I'm not going to fucking chill!
I'm trying my god damn best to try and make something of myself but apparently all that really matter to people is money!
Cause that's I EVER SEEM TO FUCKING HAVE TO DEAL WITH IS SHIT PEOPLE AND MONEY!
The college wants more money, my landlord wants my money, just to have some modicum of entertainment I need to spend fucking money.
AND besides all the fucking money, no one actually fucking cares about quality, or content, or even having the common fucking decency to not be a fucking total asswipe!
I continue to try and keep myself as a level-headed individual who's trying to be a god damn compassionate person but all it fucking does is GET ME FUCKING STEPPED ON.
So fuck it, why care about anything at all or even anyone.
Why should I care if people are dying around me, or that people are being infected by some fucking virus.
I'm alone in this god damn world, no one is going to fucking comfort me or even fucking care if I have anything to eat either.
It's survival of the fittest in life, and I guess it's taken a long fucking time to finally get it through my big fucking head that
I don't matter.
You don't matter.
No one fucking matters for anyone else.
There's no use in being anyone, striving for anything, becoming something.
To hold on to that tiny shred of hope is like drilling a hole into your fucking head to relieve a headache.
Eventually, what you're doing is going to fucking kill you and you'll look like nothing more then a fucking moron who didn't know as much as the person who's judging you.
Why do I even fucking come on to this site.
No one's going to read this or care.
No one fucking cared in the first place!
That small tiny spark of actual fucking hope is just a pointless ideal that my fucking idiotic mind has kept holding on to for YEARS hoping that things would get better.
For myself, for the world, for other people.
NOTHING FUCKING CHANGES
I'm going to go back to drinking, back to not giving a shit about anyone else, and finally be who I was always meant to become.
A fucking jackass!
One who chases his problems into the bottom of the bottle!
Who finds pleasure in other people's misfortune!