>>109791
I'm sorry but I'm going to have to report a name steal. Hugbox doesn't review. Just kidding. Let's hope this is you getting out of your rut. I expect that by the time we start our own thread

Title: My Little Coward
Tags: [Crossover] [Comedy] [SliceOfLife] [Random]
Word Count: 4,741

Synopsis: What happens when you mix Courage The Cowardly Dog with My Little Pony? Complete madness of course! Courage is an odd pony who seems to attract all of the weirdest things from all across Equestria. Time and again he seems to drag his friends and family into the strangest adventures. From freaky barbers to giant spiders, he just can't catch a break.

GoogleDocs Link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Kncx5IcI6jby8GA_KRCUt2ashqWJCbzazN_QgDejpFc/edit
FiMFiction Link: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/7102/My-Little-Coward-

What I'm looking for:
I mostly just need help finding typos or missing words. I have a habit of missing small errors when I proofread and often don't notice them.

If there's anything else wrong with the fic feel free to point it out to me. I've been told I should try and shoot for EqD with this fic but I'm honestly not so sure.

>>109880
>I mostly just need help finding typos or missing words. I have a habit of missing small errors when I proofread and often don't notice them.

We are reviewers, not editors. A friend of yours can do this. That is not what we're here for. If that's the bulk of what you need I suggest you ask a friend of yours on FimFiction or something. I don't mean to push you away, but really that's not what we're here for.

I'd suggest taking that synopsis down to the Synopsis review thread, however, as it seems a bit sketchy. Plus that title, oh god that title. 'My Little' is the most used prefix in a title.

Hey Minjask!

So I got the second chapter of Scribes are Weird done. This chapter has 32.55555555552% more Pinkie Pie. (That's an actual math fact.) I'm gonna wait till I've gotten my last two reviews on chapter one before I get two reviewed, but just wondering if you had any interest in reading it?

Bye!

>>109882
Then review it, of course if you don't know what this is a crossover of then it's probably not worth bothering. I just meant typos were the biggest possible thing I wanted pointed out. Also the title isn't changing because it's meant to be ironic if anything.

Blah, I was so nervous about posting this to /fic/ thinking I'd get hostility and that's exactly what happened. If I'm being problematic I apologize ahead of time.

>>109889
No one here tries to be hostile. The entire reason anyone has a thread here is to help authors. It's just what I was getting at is what we actually do here. If you want a review we will provide it for you, but it takes a while to get to everyone here.

>Ironic title
How?

>>109842

Whoopsie! I was in a bit of a rush and forgot the important stuff

tags: Normal/Slice-of-Life

Synopsis: Aura Battle is the new game exploding in popularity all over Equestria. Unicorns battle with magical AuraDolls in an attempt to earn the crown of Aura Battle Grand Champion. Twilight Sparkle, who is returning to Canterlot to help the princesses with a special project, discovers the game and instantly becomes hooked. Does Twilight have what it takes to become the Grand Champion? Or will the secrets behind the game trip her up along the way?

Word Count: 4,746 for chapter 2

>>109890
Because it's a fairly silly crossover with Courage The Cowardly and thus a somewhat ironic and silly name of My Little Coward. There isn't really much else I'd call it.

>>109894
A silly crossover does not constitute an unoriginal title. You literally just put 'Courage the Cowardly Dog' and 'My Little Pony' together. There's nothing ironic about it. It's silly, but in a bad way. In a 'look at how unoriginal this title is' way. Honestly, these are excuses for not changing the title. I guarantee nothing in your story will justify the title for me. There are an abundance of more creative and enticing titles I am sure you can come up with.

>>109895
Meh, If you don't like it that's perfectly fine with me but I don't plan on changing it. I personally like it, lack of originality and all. Plus I don't feel its that big of an issue. I guess we can just agree to disagree.

We certainly are off to a good start don't you think? I can't wait to see how much you rip the actual fic to shreds. :D

>>109894
>>109895
Okay calm down you two.

Courage, if it's a crossover, the reviewer is then required to be very familiar with both shows entailed. I would love to take this on, because Courage was one of the best shows on Cartoon Network back in the day, and I love the premise, but I just can't remember enough of that show to be confident reviewing this. If I find the time I might give it a look over, but I can't in good conscience add it to the queue.

To my colleague, cliche though the name may be, the unique premise justifies it, and if the material within is of great enough caliber, I see no reason why it should be redone. The point of a title is to give a name to the story, so that it can be called upon. If the author chooses not to be poetic, that's their decision.

Color me condescending but I like what I just said.

>>109902
>the unique premise justifies it
Premise: Courage the Cowardly Dog and My Little Pony together.

The author has a chance to make this interesting, no doubt, I am not judging the actual skills of the author's writing. What I'm saying is that you're right, it IS something to call on, but when you say 'I just read a story called 'My Little Courage' people are going to think of the story unoriginal already. Coincidentally, I saw this story when it was posted on FimFiction of the front page, and looking at the title I decided to pass it by because of the generic feel of it.

>>109902
the reviewer is then required to be very familiar with both shows entailed

On the contrary, if you're posing the idea of a crossover to the MY LITTLE PONY fandom, then you should introduce your other story in a way that any reader can follow along, even if others actually know the content and are able to further relate to the context.

>>109901
>lack of originality and all
Implying this is a good thing, no matter how 'ironic' you're trying to come off.

I know the content of the crossover very well, as I still watch it on occasion. Return the slab, yade yada.

>>109903
Well if you want to take it then, it's all yours. I've got Zamoonda's story to look at anyway

>>109905
I'm going to let it sit for a bit, because I still have this TF2 crossover to do and a few other mini reviews here and there.

>>109902
That was something I was worried about when posting it on here. I didn't want to give the fic over to a reviewer who doesn't know anything about the crossover.

I'm here to have fun as a writer first and foremost but I also felt it would be good to have my story evaluated as well. I don't really care about being the greatest author ever but it's still good to try and improve.

>>109907
The trick, like I said before, is to present the cross over content in a way that people unfamiliar with it and get what's going on. With the MLP stuff you can assume people know what you're talking about. If you posted this as a CtCD fanfic on fanfiction or something it would need to be the other way around. It's about your target audience.

>>109908
That's the thing though. This isn't a OMG COURAGE HAS FALLEN INTO EQUESTRIA thing or a OMG TWILIGHT HAS FALLEN INTO THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE thing either. It's a merger of both the worlds. You could read it without knowing anything about Courage and for the most part understand the story but you wouldn't be able to really appreciate what's going on. I can't just stop the narrative in the story to tell the My Little Pony side of the fans that OMG THIS IS FRED FROM COURAGE AND YOU SHOULD FEAR HIS CREEPINESS. If you approached it as a non Courage fan it would just be one weird ass story but still understandable but again, really freaking weird.

>>109915
Well, it seems that you did a pretty good job then, just from that implication. But I digress, we'll just have to see when one of us gets to it.

>>109828
>private
Oops.

>>109791
Thanks for the help, Hugbox! I'm glad it works as a comedy. That's quite the relief. Allow me to do a few rebuttals while I've got the chance.

The narrator's identity was supposed to be the big twist at the end of the story. But if you don't think it works, I can just reveal it right away. I don't think the story'd change that much in the long run. You can still guess who the narrator is if you want, though. Here's a hint: http://youtu.be/EeXCCk1Mahc (And yes, his intimate knowledge of the TF2-verse will be explained later.)
Game physics were kind of a plot point. It didn't come up in Chapter One, but the mercenaries are capable of using their "inventories" to carry items that aren't their weapons. That's how the Medic is able to keep everyone medicated, and that becomes VERY important later. I'm not sure I can write around that. (But yeah, the hats were too much.)
Body language is something I hadn't put all that much thought into. It just didn't occur to me, honestly. I'll give it a shot.

Hey ponies, organic waste has just collided with a rotational air circulator, so I’ll probably be gone for a while after this, but I’ll pop in when I can.

Here’s your review Zamoonda, sort of.

Ah, finally, that rough, arrogant Griffin Pride rears its shiny head. I’ve been waiting for somepony to write about griffins.

And then Discord comes into play, this sounds fun.

That ending… dude. That's a real cliffhanger. See what I did there?

I have no more criticisms for this, other than a few syntax problems, but I can’t fix those.
I left a couple comments on the Doc.

Is the queue open yet?

>>110287
It is indeed:>>109523
But I'll probably be doing most of them, because if I'm not mistaken, Hugbox is just a little backed up at the moment.

>>110316
Although, we're already at 377 posts, and I'm bailing once we hit 400. I'll stick around long enough to tie up any loose ends, but I want to head back to the training grounds, and I've grown tired of this username anyway. I've had it for years, and it has since outgrown it's use. You should get your story in if you want it reviewed.

>>110321
Alright, Minjask.

Well I'll give you the second chapter of Scribes are Weird. The first chapter is under construction. (Seattle went at it with a battle axe...)

But it can't hurt to have it checked out... Come to think of it, that's the same thing I said when I submitted the first chapter to Seattle...

Anyway,

Title: Scribes Are Weird.

Tags: Slice of Life, Adventure.

Word count: 6984

Synopsis: Ghostwriter is Celestia's personal scribe, though he has doubts about his own skills. Ponies may respect his position, but not him personally and he's sick of it. When Celestia sends him to Ponyville to transcribe the events involving the Elements of Harmony, Ghost sees it as a chance for a fresh start. But when Ghost arrives, he has no idea what exploits the Elements of Harmony are always up to.

Link to Chapter 2: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1UpZW6xgNXngypna5JiPGgp1dHBzZPHKmUogPrGCPu_0/edit

As I said before, this chapter has 32.55555555552% more Pinkie Pie. Enjoy!

: Review pls
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1s0c1i1wNKaQVNsu5AKJv_BfsTnEkrW_0RDuh9KC9lfs/edit

Tags: Adventure.

As of yet, I have no real summary, but I shall make one up right now just for you.

Summary: Equestria has long since hidden in his shadow. With the princesses gone, a new immortal stepped in, and with him, the desire to extinguish ponykind. The prophecy spoke of a hero, one who will rise from the Equestria's ashes and end the turmoil.

Words: 3500 (approx)

>>110574
Hey its Hugbox here and stuff and totally not his good friend Khakispony jacking this thread due to an empty queue on my end and I'll be taking a look at your fic. Expect a review withing the next couple of hours.

>>110634
Coincidentally Pyro is my most played class.

>>110574
*Clears throat. Howdy ya'll. Hugbox here with your review.

Grammar needs a little touching up on. extra spaces and the occasional missing word both need fixing. You had one piece of dialogue that I, Hugbox, felt was a little ooc so I left a suggestion on how to fix it. Your story is a bit confusing to follow at first but it gets cleared up after Twilight drinks the memory restorer thing. The premise feels very crossovery sorta like the third hunger games book with amnesia thrown in for good measure. Besides that I didn't find too much wrong. The excess descriptions feel a little purple prosey but I'm not an expert on that front so I'm not going to call that out. All in all you did okay. Now, everyone back to the thread pardner

>>110653
If you're still free can you take a look at my fic that's a few posts up?

>>110659
I'll take a look.

>Posted before Ponychan starts breaking again

>>110692
Ok, well first, you've got comma issues and lots of them. You'll most likely need to find a dedicated editor who can point all that stuff out. The premise is... well to be honest I don't think it's a good one. I've already told you my qualms but in case it wasn't clear you'll either end up borrowing too much or not enough from the source material. Right now you tend to fall in the former category. At least change the characters names. The entire chapters expository dialogue which tends to make me feel like this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eJ2j8yxu-rc . Try adding descriptors in relevant dialogue to the plot rather than setting aside full paragraphs on telling us the characters. If you don't your flow with still be pretty flat. I may seem negative but this comes from someone who made the same mistakes when he first started (proof: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/8822/1/Ponyshock/Welcome-to-Eufillyia) so understand I'm just trying to help you avoid those same pitfalls. Until next time.

P.S. I, Hugbox, hereby proclaim Rarity is best pony. I've come to learn that Twilight is, in fact, inferior. Thank you for your patience.

>>110704
>P.S. I, Hugbox, hereby proclaim Rarity is best pony. I've come to learn that Twilight is, in fact, inferior. Thank you for your patience.
>Pic
Yeah okay

>>110708
That's right, keep posting. Push the thread closer to 400 posts.

>>110704
MY FIC IS BAD AND I SHOULD FEEL BAD

I think it kinda subverts the point of being a crossover if I have to rename all the characters that aren't from My Little Pony. I donno, I'm just saying. *shrugs*

You want less Courage and more Pony but I feel that I've hit a nice balance. It doesn't have to be about the mane six to be a pony fic. Once again, it isn't much of a crossover if MLP has to take presidence over Courage.

And yeah I did have a bad feeling the first chapter would have too much infodumping going on. It's something I'll have to fix if I ever go back and redo the chapter. It should stop being an issue by chapter two at least.

Well, thanks for taking a look at it anyway. I didn't think anybody would ever get to it. LOL

>>110732
>MY FIC IS BAD AND I SHOULD FEEL BAD
All fics have potential, just remember that and keep on trying. I haven't read your story, but I know that it can be improved to a level where reviewers won't have much to critique on it. The problem being is that we're not perfect writers, but as our writing abilities improve, so do the quality of your stories. You were probably joking, Mr. Zoidberg, but I still thought it a lesson that should be learned.

>>110772
Yeah I was just joking. I knew the story wasn't going to be the pinnacle of literature. If I did I wouldn't have posted it here in the first place.

And since we're finally on the home stretch, I'm closing this queue for good. There's still a few reviews to be done, which I will get too as soon as I'm finished running around like a madpony.

>>110708
>>110712
Let's try not to muddy up what's left of this thread please, I wouldn't want to have to put a review on an autosaged thread.

And that's all I have to say about that. Hopefully I'll be able to move again in the next few days, but until then, I'm out.

Well, we're on our way out, and I've decided to jump ship a bit early. I was going to finish it off with that TF2 crossover's 2nd chapter, but the first one exhibits most of the problems anyways.

I've decided to leave /Fic/ either forever or for an undetermined amount of time. This is NOT due to the recent moving and mod epidemic that happened recently.

I like to review, but I feel as though it warps my idea of what the show SHOULD be about. When you review fics you have problems with, it's hard after a long continuous of them to put those issues aside and just ENJOY it. I feel that I can't enjoy an episode anymore. Just recently I watched Hurricane Fluttershy and I couldn't help notice how ONE-DIMENSIONAL she is. I think I need some time to be able to just enjoy something pony related, and learn how to just enjoy it. Plus I'm trying to get a job, and school is starting back up in the few weeks, I'll have my hands full. Plus I need to put in time for TF2. That's like my morning coffee, because you may not know, I don't drink coffee.

It's been a pleasure, Minjask, and Khakis stop spamming me on Steam.

I guess the 'subject' is a bit misleading. I'm not going to review anymore for that undetermined amount of time, but I'll still show up in the IRC every once in a while. Maybe. You can always contact me at my email (The one I put in the OP I don't use much anymore, use the one in my name on this post) So yeah, I'll see you ponies later.

P.S Windows 8 is awesome, by the way.

>>111418
Well I can't say I blame you, things have indeed gotten pretty crazy lately, I finally finish an 80 hour work week on top of trying to find time for friends who haven't seen me in months, and I've still got three stories to do, which I'm about to get to by the way. It's been a pleasure working with you Professor. I look forward to seeing what you make of this whole poni deal.
My morning coffee is Vitamin Water Power-C Dragonfruit. that stuff is like, my Elixir man. I think I'll save that email, might hit you up on Skype too if you have it.
Windows 8 is out now? I'll have to get that.

And with that I think I should get to those stories now, ciao ponies.

You know, it’s funny; this reviewing thing has become a replacement of sorts for me for the void of in between seasons. That and Bronycon. It’s so much fun helping everypony improve, and after the crazy week I just had, I really needed this.

I couldn’t find anything strange with the story, especially since you answered the one question I still had, and the characterization in here is very good. I can see that you’ve found another reviewer for this, which is heartening. I left a few comments on the Doc, and that’s all I have to say about that.

>>111432

That's actually my editor as you can tell by the amount of red the page probably has. I hadn't made the corrections yet due to extreme laziness. He does make comments if he notices glaring mistakes, however, which I guess he must have that chapter.

I do appreciate all the help you gave me in this thread, though! I feel like my story has improved a lot in quality and detail thanks to what you were able to pick out and help me correct. Hopefully I see you around!

Hi there! I've got a review request for Minjask.

Title: Villains of a Certain Age
Author: BorgiaBrony
Tags: Comedy, Slice of Life,
Synopsis: Discord's old friends, Tirek and Grogar, bust him out of his stony prison and take him in. They spend the next few weeks catching up and doing what best friends do best: screwing around.
Link:http://www.fimfiction.net/story/31756/Villains-of-a-Certain-Age

More than anything, can you give me a review of the humor in this? Did it make you laugh? Chuckle? Smirk even? Because I sent this into the EQD pre-readers not too long ago and they just said that it wasn't funny, and I'd like a little more in depth look at it. Thanks very much!

>>111508
The queue is permanently closed for this thread. Minjask will be reviewing in TTG after this, so hit him up there.

That's right plot. Grammar and other stuff would be appreciated.

Title: Goodnight Pip

Tags: Sad

Summary: Not yet available...erm. Sorry. I would make one up but you'd all cry so I'd rather not do that to you.

Words: 1200

Linkzies: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1YCXsU8UcChUz8p4Gw2_qwjz40eeINNx1IOxDxjA57Y0/edit

Just saw last post ignore me

>>111632
Maybe we should lock this thread so that doesn't happen again. Godspeed, Minjask, you magnificent bastard.

>>111508
>>111632
As much as it pains me to turn down a story, the queue is permanently closed, as my colleague Professor Hugbox was so kind to point out. I'll be moving to The Training Grounds soon, assuming it's going to still be there when I get there, but that's not important at the moment.
>>111657
No, not just yet, I've another review to post before then. I'll make the report myself when I'm ready, but thank you anyway.

It would seem we've hit autosage, so I'm not sure if a thread-lock is even necessary, but I'm going to report this anyway simply because I love the modposts I see sometimes.

Ghostwriter found me on the Doc, so the Review was conducted there.

And with that, this review thread is now closed, see ya in the Training Grounds ponies.

Good night, sweet thread