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File 135163089166.jpg - (369.71KB , 700x990 , Bon Bon233__artist-lavosvsbahamut_bon-bon_lyra_macross_robotech.jpg )
123480 No. 123480 Autosaged [View] [Last 50 posts]
Greetings all, and welcome to the Training Grounds, the review thread for all authors, reviewers, proofreaders, and editors, both newcomer and seasoned veteran alike. It isn't the only such thread, but it's usually the busiest! (Previous edition of The Training Grounds; The sticky, which contains important information)

If you're a reviewer, old or new, and you want feedback on your review, please put a "*" at the front of the subject line of your review post.
For writers:
Submission guide | TL/DR of the submission guide | List of TTG regulars | Submission form | List of recently-finished reviews | Reviews in progress
For reviewers:
How to review | List of unclaimed requests
For Maintainers:
The full, current active queue | Statistics and queue-dump text for thread updates | A guide to how it's all organized
Live communication:
The IRC channel
Some Notes:
434 posts omitted. (View thread)
>> No. 127577
Title: Pony Grand Tour
Author: Hoof of Approval
email: nye.thurmond@live.com
Tags: [Adventure][Slice of Life]
Link: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/103054/pony-grand-tour

Synopsis: Rainbow Dash, in an attempt to prove herself worthy of joining the Wonderbolts, enters the Pegasus Grand Prix. And who better to be her crew than her best friends? But will friendship alone be enough to win it all?

Comments: This's my first story in this fandom. Honestly, I'm not gonna lie, I'm nervous as hell. I can write for shows or games long since ended just fine, but something like this, that's constantly evolving? Gonna need some serious assistance. Anyone free for a review, I will take. Doesn't matter who it is... but I'd prefer someone with a specialization in Characterization, since I already have an editor working on readability and technical errors.

Last edited at Sat, May 18th, 2013 15:04

>> No. 127587
Here is a story that I am working on. This is just the Prologue. Please let me know when you all think. Feel free to recommend ideas and thoughts.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/13mgcIFxAqqpGjnvUL3MH3WUA-2mJIBO_h4q3GoM7gr8/edit

I know it is a little long, but please take a read when you can. Thanks

Last edited at Sun, May 19th, 2013 21:16

>> No. 127588
>>127587
Sorry, wrong link. Derp. I just updated the link. Those of you already clicked the link. Please re-click it.

Thanks


File 135992113414.png - (155.60KB , 803x994 , Gutterloo.png )
126430 No. 126430 [View]
#Sad

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/81309/gutterloo

A sad and tragic story about the lonely life of an orphaned pegasus.
>> No. 126431
File 135992448139.gif - (0.97MB , 368x560 , sNENwHK.gif )
126431
The only sad part about this is you not reading the sticky, and the tragedy comes from me being the first to respond.


File 135984974000.png - (27.66KB , 233x233 , Raine Catgirl.png )
126416 No. 126416 [View]
#Author #Collection


Hey folks. I'm here to do a bit of shameless self promotion -- really, it's the best kind of self promotion. I have a few different stories up now so I figured, why not make one of these fancy author threads. Let's get started shall we? Here's my current works:

A Visit From the Princess:

Princess Celestia takes a day off and visits her favorite student. Drunken hijinks ensue.

Tags: Slice of life
Starring: Celestia, the mane 6, and the CMC.
Status: Complete
1 post omitted. (Expand)
>> No. 126418
>>126417
Dammit. I knew I was going to mess up one of them.

In other news, Kinds of Love is posted. Can't direct link it because of the rules, but it's on my Fimfiction account.
>> No. 126420
File 135986031162.jpg - (4.71KB , 115x169 , 6.jpg )
126420
>>126418

psst... You can edit your posts, yo.

Seriously, just check there at the bottom right, next to "reply" and "report".


Oh, and /fic/ is a bad place for shameless horseing. Not enough people to advertise to. Old /fic/ is even worse. Just a thought.

On that note, have music: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7U1aUt7kd8M

Otherwise, welcome, and don't feed the rabid attack hounds.
>> No. 126421
>>126420
Right. I'd only let me do it from the main /fic/ page.

Anyways, that one story that I can't post, Kinds of Love, got on the featured section. Fuck yeah!


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79297 No. 79297 [View]
#Discussion
If you were reading a fic and half way through a piece of description was, instead of a colour, an rgb hex value, would that be humourous or would it just pull you right out of the moment?
6 posts omitted. (Expand)
>> No. 79354
Yes, it would pull me right out of the moment. I imagine the same would be true for anyone, even somebody who could parse the meaning of it without difficulty, because the fact that it's so unexpected requires the reader to think about it. And whenever a reader has to stop and think about the author's writing (as opposed to thinking about the story itself), all immersion is destroyed.

As some others here have already suggested, that might be fine if you're writing a crack fic. If the story was serious in any way, shape, or form, it would be totally inappropriate.
>> No. 79588
File 132729794324.png - (340.44KB , 700x700 , 130762583862.png )
79588
If one character said it to another character, and it was played off as a Sheldon Cooper moment.

Then, hell yes-- I'd love it.

Now, if it was said in the voice of the narrator/writer etc... it would be weird.
>> No. 79642
It'd totally pull me out. It's more than a different language, it's a different technical trend altogether.

Any word outside a reader's vernacular is likely going to interfere with the flow of the story. It's why Purple Prose is a bad thing.

Same thing here. I don't know anything about rgb hex values, it's outside my vernacular, so if you went and said "the sky was an endless expanse of #0000FF, broken only by a few lazily drifting #FFFFFF clouds" I wouldn't know what the hay you were talking about.

Also, prose is more than just description, you need to chose words that have the correct meaning and sound, etc. I doubt a number would fit well as substitute.

But there's always exceptions. I totally agree with >>79588 on this.


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106852 No. 106852 [View]
#Discussion
So I gotta be honest, I'm not sure if any of these review threads are good for scripts.

Call me lazy or me have bad grammer, but I'm just more comfortable with scripts and wondering what the best avenue to take when trying to get notes and reviews.

Pic unrelated, it's Tolstoy.
2 posts omitted. (Expand)
>> No. 106878
>>106866

It's a legit scripts, stage directions, formatted for dialogue, the works.

I'm less interested in EqD then I am with it being good for possible production a later time and space.
>> No. 106895
>>106878
Good luck finding the four-legged people to perform it.
>> No. 106910
>>106895

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/allfours/

Boom, just hire them.


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124719 No. 124719 [View]
#Single fic #Sci-fi #Grimdark

Well, this is actually my first thread over here on Ponychan (let alone on any sort of -chan in general), so bear with me.

My story is something I've been working at for about 5-6 months, but I don't know if I'm on the right track or not. It's a little complicated to explain the story itself in a few words without the synopsis, so I'll let it do all the work, but essentially, I'm looking for any help I can get, and whatever I can get would be more than appreciated.

Story so far is at 22,464 words and incomplete. I already have the entire plot in mind, and the narrative structure in at least the first two chapters aren't consistent with how I'll be doing the remaining chapters. None of it went through an editor yet either, so grammatical errors and other hitches are imminent. I'm also working on getting a cover, so for now it's using a placeholder. Please disregard it!

Hope you enjoy it!

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/29696/The-Price-of-Loyalty
3 posts omitted. (Expand)
>> No. 126370
File 135964739198.gif - (8.50KB , 500x500 , SpikeSuperDance.gif )
126370
>>124720
I laughed WAY too hard at that image. You own me a new cup of water.
>> No. 126378
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126378
>>126370
>Pic

What bumped this thread?
>> No. 126395
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126395
>>126378
I don't know. All I know is that it wasn't me, since I don't go digging through an almost dead board to necro.


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122836 No. 122836 [View]
#Discussion

Let's talk about characters and alternate dimensions. We brainstorm and judge if the ideas would work.

Twilight Sparkle - A combo between a mischievous popular girl and a merciless badass that wouldn't say no to taking over the world. Would this mixture work?
Applejack - Antonio Banderas
Rainbow Dash - Peter Pan
Pinkie Pie - I'd change her color to a darker pink and make her a pegasus, give her more moments, and turn her into Deadpool.
Rarity - 4/10 playful, 6/10 mature, able to kick ass, kind of a James Bond.
Rose Dust - A powerful fairie earth pony that later gets wings. Not sure which personalities to give this one.
11 posts omitted. (Expand)
>> No. 125088
>>125086
That post is one month old...
>> No. 125091
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125091
>>125088
And once again the obscure yet completely visible time and date stamp eludes me. A shame; I miss IPP.
>> No. 125516
I was toying with the concept of mirror universe for quite a while now. Since I was influenced with Star Trek Mirror universe.

>Twilight Sparkle

The apprentice of the Pitiless Sun. Her "friendship" consist of collaboration with other like minded ponies to manipulate the princess' subjects to follow their bidding. Also she secretly trying to find a way to topple her mentor and took her power.She never fully trust anypony and willing to sacrifice her fellow allies to reach her objectives.

>Applejack

Part of the unscrupulous land owner family "The Apples." They own and monopolize most of the farmlands and use slaves. She love to use lies to gain more lands. She and the rest of the Apples are allied with Twilight Sparkle since Twilight need the Apples crime network for her plans and Applejack want a share of power when Twilight came to power.

>Rainbow Dash


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71561 No. 71561 [View]
Salutations, /fic/. I come to you for aid with my efforts to write some of the best pony fanfiction I can.

I am an aspiring novelist--and I don't mean "I wanna write a book someday," I mean "The 145,000 word novel I just wrote is currently undergoing professional editing." In order to relax and let off some steam from all that, I decided to write a ponyfic. After spending a lot of effort plotting out what I hoped to be the most epic and amazing fanfic of all time (lol humility) I found out about the new alicorn on ED. The very existence of this new alicorn destroys the premise of my fic. However, I do have a second idea for a fic.

I come to you now to ask if I ought to write the original fic, which I personally think is awesome and which I strove to give lots of depth while keeping with the tone of the show but will be entirely invalidated, or if I should write the second idea.

Basic summaries of both fics next post.
13 posts omitted. (Expand)
>> No. 81415
Well it turns out the fic is turning into an amazingly bizarre parody of the movie industry. I'm liking it so far, but it's gonna be one of the stranger fics out there. Let's put it this way: In it, "Twilight" fights a polar bear.

According to my alpha reader, the story is epic in the absolute silliest way possible. Also according to my alpha reader, my depiction of Nightmare Moon is apparently absolutely terrifying and one of the scariest takes on the character he's seen. Yay?

Hopefully I'll be ready to put up a beta-read thing to get your takes on it in a week or two.
>> No. 81417
War-vet?
Michael Bay?

...

... Boogaloo?

Aaaawwww yeeeaaah!
>> No. 81448
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81448
>>81415
Certainly never expected to see this thread pop back up...

As a general note, you may want to consider remaking your thread to properly present your story, in which case you should familiarize yourself with the sticky.
Also, "Status update" bumps are frowned upon here, mostly due to the fact that, in the majority of cases, the story never really gets updated (and the fact that threads have an expiary date measured in months). Feel free to bump when you have fresh material to show off, though.


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126347 No. 126347 [View]
#Sad #Dark

I posted this already, but that was when I cared a little bit more about finding an editor and getting this on EQD. Now, it's here solely for self promotion and for your enjoyment...if you so choose.
6 posts omitted. (Expand)
>> No. 126361
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126361
>>126360
>> No. 126366
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126366
>>126359
>Dat dog
>> No. 126380
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126380
>>126366
>Dat face


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125472 No. 125472 [View]
#Poll

Hi /fic/,
Thought I'd toss this one up here this time,
because... well, this is /fic/, dammit.

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheet/viewform?formkey=dEJWaWptZTlJOFN6OGotdUpyNWZLcnc6MQ

Cheers.
>> No. 125503
File 135513416016.png - (40.72KB , 148x193 , ah.png )
125503
Oh hey, it's this poll. Done 'n done.
>> No. 126346
I'mma bump this in order to ask: has anything been done with this poll? Are there any results? Can we see them? Did I miss the big announcement, or are responses still being collected, or is data being sorted, or is it all dead, or what?

'Cause, you know, I'd kinda like to know.


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126200 No. 126200 [View]
#Single fic #Crossover #Random

So Jake starts narrating the story of how he, Finn, and Princess T-Rex ended up in Equestria, and their most excellent and audacious escapades, not just in the Celestial Kingdoms, but in all of planet Equis.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1yJ5vtswFfbTel02YuqdycuGewvpdXH1A1DgWm1g3dPQ/edit

Feel free to comment to your heart's content. And remember to turn off your mind, relax and flow downstream have fun!

Last edited at Fri, Jan 18th, 2013 12:23

15 posts omitted. (Expand)
>> No. 126343
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126343
>>126333 Well, tt's an Adventure Time fic, so one should expect a globawful amount of made-up words. And sexual innuendo. And references to drugs. I didn't come up with THAT one, that's from the Viewtiful Joe games, but I love to pimp it whenever I can, aaaand this doesn't seem to be the right time for that... as usual.

Regardless of your intent, the very existence of your message makes it clear to me that some people might infer from that description that I cannot spell.

Of course, to reach that guess, they'd have to believe I'm not even skilled enough to use a spell-checker and make "Rouge Angles Of Satin" mistakes like the AVERAGE newbie. Spell-checkers are such a basic precaution that, when meeting blatant nonstandard spellings, there's a pretty good chance they're intentional. But I suppose there's enough fanfic writers that are worse than the average newbie, that it can be hard to tell.

So, when using my beloved "viewtiful", the loss (some readers thinking "this writer is an EXTREME idiot, let's ditch this story" or worse, "this writer is trying to be clever in a way that will have him mistaken for an extreme idiot, which makes him even MORE of an idiot!") outweighs the gain (some readers thinking "LOL, that was clever and funny, let's see if the whole story's like this!").

TL;DR I'll go and correct that pronto.


*sigh* There's still so much I need to learn that, effectively, I truly AM a fool...
>> No. 126344
File 135949326120.jpg - (766.43KB , 1024x768 , ViewtifulJoe[1].jpg )
126344
>>126343
What? No, it's fine. I just wanted to post that after seeing "Viewtiful".
>> No. 126345
File 135949447167.jpg - (3.40MB , 2681x3568 , LumpySpace.jpg )
126345
>>126344 Gotta love that chiaroscuro. So stark! So dynamic and dramatic! Compare and contrast with Adventure Time's flat, soft, rounded art (to the point that often people have no joints in their limbs!), and the incredibly cutesy way in which some outright DISTURBING things are depicted. It's like a graphic kid-friendly variation of American Psycho; everything is treated as normal and casual and unremarkable and quite often that everything either makes no sense or is horrifying if you even stop to think of it.

Maybe the ponies wouldn't freak out after all, if they're surrounded by people who act like everything that's going on is perfectly okay and not PTSD-worthy.


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90278 No. 90278 Locked [View]
#Reviewer #Sad #Comedy #Shipping #Grimdark #Proof-reading
We've all been there, where we submit to EQD, get rejected and are told to find a proof-reader. Well hello, you found me. I don't claim I have perfect grammar, or claim to make your story be posted to EQD. However I will try.

Rules:
1:My choice, I decide what to proofread or not.

2: Only googledocs. Google docs makes my job much easier, and if you don't know what google docs is, look it up, not hard. There's an amazing site to help you, google.com

3: In your docs, my preferred method is if you give me editing rights, that way I can give you a much much more thorough proofreading and will fix any mistakes I see. If not at least let me comment. Add my email "dracoliat.h@gmail.com"

4: Convince me: Tell me why I should proof-read your story, I don't want your sob story, I want you to make me interested!

5: My thread, my rules.
37 posts omitted. (View thread)
>> No. 126289
>>126282
Welcome.
>> No. 126338
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126338
I hope you don't exclusively accept pony related stories?

Fic name: Behind the Silk folds

Describe fic in five words: Minor chapter, Buildup, Non-pony, Chinese

Synopsis/ teaser: A buildup chapter in which the main character, Zhi, is pestered by her closest friend, Feng for most of it. The story is about the group of assassins for hire taking various jobs in the late Ming Dynasty China ( Late 16th century )

MAIN characters: A woman assassin by the name of Zhi, as well as her companions in an assassins for hire group.

Type of story: Historical Fiction, based in Ming dynasty China, non pony related.
>> No. 126340
File 135944022621.png - (77.05KB , 257x273 , 131083088922.png )
126340
Due to inactivity I'll be locking this thread. OP, if you come back, feel free to email a mod (don't bother trying to report this post) and request an unlock!


File 135937488707.jpg - (210.81KB , 1600x689 , SR-concept-Alduin's_Wall_Temple.jpg )
126331 No. 126331 [View]

someone should do a fallout:equestria style fic but with the ellderscrolls *hides under a rock*
>> No. 126332
File 135939693043.gif - (3.63MB , 360x196 , 9a0.gif )
126332
Just a thought, but you should READ THE STICKY.
*Revs up rock crusher*
>> No. 126335
A few thoughts.
>There already are a few Elder Scrolls crossovers in this fandom (and on EqD.)
>Judging from your post, I assume that you haven't written that much, if anything at all.
>If you really want to write an epic, then just write one. Even if it's terrible—as it probably will be if it's your first—then at least you learned from it. We all have to start somewhere.


File 135906074765.png - (1.34MB , 1096x728 , 135376550968.png )
126295 No. 126295 [View]
I'm thinking of writing a pony fanfic but I want to know if the concept has already been overused.

The story has Celestia revealing the true origin of Spike, how long ago before ponyville existed there was this giant black dragon who was pure evil, caused unstoppable destruction and forced the princesses to send their entire army against him.
They were unable to defeat him, and the dragon almost manages to destroy both princesses, but at the right moment, Celestia uses the Elements of Harmony to encase the power of the Dragon and it results in the egg that end up becoming Spike.

The story then has the characters dealing with the fact that the evil side of Spike is becoming stronger, and Twilight has to decide how to deal with this, Will she choose to end the evil inside Spike by killing or exiling him? Or will she try to help Spike keep the evil inside him under control?

Suggestions and critiques are welcome.
>> No. 126310
Story Forge: >>119870

Your first story probably isn't going to be very good. Just try to have fun with it. Don't worry about making something that you want to show to other people until you know that you like writing.


File 135868167963.png - (649.56KB , 800x879 , Zero01.png )
126250 No. 126250 [View]
#Discussion #Normal

An experiment / a fun dance of the fingers / on top of keyboard.

A verbose story / With a restricted word count / Like a short, beige thought.

DIalogue written / in manner identical / To the exposition.

First five syllables / Then seven in this here spot / Then finally five.

Coun-ting Syl-la-bles / Sounds si-mi-lar to stut-ter / You now rea-lize this.

Perhaps I will go / And make this a thing right now / Or maybe I won't.
>> No. 126254
>>126250

Initial poster
frolicking with his ponies
Probably likes men.

English syllables
are alien to haiku
It just should not be

haiku in long chains
Are even less true to form
>> No. 126256
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126256
>>126254

Why so cynical? / Why do you ask "Why" should we? / Instead of "Why not?"

Why did you say that? / Was calling me gay needed? / Definitely not.

This is behavior / Wholly unnecessary, / Eat some soap, will you?

Haiku is a poem / Not restricted to japanese / You are short in sight.
>> No. 126258
>haiku in long chains
>Are even less true to form
>why write a meta-poem?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Renga


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