TODAY IN THE NEWS!
SHOCKING GANG VIOLENCE!
Breaking news, as Downtown Canterlot experienced the first major act of public gang violence since the Night of Fire today. In what was described by onlookers as "A shocking spectacle...just the weirdest I've ever seen", a group of armed ponies dressed in Maid outfits opened fire at the security staff at Downtown's popular Bombshell club, killing several members of the DeTrot Bangers, and forcibly abducting several bystanders. The missing ponies include sixteen showgirls in the employ of the establishment, as well as a mottle-patterned cold who was identified as the owner's son. When contacted for statement regarding Lonestar's evident inability to curtail the violence between the Bangers and this strange band of maids, Commissioner Sickle--the current coordinator of Downtown operations--replied that "No bystanders were harmed during this exchange, and those that lost their lives were ne'er-do-wells who had willingly embarked upon a path of crime. It is not Lonestar's duty to...
"F-FUCK! S-SOMEBODY GET ME SOME MORPHINE!"
Guttersnipe's screams reverberate through the concourse, each one more squeaky and agonized than the last. Despite Umami's tender ministrations, he's far from alright: during the attack, he suffered two of the few injuries a pony can't quickly recover from. First a broken leg, which can be mended with a cast and some time--but second, and more disastrous, a fractured spine. Even the least medically-knowledgeable among you can see quite clearly what's wrong with him: his hind legs are so limp it's almost painful to behold, and despite his furious thrashing they barely move an inch. The fractured bones are making their effects felt: fever, small disruptions in the fur, and--of course--near-ceaseless agony. Softer ponies would find it a a heart-rending sight--as it is, it's just another mess to clean up. Umami, bless his heart, is a medic and not a surgeon: and even if he was, he'd lack the tools he needs to make the boy whole again.