609, Elf.png)

Kabel teh Lewdy[FARMER]Hobbit 3107[View]

I made, an Elf Maiden

If anypony wanna edit her & create their own Elf~ go ahead/ I'm was just recoloring

3110

File: 1518687078244.gif (432.99 KB, 348x489, bg25.gif)

But... that's a pony!

Kabel teh Lewdy[FARMER]Hobbit 3111

File: 1518689267253.png (30.7 KB, 770x608, Elf.png)

Updated

and, she is a Forest Warrior

Anonymous 3145

Nice pony.


File: 1488362205238.png (2.35 MB, 2250x1250, intospace1small.png)

ponyinto.space Lex Rudera!rW/xyJMPOo 2729[View]

I need more images for the pointless site, http://ponyinto.space/
halp.
3 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click View to see all.

Lex Rudera!rW/xyJMPOo 2733

>>2732
Definitely! Cheap photoshops is all I have so far, after all

Lex Rudera!rW/xyJMPOo 2742

And then nothing happened. Well, it was worth the try.

Anonymous 3123

>>2742
it's dead now, feels bad man


File: 1515568088563.png (272.41 KB, 1280x720, Screenshot_2018-01-09-18-26-56…)

Friendship is Pandering Anonymous 3079[View]

Hello this is a new parody series a friend of mine has been working on for a good while. He would love feedback. Of course not all will like this and that's understandable but do give it a chance. Thank you and I hope you enjoy.
https://youtu.be/WQlxzK06TfA
4 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click View to see all.

Macaroni !RevGiOKgRo 3096

>>3087
This.

FipGuy 3098

Glad you all like it so much! More is surely to come soon!

AustroSpike 3121

>>3098
Thank you and keep up the good work.


File: 1358797128571.png (1012.61 KB, 1504x765, mortimer_splash_by_enma_darei-…)

Enma/Mortimer's Commissions Are Back! Mortimer !HOoVEs3Q5. 728[View][Last 50 Posts]

deviantArttumblr PatreonYouTube ko-fi

Commissions are: Open
Commission Information
This post was edited by a moderator on .
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3095

File: 1516690662336.png (887.79 KB, 900x971, Punky.png)

Getting used to my new tablet
tumblr/tip jar
This post was edited by its author on .

3104

File: 1518504686747.png (1.78 MB, 900x1717, Tricks.png)

tumblr/deviantArt/Tip Jar
This post was edited by its author on .

3114

File: 1518931053138.png (1.01 MB, 630x861, Cool Snap.png)

Local dork thinks she's cool.
tumblr/deviantArt/Tip Jar


Newby 3108[View]

I'm pretty new to this. What's the best way to start out exploring what's on the web?


File: 1512232287244.png (772.48 KB, 3731x3225, miner_rarity_helmet.png)

Anonymous 3050[View]

Hello my horses, I made a clicker. Please throw rats at it.

https://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/702875
3 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click View to see all.

Macaroni !RevGiOKgRo 3076

>>3075
lmao

3077

File: 1515429490088.gif (733.77 KB, 564x360, alldr1.gif)

Anonymous 3086

https://youtu.be/UU5eJUl0WgA?t=16m32s

I can't embed the video sad horse


File: 1434157849969.png (49.34 KB, 358x306, fluttersad.png)

i did a thing 657[View]

i wrote a fanfic on dA that i hope to adapt into an animated series in the future (that's why it's written in a lovable script format) pls give me your feedback or else fluttershy will cri
http://datponeenthusiast90.deviantart.com/art/Decibelle-and-Gingerroot-Ep-2-ACT-I-538113930
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Anonymous 687

Anonymous 3080

>>657
im in love

Macaroni !RevGiOKgRo 3082

>>659
Plebeian.


File: 1460998587758.png (37.55 KB, 955x553, Nursery Rhyme.png)

MSpaint art requests Timekeeper!vLNCOxl8yM 2076[View]

Yeah... Not much more to say. If I like the request, I'll take it.
56 posts and 25 image replies omitted. Click View to see all.

Timekeeper!vLNCOxl8yM 3074

File: 1515147569823.png (384.9 KB, 890x807, LITANYWHAT.png)

Hey, OP here. I actually learned how to use the brushes in Win10 MSPaint. How have you all been?

3078

File: 1515429555206.png (13.23 KB, 190x181, cmcb29.png)

>>3074
Looking good.

Things have been rather quiet around here, as usual.

Macaroni !RevGiOKgRo 3081

>>3074
Pretty good.


File: 1515012768907.jpg (552 KB, 2066x3444, portada2.jpg)

Mlp strange crossovers Mlp strange crossovers 3072[View]

Post some strange crossover yo know. Comic, video, or a sinple image.

This is a comic crossover of Eqg and jojo bizarre adventure (the original universe) the main characters are Shizuka joestar And Sunset shimmer.


File: 1509274541659.png (210.22 KB, 800x500, sister brother bond png.png)

Sister - Brother Bond 3025[View]

I was looking at this thread and saw alot of Apple family related art/fanwork so I drew these too.
(I don't ship them, just to be exact.)

Macaroni (Outside) !RevGiOKgRo 3041

>>3025
Interesting style.


File: 1493394229191.png (791.05 KB, 1200x1800, Title.png)

Seed Comic Anonymous 2776[View]

Anyone interested in a comic where the CMC and a fourth filly wind up growing Cannabis?
5 posts omitted. Click View to see all.

Anonymous 2795

>>2792
The story could actually be workable and produce feelz--I don't know how plausible it is in a magical land where everyone with a horn can make reality warp itself to suit his whims, but handled properly it is possible to make something good out of this. However it is unavoidable that you're going to get an awful lot of eye-rolling and "LOL WEED" reactions, because this kind of thing has been WAY overdone over the past ten, fifteen years, enough that just seeing it is going to leave a sour taste in a lot of people's mouths. It would have to be awfully well written to overcome that.

And yes, please practice your art. Especially eyes and faces.

Elicoor13 2847

File: 1500371992317.jpg (298.2 KB, 1024x768, 1470305539614.jpg)

bruh, bruh, i get what you're trying to do, and i respect it, but it honestly feels like you're trying to force a narrative.

this anon
>>2795
has great points. however, i'd like to add that it really seems like you're a bit too gung-ho with this. there will be other stories, and comic about stoner fillies will seem silly in a year. if this really is your magnum opus, maybe take some time away from it and come up with a better reason why this pony's mom needs weed rather than say...magic.

your eating disorder thing is...okay, but it feels like it's a flimsy excuse to put weed into your story(no offense intended). the issue is that if you go with cancer, then you run into a whole host of issues relating to the tone of your comic. i don't think many people wanna read the cmc presents breaking bad except with weed.

if that's what you wanna do tho, go ahead, i'd at least be interested in checking out a page or two. but other people might call it out as being unnecessarily dark or that illegal drug dealing just doesn't work in a land where a literal god is their monarch.
This post was edited by its author on .

!RISkQqf4EM 3038



File: 1507159002483.jpg (102.95 KB, 894x894, her_first_night_by_spellboundc…)

Her First Night Behind Bars Anonymous 2996[View]

2 posts omitted. Click View to see all.

Elicoor13(new phone) 3015

i'm too edgy for my shirt, too edgy for my shirt, so edgy it huuurrrrts.

RandomGuy93 3028

How is it edgy? If anything, I think its sad.

Macaroni !RevGiOKgRo 3031

>>3028
It's over the top on angst and despair.
Also, too real of a scenario for MLP.


File: 1507964838677.png (785.18 KB, 1920x1080, flutterheart friendss no bg.pn…)

MLP - The Flutterby Effect Anonymous 3006[View]

I can't edit the thread title, but I've changed this to a general art thread.

Original description:
This is a fan project, so I thought it might be alright to post here; if it's not let me know! Sorry!

I'm working on a fan miniseries called the Flutterby Effect (working title), and am at the point where I need voice actors. (Not just the ones listed here, of course, but as far as the first episode, at least.)

There is a casting call here if anyone is interested! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M1Rm-8O3IiM Otherwise, feel free to just look at the attached image and hopefully enjoy it.
This post was edited by its author on .
2 posts and 2 image replies omitted. Click View to see all.

3010

File: 1508148756151.png (228.13 KB, 550x550, allab4.png)

Those ponies look great!

Anonymous 3020

File: 1508968860239.png (1.11 MB, 1769x1293, fusion3.png)

>>3010
Thank you for the kind words! I know I've still got some practicing to do, but I hope I'm getting there.

If a general art thread is indeed something that's alright for me to post here (and again, if I'm doing something wrong, I apologize!), here's something else I drew—a fusion of the pony princesses for a short story I wrote.

Macaroni !RevGiOKgRo 3022

>>3009
Your Luna is better than the canonical Luna.


File: 1507232233879.gif (34.74 KB, 310x226, 1552811__safe_apple+bloom_appl…)

applejack shakin her bum jacob foolson 2997[View]

lol i maid a pictuer! applejack is shaking her bum @ her sister applebloom.

!RISkQqf4EM 2999

well done sir

8/10

Macaroni !RevGiOKgRo 3005

Is this a new meme?

3013

File: 1508446762263.png (697.56 KB, 1694x1690, LMAO .png)

LOL


Jake 2987[View]

I get error from Desktop Ponies

Jake 2988

File: 1506734579302.png (97.58 KB, 1280x800, errror.PNG)

Jake 2989

File: 1506734676810.png (86.37 KB, 1280x800, txtfromerror.PNG)

Jake 2990

File: 1506734691770.png (83.17 KB, 1280x800, txtfromerror2.PNG)



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