Ebon"s Egress Ebon Topaz!TopazQj.LU No.2517003[View All]
A few weeks ago, I've made a thread about a choice that was given to me.
Because of my particular stomach condition, I would have only had three years left until my organs gave out. Three years of continued and increasing suffering until I'd painfully wither away.
But I was offered a solution. A drastic surgery to completely remove the core of my problems: My stomach itself. Yet, this kind of surgery is very risky on its own, and combined with my already damaged other intestines... My chances of surviving the procedure are slim. Very slim.
It took me a lot of thought, persuation and support to make a decision, and even since then I have felt bitter regret about my choice more then once. It's a gamble with my life, and the odds are significantly stacked against me... But it's too late to change things now.
Tomorrow morning I will be picked up and taken into the hospital, where I'll be held in my room until the surgery the day afterwards. I'll be restricted from any kind of online media during this time.
Considering how early tomorrow I'll be taken in, and how large the chance is that I'll not make it... I fear that tonight may be the last time you'll ever see me.
And so, I just want to leave a final message for everybody, should things take a turn for the worse.
During my stay on Ponychan, I have met many people, and I have learnt almost as many things. I have met Anonymous posters who were recognised by just their posting habits, who have taught me that you do not always need to establish your identity to establish yourself. I have met posters who habitually posted as video game characters, government celebrities, and even as psychopaths from the past, who have taught me to never judge a person just from a mask. I have met posters who actually met and formed couples, and I have met poster couples that separated for better or worse, both of whom have taught me that fate isn't always logical. I have met posters who weathered the times of being looked down on for using OC's and even established both a good name and status for themselves, who have taught me to never stop being who you are. I have met people who have regarded the well-being of others as important as their own, or sometimes even more important as their own, who have inspired me always strive and become a better person. I have met people who were once crippled by their own problems, yet finally fought against them and conquered them, who have taught me that it's always worth to fight for a better life, and that you should never give up hope in a life filled with so much potential.
I could go on forever. And while some relationships between other posters may sometimes have taken dark turns, and while some posters may no longer be here, I have always felt like this was the greatest community that I have ever been a part of - Both through better and worse times. And at the end of it all... I really feel like I have made true friends amongst them. Even if I may have never met them, and even if I may have never even seen the face of a good lot of them... I just have never felt so accepted and appreciated before. When I look at some posters, I truly feel like these are some of the best friends I have ever had. And I don't think that I could ever get tired of that.
Just these things alone have made my life that much more bearable. But it didn't stop there. Whenever I was feeling bad, whenever I just had to let loose and pour out at my heart's content, there was almost always someone there to support and comfort me. Through some of the worst moments of my life, when I was at my lowest of low, you gave me the strength and support I so desperately needed to drag me through the void. Hell, I wouldn't even have my girlfriend right now, hadn't you given me the courage to tell her about my feelings.
Throughout my time here, I have changed so much. I feel like all of the experiences I have gone through together with you have made me so much wiser and mature, and I truly feel like I have become a better person. I have become much more patient when dealing with others. I have become much more accepting and open to others' views and opinions. And most of all, I have become so much... happier.
There have been times when I have felt genuine happiness, both together with you and because of you. Precious feelings that I hadn't felt since I was just a little boy. Precious feelings that I had thought were lost forever after entering puberty and a horrible High School experience.
I don't think that I could ever describe the gratitude I continue to feel for everything that you have done for me, and I only wish that I would have been able to pay you back in kind. But although I have done my best, I fear that I may never be able to return the favour.
All I can say is... Thank you. Thank you for everything.
I will still be around for tonight, if there is anything you would like to ask or tell me. Don't be afraid to say what you feel needs to be said, and don't hesitate with asking the things you really want or even need to know. After all... This may be the last chance you get.
>Fluttershy because she is best pony. Also I have no dramatic pictures of Ebon. Heh.