1. I'm happy with myself, but feel horrible about my life in general. I'm content with what I have, but realise that my life had next to no upward mobility. So mixed.
2. I don't have any, that's my problem.
3. Hopefully with a minimum wage job living in a shit hole apartment.
4. Going to college. But none of the courses I'm qualified for are worth my effort or time. They're basically all just big boy day care centres.
5. Yes. Nothing in particular, just in general.
6. I feel like I'm just too autistic to achieve anything with my life. Even if I was amazing at something that could get me a high paying job in a second, I'd fuck it up by sperging out.
I can't talk to people IRL without completely fucking myself over in one way or another. For example I'll make no eye contact or I'll stare soullessly into someone's eyes for our whole conversation. Or I'll be way too emotional, share the complete opposite emotion to the one I'm supposed to be expressing, or be a lifeless husk that looks completely dead and disinterest. (Usually because I probably am, but I can't hid it like other people.) I come off as extremely rude, stupid, insensitive, awkward, creepy, or just autistic to everyone I talk to.
The worst thing is that I put in a ridiculous amount of effort to be as nice as I can (which gives me serious anxiety sometimes) because I do genuinely care about how people view me and have lots of empathy for others. I also know when and what I'm doing wrong as I'm doing it. But I'm can't correct it, no matter how hard I try. It doesn't matter how much effort I put in, I'm too much of a sperg to even talk to people properly.
I also have a thousand other smaller thing that relate to my sperg, that seriously handicap me.
I'm in a weird horrible limbo state where I have enough social skills to realise that I have no social skills, and I'm smart enough to know that my life is going to suck and know how to fix it, without being capable of doing anything.
I accepted that I was a completely autistic, degenerate since I could remember. I put genuine effort in to correct this but can't. So instead I find contenment within it. I'm extremely black pilled about my life and society in general, but I'm too strong willed (mentally retarded) to get depressed over it. So I'm a generally positive person, despite my outlook being "big happening, worst case scenario."
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