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128564 No. 128564 Locked Stickied [View]

Welcome to /fic/, the board for pony fanfiction and all things related to it! If you have any questions or just want to chat, feel free to drop by the #fic IRC.

Rules

  1. Threads and posts should pertain to written fiction.
  2. Threads should not be redundant.
  3. If you request a review of the same story from multiple people, let each of them know you have done so.

Note: All site-wide rules still apply.

>> No. 128565
  • >>128414 General – Ask an Equestria Daily Pre-reader Anything
  • >>128937 Open reviews – The Training Grounds
  • >>128162 Reviewer – NickNack
  • >>128349 Reviewer – PinkieAnon


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131110 No. 131110 [View]
#Single fic #Sad

It had been fifteen years since his brother had passed away by taking his own life Joel having been only been fourteen at the time and his brother only two years older he witnessed his brothers demise this scarred his already frail and fragile young mind and he has carried this heavy baggage around with him and grieved over the loss of his beloved brother ever since. Now Joel is twenty nine and still resides within his penthouse in bronx he had bought with the money he had inherited from his father when he had died. Joel is still upholding his rather playboyish lifestyle. But this week more particularly this day was different. On a normal week joel would've picked some gullible mare off the street and date here for a week or two then leave her a few weeks later. But this week was different this week happened to contain the day of the anniversary of that fateful day his brother had snapped under all the pressure and decided to put an end to all the pain of having to witness the constant quarreling between their parents. This day he had knew was coming however something unexpected was headed his way later this day that.That being the closure to end this grief over his brother once and for all. Closure to this pain is not something he consciously sought after its something his troubled mind yurned for. he had promised himself he would stop by Calvary Cemetery today to to pay his respects to his brother as he did every year on the anniversary.Little did he know this particular visit would change his life forever and hed also meet a new friend (expect updates on this post as the day passes)


No. 128883 [View] [Last 50 posts]
#Reviewer

As everyone should know by now, Equestria Daily has gone almost exclusively to short bullet-point reviews, except in cases where only a small number of items need to be corrected for posting. I enjoy giving longer reviews, but can no longer do so through Equestria Daily, so I will post them here. I will only do so for stories that in my estimation would have passed the old automoon system; others will get only the bullet-point treatment in the email.

This thread is only for the authors in question and me. They are free to ask questions or ask me to remove their reviews from the thread for any reason. For any other traffic, I will ask a mod to delete it. General questions about Equestria Daily or the pre-reading process should be posted here:
>>128414

Note that I won't give an exhaustive list of errors; I'll provide a representative list of the types of problems I find and leave it to the author to scour his story for the rest.

To avoid repeating myself, I'll post a few of the more common discussion topics up here; your review may refer you to one or more of these.

Dash and hyphen use:
Hyphens are reserved for stuttering and hyphenated words. Please use a proper dash otherwise. They can be the em dash (Alt+0151) with no spaces around it or en dash (Alt+0150) surrounded by spaces. Some usage (primarily American) employs only the em dash, while other usage (primarily British) employs an em dash for cutoffs and an en dash for asides. It doesn't matter which system an author uses, as long as he is consistent.
271 posts omitted. (View thread)
>> No. 131107
>>131104

Thanks so much for the technical breakdown, these are all things I have a habit to overlook or not even consider in my writing. It's certainly nice to get real, constructive criticism for a change. I've done a fair bit of editing already and the changes are live so you can use the same story link to check them out. Let me know if I got things closer to acceptable here.
>> No. 131108
>>131107
Well, how to proceed is up to you. As long as you're making progress, you can keep resubmitting, so you don't have to worry about strikes. If you think it's ready for another try, you can simply submit it again.

However, if you want further input from me as to whether it's ready, that'll mean I have a vested interest in the story, and I have to recuse myself from judging it when it does come back through. That'll mean that it may well take much longer to get a response (I tend to take my returning stories quickly) and another pre-reader may well have different problems with it. Your call.
>> No. 131109
>>131108

I've gone ahead and re-submitted. I do feel like I got a lot of things cleaned up and fleshed out some parts that certainly are better for it now. Again, I really appreciate the technical feedback and all and I'm going to try and apply all of what you went over to my future stories as well.


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131084 No. 131084 [View]

Hey Everyone. I'm doing a show on Scary fic's for Nightmare Night (Halloween) tomorrow and I would like some suggestions on what fics you think are scary.
>> No. 131094
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131094
I'll refrain from plugging my own, but here are two that I enjoyed muchly. I don't care if it's not a word.

Forever Faithful [www.fimfiction.net] by Konseiga
Slender Mane [www.equestriadaily.com] by Chicken Vortex

Last edited at Tue, Oct 14th, 2014 23:01

>> No. 131105
>>131094
That Slender Mane link leads to an expired file. I tracked down a copy and made a new Gdoc
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1PbGE71KZQCeGVLgKQRI141qi653yOOrsMEWMTtPxWY4/edit#

Last edited at Tue, Oct 21st, 2014 01:08



No. 131103 [View]

MLP Story idea

Working title: "I will marry you"

I have not wrote any fan fiction in a long time but decided to try it again. This is an idea I have for a story but need help to flesh it out and spot plot holes

Takes place ~2 years after season 4, involving a romantic & sexual relationship between Twilight and Flash Sentry. They want to get married and run into severe resistance to this desire.

IT WILL NOT BE A CLOP FIC. The idea is that their relationship has advanced to the point were they're sexually active, but no description or scenes of this will be in the story.

PREMISE:


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128937 No. 128937 [View] [Last 50 posts]
#Reviewer #The Training Grounds
Previous thread: >>128053

Welcome one and all to the Training Grounds, the review thread authors and reviewers, both newcomers and seasoned veterans alike! With the closing of the spreadsheet, we’re going back to square one: just stories, reviews, and this thread right here. Things will be kept track of by hoof, wing, and/or claw with a listing every so often.

How to get a review: Post a story with its title, description, tags, and a link to it where applicable. Please include all of these in your post and not just a Fimfiction link to a title page.

How to review: Write what you think about a story (or review) and post it in a reply. Put a * in front of the subject field if you’d like your review reviewed.

List of unclaimed stories: >>129398

Last edited at Thu, Feb 13th, 2014 11:07

348 posts omitted. (View thread)
>> No. 131091
>>131053
>>131072

Apologies for the delay. I was without internet for a couple of days. However, since I had a bit of extra time, I was able to get the review into something of a completed state, rather than just a preliminary review.

As always, keep in mind that my opinion is just that, an opinion. While I do think that others would in general agree with my opinions, you are still the writer, so I would encourage you not to make any changes unless you understand what I am talking about. I also encourage you to ask questions or present your own ideas, either in this thread or via email.

Anyway, onto the review.


From reading the story, I would guess that you haven't written a lot of fiction before. If you haven't done so already, I would recommend reading through Ezn's Guide here: http://www.fimfiction.net/writing-guide
Particularly the style, pacing, and characters sections would be pretty helpful.
>> No. 131093
I have written more words, and I now need eyes on them. I'm looking for story feedback on chapter three specifically, but if you'd like to read the rest of it it's all in doc.

>Title, synopsis, tags: >>131035
Wordcount: 4,243 (out of a total 11,237)
Link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1_KnJ77OJkWqd5H006lqY8SDOrNLm7nymAHOcmwh87Dg/edit#heading=h.pj98r1s4q1ac

Last edited at Mon, Oct 13th, 2014 22:11

>> No. 131102
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131102
Typed this up about an hour ago. It's completely unrefined, so I'll be doing some clean up, but I thought I'd drop it here and see if anything bites.

Title: Night of Disarray
Tags: Sad, Slice of Life
Synopsis: Hoping to find something she'd lost, Twilight Sparkle returns to her old home, Ponyville. The rundown town still holds a few surprises, and some old faces. Sometimes a good friend is all you really need to face the night.
Word count: 4,086
Link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1kO2fHKnS7oiOgu0_vtVr3N30P86NeYG9CRIjqFM8OSY/edit


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131096 No. 131096 [View]

Hello, I am a new writer to the site of FIMfiction who's pen name is Wings of Liberation. I have been chewing on the idea of publishing this Doctor Whooves story I wrote a couple months ago in Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy format. I have also been snacking on the idea of continuing one of my friend's stories that he had to abandon for personal reasons. But, I've also been wanting to make a new fanfiction. So, I was wondering if /fic/ had any ideas on what they'd like to see written. I would prefer it if the idea was along the roots of an Ask fic because those are always fun to write.
1 post omitted. (Expand)
>> No. 131098
>>131097
It works relatively the same, only in a different layout without any pictures.
>> No. 131099
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131099
>>131098

Do you still run it as a blog, then, so people can ask questions?
>> No. 131100
>>131099
Actually, most Ask fics use the reviews/comments section to receive asks.


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32807 No. 32807 [View] [Last 50 posts]
As you may be able to tell by my chosen moniker, I enjoy me some Warhammer 40K. And the thought of smashing two settings so thematically opposed together... amused me. So it should be no surprise that I've been picking away at something of a crossover fanfic.

Using MLP as the starting point (obviously), I imagined what it would be like if Equestria became more like the Imperium. What I shot for was something in between, with the rough edges of the granddaddy of grimdark, while still retaining some of the ponies' lighthearted, cartoony nature. Hopefully I succeeded.

Unfortunately, I'm something of a sluggish writer on projects as large as this appears to be, so updates will likely be few and far between. Comments, criticisms and suggestions are always welcome. And I've always found encouragement to help motivate me too. ;)
So with probably some further ado, here is chapter one:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1FAOt3C_1FzyQXCFhN2SROaEetUzmGku3K017JD_3Auk/edit?hl=en_US&pli=1
If the response is good, and I get some more written, I'll get it out to other venues.
63 posts omitted. (View thread)
>> No. 130174
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130174
Well, that took a while. It's actually my longest chapter to date, by word count, but it still probably should not have taken as long as it has. Still, I'm undeterred. Hopefully getting closer to some parts I've been excited for will keep me motivated.

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/6584/31/archives-of-the-friendquisition/chapter-31
>> No. 131061
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131061
Still plugging away. I don't really expect anyone to read this thread anymore, but it's the most accurate record I have regarding my writing of this story.

But just in case...

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/6584/32/archives-of-the-friendquisition/chapter-32
>> No. 131063
>>131061
whoa, you still update? cool


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131062 No. 131062 [View]
#Single fic #Sad

Apologies if I'm posting incorrectly, I'm unfamiliar with this site. I'm posting here to advertise my fanfic, "Twilight Falls, Sunset Dawns".

In this fic (begun before Rainbow Rocks and quietly ignoring it) Sunset returns to Equestria and uses a relic to switch bodies with Twilight and steal her life. From where Twilight is sent to live with Sunset's old mentor and learns her history with him and Celestia while Sunset lives Twilight's life and struggles to reconcile Twilight's lifestyle with the one she wants. Backstory, drama, and tears ensue.

Besides general feedback, I'd be interested in an English-fluent pre-reader to help me with matters of spelling and grammar. :)

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/194394/twilight-falls-sunset-dawns


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131049 No. 131049 [View]
#Author

Dear /fic/,

All I want to say is thank you. Thank you that you gents and occasional gall helped me to improve my basic understanding of English. Never before I knew that semicolons, ellipsis, dashes and much more could be used in the ways you showed me.

There are people who I tried to help through reviews and those who helped me try to better the train wrecks I never published. These people know who they are.

Al in al it was great, /fic/ here and on mlpchan had its ups and downs. Eventually most migrated to the IRC. That one, however, is kinda empty. Better said quiet.

So long and thanks for all the tips!

SplitInfinitive
>> No. 131050
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131050
It's been a pleasure, an honor, and a privilege learning, teaching, writing and reviewing around here.
>> No. 131058
Good to know you, Split, but I hope this doesn't mean you're done with ponies for good. I still pop into IRC a few times a week, most reliably late Saturday night.


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130894 No. 130894 [View]
#Discussion

I'm not sure if this is the right board for this, since it's not really a fic and it's probably not going to be one, but I would still like some feedback on an idea of mine from writers and readers. Naturally, this is all based on the season 4 episode Power Ponies.

I formed an evil anti-Power Ponies team of villains with powers that specifically counter the abilities and strengths of the PPs, as well as being similarly based on the personalities of the Mane 6. They might be evil clones, I don't really know, but they look mostly like the Mane 6 like the PPs do. I'm really proud of them, so any suggestions or feedback would be very much appreciated :)

Fillisecond's super speed is rather easy to defeat. Stickywicket is practically made of sticky bubblegum, allowing her to immobilize anyone who tries to brawl with her or gets caught in one of her sticky gum traps. She's very giggly and pranksterish, and can also do comical maneuvers like inflating her own head and floating away (Like Pinkie did that one time).

Radiance's attack constructs are dependent on her focus, which is why her evil counterpart Mesmeralda uses her dazzling charm and blinding lightshows to distract and beguile her opponents. She can be seductive when it helps her get past security, and is difficult to chase down when laser lights and smoke aid in her escape. I can totally imagine her and Radiance getting caught up in simple banter, calling each other ugly and insulting each other's style.

There's no force in the world that can stop Saddlerager, which is why Yellowbelly uses the opposite of force. Her extreme meekness and timidity is phenomenally disarming, and when she bursts into tears it's near impossible to stand up against her. The other members of the team tend to bully her, and even use her as a distraction to escape, but make no mistake, she's just as evil as the rest.

Mistress Mare-velous has practically no powers above what any ordinary unicorn can do, and has a "capturing" motif with her lasso. As such, MissFortu
>> No. 131047
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131047
Whoo, someone made some art for Stickywicket!
And they're working on Mesmeralda next!


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131041 No. 131041 [View]
#Discussion #Normal

Voicing over this (http://www.fimfiction.net/story/215451/the-lost-human) because we can. Need voice actors for Luna, Chrysalis and Celestia, though - anyone interested?


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130986 No. 130986 [View]
#Discussion #Sci-fi

From "Friendship is Optimal" by Iceman. ITT if CelestAI took over the world and you emigrated to Equestria, what would your shard be like?

I would be a permanent graduate student (but with less stress) studying horticulture, doing research, doing gardening and greenhouse work and occasionally exploring the world (not limited to Equestria) and discovering new species of plants. I'd definitely request a better memory. My social life would be like a moe slice-of-life anime with my friends and I hanging around drinking tea, eating cake, talking about silly things, reading, and watching anime because anime, the internet and video games would definitely still exist. No coltfriends or romance. The university I studied at would be very diverse with not only unicorns, earth ponies, and pegasi, but donkeys, griffins, zebras, dragons, minotaurs, possibly even deers, okapis, qirins, and giraffes, etc going by hooves seemingly = talking by show standards.

Last edited at Wed, Aug 20th, 2014 14:26

>> No. 131034
I would be a pony of the stage; a singer, an actor, an entertainer! I'd live in a cozy house in the hills, like the Regent Square area of Pittsburgh, where the neighborhood is like a town of its own. In my spare time, I'd be learning something new whenever I could: a new language, dance, martial arts, cooking, anything! I'd always have something to do and someone to talk to of I needed them.


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130995 No. 130995 [View]
#Single fic #Normal #Sad #Comedy #Shipping

Hey i never came here before. Im a 4chan poster but they recently decided to block my ip range so i cant post there wich doesnt matter anyways because /mlp is nothing but a collection of generals and write this weeks fetish threads.
Im in the mood to read a couple of short storys but i dont really feel like learning about new characters, also i would preffer to read one situation storys like we came, we did something. end of the story or storys with not much development.
I read one once were vinyl was depressed, she went to see octavia and she cheered her up, anotherone were anon has a date with pinkie pie. Just a date without previous drama or afterdate drama. This is what im looking for
4 posts omitted. (Expand)
>> No. 131000
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131000
>>130999

I just keep an eye on all the boards because I have no life, but...let me think.

Maybe try Naked Singularity? I used to read a whole lot of fics, but I'm always bad at remembering names.
>> No. 131001
>>131000
i have that problem with s lot of things mostly games, music and comics. I try to keep an archive of everything but i suck at it. Maybe a log of everything i do during the day would work better.
I found a reading, it doesnt look short but i will listen to the first ten minutes and if im hooked i will listen to the rest o it
>> No. 131032
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131032
>Me
>Picture
But I digress. Chris' 5-star pony fic blog would be a good starting point. Accomplished reviewer who's gone over much of the fandom's major works. Just use the filters for 5/4 star reviews and pick your poison.


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119870 No. 119870 [View] [Last 50 posts]
#Discussion #General #StoryForge
Hello, and welcome to the eighth iteration of the Story Forge, /fic/'s story idea and brainstorming general thread!

If you have a story idea that you do not wish to write, or are looking for a seed of an idea upon which to build your world, consider this place a literary take-a-penny jar. We can also help flesh out your story ideas, but do suggest that once you get the ball rolling, to move the conversation to one of our many fine Review Threads. If you see someone asking for fic ideas, or posting a few, please direct them here.

Form if you want feedback on your idea: http://goo.gl/3rdNQ
The list of ideas: http://goo.gl/o4sCW

Previous thread: >>106451
310 posts omitted. (View thread)
>> No. 130263
Here's the idea for a story that I'll not write. Use it well.

Tentative Title: "Have Gummy — Will Travel"

High Concept: Pinkie Pie leaves Ponyville and becomes a travelling party pony.

Synopsis:

After the events of "Pinkie Pride", Pinkie begins to question if she's good enough as a party pony.

After losing the dispute for the position of Master of Ceremonies in the Ponyville Days Festival ("Simple Ways"), she wonders if her parties are becoming boring and repetitive.
>> No. 130891
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130891
Hello!

So I am a huge fan of the Overlord series of games, recently playing through both Overlord 1 and 2 again in the past month. I don't write often, mostly because I trouble deciding on character personalities, but I love to think of scenarios where characters that are established might behave in certain situations.

Now the part I made the post about: What are some thoughts of the Overlord and his Minions invading Equestria and attempt to bring darkness to the land? The characters would be written as closely to their canon counterparts as humanly possible, no radical changes from what is established in canon personality wise.

I have a short FAQ that should answer common questions about the consistency of the story:

Q: Who will win in the end?

A: This seems like the most important, but I want to say that you'd have to read to see. Please remember that if I am writing the characters as closely to canon as possible, I'm not going to scar the land and world permanently in either side's favor. (Equestria beaming such good magic that evil beings are weakened just being there is an example of scaring the land in one side's favor)
>> No. 131023
>>130891

Links to the other crossovers would be appreciated so that I don't have you repeating something you know has already been done.

I've played Overlord, the expansion pack, Overlord 2, and Overlord: Dark Legends as well as The Elder Scrolls Oblivion and Skyrim, so hopefully I can be of help. To clarify the nomenclature, the original overlord is called the "Olderlord," the PC from Overlord is of course "Overlord," the PC from Overlord 2 is the "Underlord" because his "tower" is underground, and the PC from Overlord: Dark Legends is the "Overlad."

The first question is whether this is going to be a Trollestia universe. There have been fics reimagining Princess Celestia as a tyrant, or at least abusing her powers, which will in turn have an effect on the new overlord. I'm going to assume the answer is no, but I'd like you to at least consider Luna/Nightmare Moon, Discord, and especially King Sombra's role in your fic.

Second question is "purple minions," the hypothetical new variety of minions created when the lifeforce of one of the pony races is used instead of sheep. I would like you to at least consider a race of flying minions created from a former pegasi as among the reason for the invasion. I would also like consideration to be given to "black minions" created from Changelings.

Now a moment of headcanon: The stereotypical evil overlord was defeated by a party of eight fairly standard heroes: a halfling bard, an elf ranger, a dwarf warrior, a human paladin, a human thief, a half-giant fighter, a wizard, and a martyr. The name, race, and character class of the martyr who died in the act of defeating the evil overlord were never revealed, but we assume it to be a cleric of the Mumbler's religion. The original overlord, the Olderlord, cheated death by invading the mind of the old wizard. The martyr was resurrected by the few remaining evil minions in the broken tower to act as their temporary leade


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