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128564 No. 128564 Locked Stickied [View]

Welcome to /fic/, the board for pony fanfiction and all things related to it! If you have any questions or just want to chat, feel free to drop by the #fic IRC.


  1. Threads and posts should pertain to written fiction.
  2. Threads should not be redundant.
  3. If you request a review of the same story from multiple people, let each of them know you have done so.

Note: All site-wide rules still apply.

>> No. 128565
  • >>128414 General – Ask an Equestria Daily Pre-reader Anything
  • >>128937 Open reviews – The Training Grounds
  • >>128162 Reviewer – NickNack
  • >>128349 Reviewer – PinkieAnon

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131049 No. 131049 [View]

Dear /fic/,

All I want to say is thank you. Thank you that you gents and occasional gall helped me to improve my basic understanding of English. Never before I knew that semicolons, ellipsis, dashes and much more could be used in the ways you showed me.

There are people who I tried to help through reviews and those who helped me try to better the train wrecks I never published. These people know who they are.

Al in al it was great, /fic/ here and on mlpchan had its ups and downs. Eventually most migrated to the IRC. That one, however, is kinda empty. Better said quiet.

So long and thanks for all the tips!

>> No. 131050
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It's been a pleasure, an honor, and a privilege learning, teaching, writing and reviewing around here.
>> No. 131058
Good to know you, Split, but I hope this doesn't mean you're done with ponies for good. I still pop into IRC a few times a week, most reliably late Saturday night.

No. 128883 [View] [Last 50 posts]

As everyone should know by now, Equestria Daily has gone almost exclusively to short bullet-point reviews, except in cases where only a small number of items need to be corrected for posting. I enjoy giving longer reviews, but can no longer do so through Equestria Daily, so I will post them here. I will only do so for stories that in my estimation would have passed the old automoon system; others will get only the bullet-point treatment in the email.

This thread is only for the authors in question and me. They are free to ask questions or ask me to remove their reviews from the thread for any reason. For any other traffic, I will ask a mod to delete it. General questions about Equestria Daily or the pre-reading process should be posted here:

Note that I won't give an exhaustive list of errors; I'll provide a representative list of the types of problems I find and leave it to the author to scour his story for the rest.

To avoid repeating myself, I'll post a few of the more common discussion topics up here; your review may refer you to one or more of these.

Dash and hyphen use:
Hyphens are reserved for stuttering and hyphenated words. Please use a proper dash otherwise. They can be the em dash (Alt+0151) with no spaces around it or en dash (Alt+0150) surrounded by spaces. Some usage (primarily American) employs only the em dash, while other usage (primarily British) employs an em dash for cutoffs and an en dash for asides. It doesn't matter which system an author uses, as long as he is consistent.
254 posts omitted. (View thread)
>> No. 131040

I haven't completely gone through this yet, but I did want to go over why the first scene is important. In it, we establish the idea that Twilight's not fully in control of her magic, which will be on display when she yanks out the Cake's door. It also establishes the horseshoe game which how Twilight defeats the wyvern. Finally, the horseshoe that shows up later in Fluttershy's door is launched during the game between Twilight and Applejack.

Last edited at Mon, Sep 22nd, 2014 17:10

>> No. 131048
Note that this list is not comprehensive. I picked out a few examples of each kind of error or problem I found. Of course, not everything is a black-and-white issue; this is not a list of things you have to fix, but take each under advisement.

>“Y-you’re not afraid. You’re not afraid. You’re Rainbow Dash."//
Inconsistent quotation mark style.

>Ding dong.//
It's preferred to keep sound effects out of narration.

>hold up//

>Rainbow tried to meet Scootaloo’s Mother//
>> No. 131057
Note that this list is not comprehensive. I picked out a few examples of each kind of error or problem I found. Of course, not everything is a black-and-white issue; this is not a list of things you have to fix, but take each under advisement.

>that that//
Repeated word.

>sighed contently//
Usually "contentedly."

>she could simply lay down//
Lay/lie confusion.

>sun finally peaked over the distant hills//

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128937 No. 128937 [View] [Last 50 posts]
#Reviewer #The Training Grounds
Previous thread: >>128053

Welcome one and all to the Training Grounds, the review thread authors and reviewers, both newcomers and seasoned veterans alike! With the closing of the spreadsheet, we’re going back to square one: just stories, reviews, and this thread right here. Things will be kept track of by hoof, wing, and/or claw with a listing every so often.

How to get a review: Post a story with its title, description, tags, and a link to it where applicable. Please include all of these in your post and not just a Fimfiction link to a title page.

How to review: Write what you think about a story (or review) and post it in a reply. Put a * in front of the subject field if you’d like your review reviewed.

List of unclaimed stories: >>129398

Last edited at Thu, Feb 13th, 2014 11:07

336 posts omitted. (View thread)
>> No. 131054
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Well, it seems I can’t comment on anything, but based on our last encounter, I’m guessing that was your intent, so I’ll post things here.

>Perhaps I'm simply adapting to your style… but I felt less rushed through your plot.
Nah, the one you read was a wash. I was trying too hard and lost track of what the story was supposed to be. I went back to its roots, read some excellent jumpstarter material [www.fimfiction.net] for inspiration, and bing bam boom, it came back. What you reviewed ended up being scrapped, and the original pulled up and overhauled. The whole thing [www.fimfiction.net] is on Fimfiction if you want to read it.

Anywho, on to the make or break points for this story, so I can fix it and post an update for my readers.

>“but the issue… seemed quite trivial.”
Honestly, I blame a lack of creativity. I was trying to dictate Twilight’s thoughts and couldn’t find a way to conclude the sentence. Plus, this would actually run through Twilight’s head, and it seemed silly to leave it out. Also, you didn’t change anything for the red section you provided. It’s copied verbatim.
>> No. 131055
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>Also, you didn’t change anything for the red section you provided. It’s copied verbatim.

>see pic

I always forget something (another reason to encourage you pointing out my idiocy here instead of elsewhere). Let’s see if I can think of a better answer than just repeating the question..


How about:
>> No. 131056
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>Applebloom wasn’t an unreasonable mare
Actually, your solution works pretty well. I reworded it, but it’s the same thing really.

>I guess I’ll have to find a way for Twilight to get distracted by the Scootaloo’s wings research
Brilliant suggestion. Yes, I think that will work splendidly.

>I believe physical violence is not quite as terrifying as the potential for violence itself,
I like the idea, though I am cross referencing the scene so I can’t copy everything you wrote, but I do appreciate the effort. Yes, I see what you mean.
Here's what Ink Blot saw that I'm to recreate from Twilight's point of view:

Twilight skidded to a halt in front of Ink Blot’s new mural. A look of surprise, then shock and horror, filled her face.

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130894 No. 130894 [View]

I'm not sure if this is the right board for this, since it's not really a fic and it's probably not going to be one, but I would still like some feedback on an idea of mine from writers and readers. Naturally, this is all based on the season 4 episode Power Ponies.

I formed an evil anti-Power Ponies team of villains with powers that specifically counter the abilities and strengths of the PPs, as well as being similarly based on the personalities of the Mane 6. They might be evil clones, I don't really know, but they look mostly like the Mane 6 like the PPs do. I'm really proud of them, so any suggestions or feedback would be very much appreciated :)

Fillisecond's super speed is rather easy to defeat. Stickywicket is practically made of sticky bubblegum, allowing her to immobilize anyone who tries to brawl with her or gets caught in one of her sticky gum traps. She's very giggly and pranksterish, and can also do comical maneuvers like inflating her own head and floating away (Like Pinkie did that one time).

Radiance's attack constructs are dependent on her focus, which is why her evil counterpart Mesmeralda uses her dazzling charm and blinding lightshows to distract and beguile her opponents. She can be seductive when it helps her get past security, and is difficult to chase down when laser lights and smoke aid in her escape. I can totally imagine her and Radiance getting caught up in simple banter, calling each other ugly and insulting each other's style.

There's no force in the world that can stop Saddlerager, which is why Yellowbelly uses the opposite of force. Her extreme meekness and timidity is phenomenally disarming, and when she bursts into tears it's near impossible to stand up against her. The other members of the team tend to bully her, and even use her as a distraction to escape, but make no mistake, she's just as evil as the rest.

Mistress Mare-velous has practically no powers above what any ordinary unicorn can do, and has a "capturing" motif with her lasso. As such, MissFortu
>> No. 131047
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Whoo, someone made some art for Stickywicket!
And they're working on Mesmeralda next!

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131041 No. 131041 [View]
#Discussion #Normal

Voicing over this (http://www.fimfiction.net/story/215451/the-lost-human) because we can. Need voice actors for Luna, Chrysalis and Celestia, though - anyone interested?

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130986 No. 130986 [View]
#Discussion #Sci-fi

From "Friendship is Optimal" by Iceman. ITT if CelestAI took over the world and you emigrated to Equestria, what would your shard be like?

I would be a permanent graduate student (but with less stress) studying horticulture, doing research, doing gardening and greenhouse work and occasionally exploring the world (not limited to Equestria) and discovering new species of plants. I'd definitely request a better memory. My social life would be like a moe slice-of-life anime with my friends and I hanging around drinking tea, eating cake, talking about silly things, reading, and watching anime because anime, the internet and video games would definitely still exist. No coltfriends or romance. The university I studied at would be very diverse with not only unicorns, earth ponies, and pegasi, but donkeys, griffins, zebras, dragons, minotaurs, possibly even deers, okapis, qirins, and giraffes, etc going by hooves seemingly = talking by show standards.

Last edited at Wed, Aug 20th, 2014 14:26

>> No. 131034
I would be a pony of the stage; a singer, an actor, an entertainer! I'd live in a cozy house in the hills, like the Regent Square area of Pittsburgh, where the neighborhood is like a town of its own. In my spare time, I'd be learning something new whenever I could: a new language, dance, martial arts, cooking, anything! I'd always have something to do and someone to talk to of I needed them.

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130995 No. 130995 [View]
#Single fic #Normal #Sad #Comedy #Shipping

Hey i never came here before. Im a 4chan poster but they recently decided to block my ip range so i cant post there wich doesnt matter anyways because /mlp is nothing but a collection of generals and write this weeks fetish threads.
Im in the mood to read a couple of short storys but i dont really feel like learning about new characters, also i would preffer to read one situation storys like we came, we did something. end of the story or storys with not much development.
I read one once were vinyl was depressed, she went to see octavia and she cheered her up, anotherone were anon has a date with pinkie pie. Just a date without previous drama or afterdate drama. This is what im looking for
4 posts omitted. (Expand)
>> No. 131000
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I just keep an eye on all the boards because I have no life, but...let me think.

Maybe try Naked Singularity? I used to read a whole lot of fics, but I'm always bad at remembering names.
>> No. 131001
i have that problem with s lot of things mostly games, music and comics. I try to keep an archive of everything but i suck at it. Maybe a log of everything i do during the day would work better.
I found a reading, it doesnt look short but i will listen to the first ten minutes and if im hooked i will listen to the rest o it
>> No. 131032
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But I digress. Chris' 5-star pony fic blog would be a good starting point. Accomplished reviewer who's gone over much of the fandom's major works. Just use the filters for 5/4 star reviews and pick your poison.

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119870 No. 119870 [View] [Last 50 posts]
#Discussion #General #StoryForge
Hello, and welcome to the eighth iteration of the Story Forge, /fic/'s story idea and brainstorming general thread!

If you have a story idea that you do not wish to write, or are looking for a seed of an idea upon which to build your world, consider this place a literary take-a-penny jar. We can also help flesh out your story ideas, but do suggest that once you get the ball rolling, to move the conversation to one of our many fine Review Threads. If you see someone asking for fic ideas, or posting a few, please direct them here.

Form if you want feedback on your idea: http://goo.gl/3rdNQ
The list of ideas: http://goo.gl/o4sCW

Previous thread: >>106451
310 posts omitted. (View thread)
>> No. 130263
Here's the idea for a story that I'll not write. Use it well.

Tentative Title: "Have Gummy — Will Travel"

High Concept: Pinkie Pie leaves Ponyville and becomes a travelling party pony.


After the events of "Pinkie Pride", Pinkie begins to question if she's good enough as a party pony.

After losing the dispute for the position of Master of Ceremonies in the Ponyville Days Festival ("Simple Ways"), she wonders if her parties are becoming boring and repetitive.
>> No. 130891
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So I am a huge fan of the Overlord series of games, recently playing through both Overlord 1 and 2 again in the past month. I don't write often, mostly because I trouble deciding on character personalities, but I love to think of scenarios where characters that are established might behave in certain situations.

Now the part I made the post about: What are some thoughts of the Overlord and his Minions invading Equestria and attempt to bring darkness to the land? The characters would be written as closely to their canon counterparts as humanly possible, no radical changes from what is established in canon personality wise.

I have a short FAQ that should answer common questions about the consistency of the story:

Q: Who will win in the end?

A: This seems like the most important, but I want to say that you'd have to read to see. Please remember that if I am writing the characters as closely to canon as possible, I'm not going to scar the land and world permanently in either side's favor. (Equestria beaming such good magic that evil beings are weakened just being there is an example of scaring the land in one side's favor)
>> No. 131023

Links to the other crossovers would be appreciated so that I don't have you repeating something you know has already been done.

I've played Overlord, the expansion pack, Overlord 2, and Overlord: Dark Legends as well as The Elder Scrolls Oblivion and Skyrim, so hopefully I can be of help. To clarify the nomenclature, the original overlord is called the "Olderlord," the PC from Overlord is of course "Overlord," the PC from Overlord 2 is the "Underlord" because his "tower" is underground, and the PC from Overlord: Dark Legends is the "Overlad."

The first question is whether this is going to be a Trollestia universe. There have been fics reimagining Princess Celestia as a tyrant, or at least abusing her powers, which will in turn have an effect on the new overlord. I'm going to assume the answer is no, but I'd like you to at least consider Luna/Nightmare Moon, Discord, and especially King Sombra's role in your fic.

Second question is "purple minions," the hypothetical new variety of minions created when the lifeforce of one of the pony races is used instead of sheep. I would like you to at least consider a race of flying minions created from a former pegasi as among the reason for the invasion. I would also like consideration to be given to "black minions" created from Changelings.

Now a moment of headcanon: The stereotypical evil overlord was defeated by a party of eight fairly standard heroes: a halfling bard, an elf ranger, a dwarf warrior, a human paladin, a human thief, a half-giant fighter, a wizard, and a martyr. The name, race, and character class of the martyr who died in the act of defeating the evil overlord were never revealed, but we assume it to be a cleric of the Mumbler's religion. The original overlord, the Olderlord, cheated death by invading the mind of the old wizard. The martyr was resurrected by the few remaining evil minions in the broken tower to act as their temporary leade

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131003 No. 131003 [View]
#Single fic #Crossover

This Fan-fiction is not mine,but i posted because is a good fanfiction...

When Trixie accidentally opens a portal to Downtown City, insanity insues as Blythe and the seven pets enter the world of Equestria. With help from the Mane Six, can they ever get back home? And what do two mysterious figures want with the pets?

Read a chapter and replay

Last edited at Sun, Aug 24th, 2014 10:23

No. 130970 [View]

Ok so I'm looking for some really abstract and surreal stories. Something just completely mind bendingly weird. The only one I've found so far is "Ἐλπίς" by Bad Horse


Anyone have anything at all like this? I would really appreciate any help here.


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130952 No. 130952 [View]

sooo, I vinyl is my waifu. i've been a 4chan user for a while, and I really, really don't like how they always portray her as a junkie, the alcohol I can tolerate, but when the dope comes out I'm done. Can someone recommend some fics that portray her as not a junkie or slut, (if shipping straight only preferred vinylxanon) any help is greatly appreciated and if anyone has a similar problem or just wants something to read this would be the place to ask.
>> No. 130956
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I recommend Feedback by Kegisak and the Vinyl Scratch Tapes by Corey W Williams. The first one is Vinyl x Male OC, but that shouldn't stop you from enjoying it.

>> No. 130961
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thanks a bunch dude!
>> No. 130968
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lol idk but heres a rly swaggy pic

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130960 No. 130960 [View]
#Single fic #Normal #Sad

Several years had passed since Joel's brother had committed suicide by gunning himself down. Joel on dreary morning stood staring down at the street reminiscing of the joyful times he he had shared with his beloved brother. Sadly his brother was no longer around to put the joy he once felt back into his life and being constantly reminded of his brothers absence on a daily basis dosnt bother him as much doesn't hit him as hard as it does when the anniversary of his brothers death comes around and the anniversary just happened to be on this day and this day is the sat he visits his brothers grave buried in Calvary cemetery Joel sighed then went back inside he put on his white shirt grabbed his black leather jacket of the coat rack slipped it on over the white shirt leaving the jacket unzipped then headed out and entered the elevator to get to the ground floor. As he stood in the moving elevator he began to flash back to the moment of his brothers death. As the memory entered his train of thought it began to manifest itself in his mind. As the flashback had ended and the memory had fled his Psyche. Joel fell to his knees and tears had begun to fill his eyes to the point that he couldn't see he sat and sobbed putting his hooves over his eyes after several minutes of weeping the elevator had reached the ground floor. Joel dried up his tears then trotted out the main door and started trotting down the sidewalk and began his venture to the cemetery on his way there a few miles up the sidewalk he had stopped by Cassia's flower shop he stopped by this shop pretty often for buying gifts for the partners he cycles through and he was considered to be a regular here and like always cassia the blue unicorn with a black mane and white heart marking upon her forehead was behind the register and brought up a conversation with Joel "Back again are we the reason i suppose?" cassia asked Joel responded with brutal honesty "no i'm here on family business" he stood in front of the register "Id like a bouquet of irises please

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130945 No. 130945 [View]
#Discussion #Alternate Universe

Author RealityCheck (Known for his works Parting Wards and his expansion on the Nyx-verse) put a blog post recently discussing his take on the "Switched Destinies" Alternate Universe theme. This was his take:

Original post: http://www.fimfiction.net/blog/361301/switcheroo

Contemplate: alternate reality where the mane six have swapped talents. Not just swapped CUTIE MARKS, but actual swapped TALENTS. And it actually works out for them --- but their personalities stay the same. And still centered around a Rainboom.

How so?

Rarity as a filly is entranced with the beauty to be found in weather.... at an early age she starts dabbling in weather magic. On a field trip to the weather factory, she can't resist fiddling with the rainbow mixer, crosses pipes with the thundercloud--- and causes a massive explosion, which creates the Rainboom, and leaves behind the world's very first Double Rainbow.

Since then she's become a weather specialist, inventing exotic and beautiful weather phenomena like sun dogs, haloes, moonbows, green flashes, ball lightning...

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130704 No. 130704 [View]

You find yourself in an elevator. You don’t know how you got there but you are faced with these buttons and descriptions. You have no way out, without going through, The Twilight Pone...
G1: Rescue at Midnight Castle, Escape from Catrina, MLP The Movie, 2 TV Seasons
G2: My Little Pony Tales, Friendship Gardens, TV specials
G3: A Charming Birthday, Dancing in the Clouds, Friends Are Never Far Away, A Very Minty Christmas, The Princess Promenade, Run Away Rainbow, A Very Pony Place, Pinkie Pie’s Special Day, Meet the Ponies, Starsong and the Magic Dance Shoes, Rainbow Dash’s Special Day, Twinkle Wish Adventure, Once Upon a My Little Pony Time, The Worlds Biggest Tea Party
G4: G4 Season are broken up individually. Season 3 includes EQG, and S4 includes Rainbow Rocks

•You can only push one button. If you push G1, you will live through all of it, however anything from G4 you only live thru one season.
•Once you exit the ponyvater, you become a pony the same age as yourself.
•You have no choice in pony race, but you retain your human knowledge.
•Your actions can alter the course of events over your season or generation....
3 posts omitted. (Expand)
>> No. 130805
For the love of fuck. Tales is not G2. It's still G1.


Last edited at Wed, Jun 25th, 2014 09:54

>> No. 130813
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That's funny, it's almost like I didn't say in that post:
> Tales is part of the last few waves of G1, and is the most peaceful period of the series.

I even went on to complain about G2:
> It gets a little wobbly heading into Friendship Gardens when all the Fillies start to look like Colts.


Welcome to /fic/

Last edited at Thu, Jun 26th, 2014 09:50

>> No. 130895
G4, S3. Participate in the world normally until the season finale. Then, snag Starswirl's book when it shows up, read the spell, help cure the cutie-mark switches (which would probably include Twilight if she's not the one reading the spell), finish the spell, and become an alicorn.

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