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128564 No. 128564 Locked Stickied [View]

Welcome to /fic/, the board for pony fanfiction and all things related to it! If you have any questions or just want to chat, feel free to drop by the #fic IRC.


  1. Threads and posts should pertain to written fiction.
  2. Threads should not be redundant.
  3. If you request a review of the same story from multiple people, let each of them know you have done so.

Note: All site-wide rules still apply.

>> No. 128565
  • >>128414 General – Ask an Equestria Daily Pre-reader Anything
  • >>128937 Open reviews – The Training Grounds
  • >>128162 Reviewer – NickNack
  • >>128349 Reviewer – PinkieAnon

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106959 No. 106959 [View]
Okay so I’m in the middle of writing for the write-off, and I seem to be creating an abundance of various threads on this board but-NO! Okay? NO, we’re doing this!


Basically, when you submit a story for review, you get all excited/impatient waiting for what you hope to be flattery and compliments, but you know is really going to be nothing but harsh criticism. Or is that just me? So how do you react when you read it?

Personally, I have a tendency to laugh or giggle when somepony really drops the hammer on my story, although often times I can’t tell if that was the reviewer’s intent or if they were really just that upset with what I wrote. I don’t know why, but for some reason, when I see a comment that clearly demonstrates extreme dislike for an element in my story, I can’t help but break into a fit of laughter.
Maybe I’m just a heartless wretch, but I digress. What’s your response? Is it hate? Admiration? Embarrassment? Crying perhaps? You don’t have to say that last one.

Leave a comment letting us know how you handle criticism, and maybe even what devices you use to deal with it. This should be interesting.
31 posts omitted. (View thread)
>> No. 130987
,A once off submission will last, if you're lucky, around one week. xboter 2014
>> No. 130988
,"If you go and have surgery and you want the best surgeon and it's a woman, do you hesitate? xboter 2014
>> No. 130989
,(Other DNA evidence helped convict Rudy Guede, now 26, of the murder; the Ivory Coast drifter and petty criminal is now serving a 16-year sentence. xboter 2014

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130986 No. 130986 [View]
#Discussion #Sci-fi

From "Friendship is Optimal" by Iceman. ITT if CelestAI took over the world and you emigrated to Equestria, what would your shard be like?

I would be a permanent graduate student (but with less stress) studying horticulture, doing research, doing gardening and greenhouse work and occasionally exploring the world (not limited to Equestria) and discovering new species of plants. I'd definitely request a better memory. My social life would be like a moe slice-of-life anime with my friends and I hanging around drinking tea, eating cake, talking about silly things, reading, and watching anime because anime, the internet and video games would definitely still exist. No coltfriends or romance. The university I studied at would be very diverse with not only unicorns, earth ponies, and pegasi, but donkeys, griffins, zebras, dragons, minotaurs, possibly even deers, okapis, qirins, and giraffes, etc going by hooves seemingly = talking by show standards.

Last edited at Wed, Aug 20th, 2014 14:26

No. 128883 [View] [Last 50 posts]

As everyone should know by now, Equestria Daily has gone almost exclusively to short bullet-point reviews, except in cases where only a small number of items need to be corrected for posting. I enjoy giving longer reviews, but can no longer do so through Equestria Daily, so I will post them here. I will only do so for stories that in my estimation would have passed the old automoon system; others will get only the bullet-point treatment in the email.

This thread is only for the authors in question and me. They are free to ask questions or ask me to remove their reviews from the thread for any reason. For any other traffic, I will ask a mod to delete it. General questions about Equestria Daily or the pre-reading process should be posted here:

Note that I won't give an exhaustive list of errors; I'll provide a representative list of the types of problems I find and leave it to the author to scour his story for the rest.

To avoid repeating myself, I'll post a few of the more common discussion topics up here; your review may refer you to one or more of these.

Dash and hyphen use:
Hyphens are reserved for stuttering and hyphenated words. Please use a proper dash otherwise. They can be the em dash (Alt+0151) with no spaces around it or en dash (Alt+0150) surrounded by spaces. Some usage (primarily American) employs only the em dash, while other usage (primarily British) employs an em dash for cutoffs and an en dash for asides. It doesn't matter which system an author uses, as long as he is consistent.
236 posts omitted. (View thread)
>> No. 130955
Starting with the subject has little to do with passive voice. In fact, many passively voiced sentences start with the subject. Just strive to minimize times when the subject isn't the thing performing the action, as in "The book was placed on the table." As to other ways to begin sentences, there are many. A prepositional phrase, an absolute phrase. (Be careful with these:) A participial phrase, an adverb. In rare instances, a direct or indirect object, a predicate noun/pronoun, or a predicate adjective.
>> No. 130963
Note that this list is not comprehensive. I picked out a few examples of each kind of error or problem I found. Of course, not everything is a black-and-white issue; this is not a list of things you have to fix, but take each under advisement.

>life - with //
Please use proper dashes. This is a recurring issue.

>weeks worth//
Missing apostrophe.

> loosing track of time//

>and seeing the car is empty//
>> No. 130980
I appreciate the time you spent combing through my work. It's great to see such detailed feedback. Thank you.

I'll post an in-depth reply once I've had time to edit and give your advice proper consideration.

Thanks again for the time and effort.

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128937 No. 128937 [View] [Last 50 posts]
#Reviewer #The Training Grounds
Previous thread: >>128053

Welcome one and all to the Training Grounds, the review thread authors and reviewers, both newcomers and seasoned veterans alike! With the closing of the spreadsheet, we’re going back to square one: just stories, reviews, and this thread right here. Things will be kept track of by hoof, wing, and/or claw with a listing every so often.

How to get a review: Post a story with its title, description, tags, and a link to it where applicable. Please include all of these in your post and not just a Fimfiction link to a title page.

How to review: Write what you think about a story (or review) and post it in a reply. Put a * in front of the subject field if you’d like your review reviewed.

List of unclaimed stories: >>129398

Last edited at Thu, Feb 13th, 2014 11:07

311 posts omitted. (View thread)
>> No. 130969
>> No. 130971
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Looking for serious constructive criticism. This is the first time I've wrote anything so I'm hoping someone will tear it apart. No joke, i need to know.

Fallout Equestria: Soldier Of Fortune

Synopsis: Chapter 1: Pride (Unfinished)
Compared to most in the wasteland, I had it pretty easy. Being the daughter of one the most successful and beloved caravan traders in Equestria, I was always fed and kept safe. Of course this kind of treatment did nothing for my ego and as soon as i was old enough to do so i screwed it up. My curiosity for adventure drove me to turn down every opportunity for an easy life and led me to some of the grittiest parts of the wasteland. Among thieves and criminals, I shed blood, sweat and the occasional tear to make a name for my self. And after all that I still wasn't satisfied. Now I'm neck deep in lead and blood, fighting an up hill battle, against a unstoppable enemy, in a war I wan't nothing to do with. In short, I'm screwed. But, If i can make the right deal with the right pony, I might just come out of this with my head.

Tags: Crossover, Adventure, Dark, Tragidy

Google Doc: https://docs.google.com/document/d/117vlHzFW3qPwB93lPgvhULiVuWwEuL7hF0Xqll3l61Y/edit?usp=sharing
>> No. 130975
Hi, I'm back again.

Title: Rainbows and Lightning (Might be renamed)
Author: Monfang
Tags: Slice of Life, comedy (?), Action, Drama
Word count: 3141
Synopsis: Rainbow Dash has taken the next step and joined the Wonderbolts Reserves, a new branch designed to allow faster responses to events in Equestria and to help fill the ranks of the Wonderbolts. But ever advancement brings more challenges and chances for her to grow. That is if a generation old grudge doesn't bring an end to it all.
Link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/10CLRiMMSpQjtV_43z5a_sKWIx1CdeUatyCbOh4QxzWc/edit?usp=sharing

As you can see, I have nearly doubled the original word count. I also implemented all of the suggestions that JKinsley offered in various ways. However, because he/she said that it would be best for a fresh pair of eyes to see it again, I am offering it up for a second reviewer to go over it.

No. 130970 [View]

Ok so I'm looking for some really abstract and surreal stories. Something just completely mind bendingly weird. The only one I've found so far is "Ἐλπίς" by Bad Horse


Anyone have anything at all like this? I would really appreciate any help here.


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130952 No. 130952 [View]

sooo, I vinyl is my waifu. i've been a 4chan user for a while, and I really, really don't like how they always portray her as a junkie, the alcohol I can tolerate, but when the dope comes out I'm done. Can someone recommend some fics that portray her as not a junkie or slut, (if shipping straight only preferred vinylxanon) any help is greatly appreciated and if anyone has a similar problem or just wants something to read this would be the place to ask.
>> No. 130956
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I recommend Feedback by Kegisak and the Vinyl Scratch Tapes by Corey W Williams. The first one is Vinyl x Male OC, but that shouldn't stop you from enjoying it.

>> No. 130961
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thanks a bunch dude!
>> No. 130968
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lol idk but heres a rly swaggy pic

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130960 No. 130960 [View]
#Single fic #Normal #Sad

Several years had passed since Joel's brother had committed suicide by gunning himself down. Joel on dreary morning stood staring down at the street reminiscing of the joyful times he he had shared with his beloved brother. Sadly his brother was no longer around to put the joy he once felt back into his life and being constantly reminded of his brothers absence on a daily basis dosnt bother him as much doesn't hit him as hard as it does when the anniversary of his brothers death comes around and the anniversary just happened to be on this day and this day is the sat he visits his brothers grave buried in Calvary cemetery Joel sighed then went back inside he put on his white shirt grabbed his black leather jacket of the coat rack slipped it on over the white shirt leaving the jacket unzipped then headed out and entered the elevator to get to the ground floor. As he stood in the moving elevator he began to flash back to the moment of his brothers death. As the memory entered his train of thought it began to manifest itself in his mind. As the flashback had ended and the memory had fled his Psyche. Joel fell to his knees and tears had begun to fill his eyes to the point that he couldn't see he sat and sobbed putting his hooves over his eyes after several minutes of weeping the elevator had reached the ground floor. Joel dried up his tears then trotted out the main door and started trotting down the sidewalk and began his venture to the cemetery on his way there a few miles up the sidewalk he had stopped by Cassia's flower shop he stopped by this shop pretty often for buying gifts for the partners he cycles through and he was considered to be a regular here and like always cassia the blue unicorn with a black mane and white heart marking upon her forehead was behind the register and brought up a conversation with Joel "Back again are we the reason i suppose?" cassia asked Joel responded with brutal honesty "no i'm here on family business" he stood in front of the register "Id like a bouquet of irises please

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130945 No. 130945 [View]
#Discussion #Alternate Universe

Author RealityCheck (Known for his works Parting Wards and his expansion on the Nyx-verse) put a blog post recently discussing his take on the "Switched Destinies" Alternate Universe theme. This was his take:

Original post: http://www.fimfiction.net/blog/361301/switcheroo

Contemplate: alternate reality where the mane six have swapped talents. Not just swapped CUTIE MARKS, but actual swapped TALENTS. And it actually works out for them --- but their personalities stay the same. And still centered around a Rainboom.

How so?

Rarity as a filly is entranced with the beauty to be found in weather.... at an early age she starts dabbling in weather magic. On a field trip to the weather factory, she can't resist fiddling with the rainbow mixer, crosses pipes with the thundercloud--- and causes a massive explosion, which creates the Rainboom, and leaves behind the world's very first Double Rainbow.

Since then she's become a weather specialist, inventing exotic and beautiful weather phenomena like sun dogs, haloes, moonbows, green flashes, ball lightning...

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130704 No. 130704 [View]

You find yourself in an elevator. You don’t know how you got there but you are faced with these buttons and descriptions. You have no way out, without going through, The Twilight Pone...
G1: Rescue at Midnight Castle, Escape from Catrina, MLP The Movie, 2 TV Seasons
G2: My Little Pony Tales, Friendship Gardens, TV specials
G3: A Charming Birthday, Dancing in the Clouds, Friends Are Never Far Away, A Very Minty Christmas, The Princess Promenade, Run Away Rainbow, A Very Pony Place, Pinkie Pie’s Special Day, Meet the Ponies, Starsong and the Magic Dance Shoes, Rainbow Dash’s Special Day, Twinkle Wish Adventure, Once Upon a My Little Pony Time, The Worlds Biggest Tea Party
G4: G4 Season are broken up individually. Season 3 includes EQG, and S4 includes Rainbow Rocks

•You can only push one button. If you push G1, you will live through all of it, however anything from G4 you only live thru one season.
•Once you exit the ponyvater, you become a pony the same age as yourself.
•You have no choice in pony race, but you retain your human knowledge.
•Your actions can alter the course of events over your season or generation....
3 posts omitted. (Expand)
>> No. 130805
For the love of fuck. Tales is not G2. It's still G1.


Last edited at Wed, Jun 25th, 2014 09:54

>> No. 130813
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That's funny, it's almost like I didn't say in that post:
> Tales is part of the last few waves of G1, and is the most peaceful period of the series.

I even went on to complain about G2:
> It gets a little wobbly heading into Friendship Gardens when all the Fillies start to look like Colts.


Welcome to /fic/

Last edited at Thu, Jun 26th, 2014 09:50

>> No. 130895
G4, S3. Participate in the world normally until the season finale. Then, snag Starswirl's book when it shows up, read the spell, help cure the cutie-mark switches (which would probably include Twilight if she's not the one reading the spell), finish the spell, and become an alicorn.

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130894 No. 130894 [View]

I'm not sure if this is the right board for this, since it's not really a fic and it's probably not going to be one, but I would still like some feedback on an idea of mine from writers and readers. Naturally, this is all based on the season 4 episode Power Ponies.

I formed an evil anti-Power Ponies team of villains with powers that specifically counter the abilities and strengths of the PPs, as well as being similarly based on the personalities of the Mane 6. They might be evil clones, I don't really know, but they look mostly like the Mane 6 like the PPs do. I'm really proud of them, so any suggestions or feedback would be very much appreciated :)

Fillisecond's super speed is rather easy to defeat. Stickywicket is practically made of sticky bubblegum, allowing her to immobilize anyone who tries to brawl with her or gets caught in one of her sticky gum traps. She's very giggly and pranksterish, and can also do comical maneuvers like inflating her own head and floating away (Like Pinkie did that one time).

Radiance's attack constructs are dependent on her focus, which is why her evil counterpart Mesmeralda uses her dazzling charm and blinding lightshows to distract and beguile her opponents. She can be seductive when it helps her get past security, and is difficult to chase down when laser lights and smoke aid in her escape. I can totally imagine her and Radiance getting caught up in simple banter, calling each other ugly and insulting each other's style.

There's no force in the world that can stop Saddlerager, which is why Yellowbelly uses the opposite of force. Her extreme meekness and timidity is phenomenally disarming, and when she bursts into tears it's near impossible to stand up against her. The other members of the team tend to bully her, and even use her as a distraction to escape, but make no mistake, she's just as evil as the rest.

Mistress Mare-velous has practically no powers above what any ordinary unicorn can do, and has a "capturing" motif with her lasso. As such, MissFortu

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119870 No. 119870 [View] [Last 50 posts]
#Discussion #General #StoryForge
Hello, and welcome to the eighth iteration of the Story Forge, /fic/'s story idea and brainstorming general thread!

If you have a story idea that you do not wish to write, or are looking for a seed of an idea upon which to build your world, consider this place a literary take-a-penny jar. We can also help flesh out your story ideas, but do suggest that once you get the ball rolling, to move the conversation to one of our many fine Review Threads. If you see someone asking for fic ideas, or posting a few, please direct them here.

Form if you want feedback on your idea: http://goo.gl/3rdNQ
The list of ideas: http://goo.gl/o4sCW

Previous thread: >>106451
309 posts omitted. (View thread)
>> No. 129307
So: New here, but this is an idea I've toyed around with, and I'd like to hear all of your suggestions.

I think it might be interesting to examine the lives of the Mane 6 between Dash's Sonic Rainboom and Twilight's arrival in Ponyville. As in: How did Applejack meet Fluttershy? Did she know Rarity beforehand? When did Dash arrive in Ponyville? When did Pinkie arrive? What were everypony's reactions?

I see this as starting out with cool animosity or just apathy early in the fic, with things like Dash looking for Fluttershy slowly drawing them together, and Pinkie's zany love of parties forcing them to meet and interact with each other, to the point where they're casual friends, but still... missing something. Somepony to lead them, somepony who always knows what's going on and can lead them on exciting adventures.

And then Twilight arrives, at the end of the story.
>> No. 130263
Here's the idea for a story that I'll not write. Use it well.

Tentative Title: "Have Gummy — Will Travel"

High Concept: Pinkie Pie leaves Ponyville and becomes a travelling party pony.


After the events of "Pinkie Pride", Pinkie begins to question if she's good enough as a party pony.

After losing the dispute for the position of Master of Ceremonies in the Ponyville Days Festival ("Simple Ways"), she wonders if her parties are becoming boring and repetitive.
>> No. 130891
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So I am a huge fan of the Overlord series of games, recently playing through both Overlord 1 and 2 again in the past month. I don't write often, mostly because I trouble deciding on character personalities, but I love to think of scenarios where characters that are established might behave in certain situations.

Now the part I made the post about: What are some thoughts of the Overlord and his Minions invading Equestria and attempt to bring darkness to the land? The characters would be written as closely to their canon counterparts as humanly possible, no radical changes from what is established in canon personality wise.

I have a short FAQ that should answer common questions about the consistency of the story:

Q: Who will win in the end?

A: This seems like the most important, but I want to say that you'd have to read to see. Please remember that if I am writing the characters as closely to canon as possible, I'm not going to scar the land and world permanently in either side's favor. (Equestria beaming such good magic that evil beings are weakened just being there is an example of scaring the land in one side's favor)

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128414 No. 128414 [View] [Last 50 posts]
#Discussion #Equestria Daily

Previous thread: >>122969

(What? Who let this die? You're all fired!)

Hello again, fillies and gentlecolts, and welcome to the seventeenth installment of the “Ask An Equestria Daily Pre-Reader Anything Thread”! Feel free to ask us anything* and we’ll do our best to answer.

*Anything that has to do with Equestria Daily, the pre-reading process, fanfiction, alcohol, regrets, or Nicolas Cage. Keep questions on other subjects to a minimum.

We’d also like to include a brief FAQ in this initial post, since we seem to hear a lot of the same questions:

Q: How long does the pre-reading process take?
75 posts omitted. (View thread)
>> No. 130791
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how do I can haz ride the mothership?

Last edited at Sun, Jun 22nd, 2014 16:30

>> No. 130831
You do not ride the mothership. The mothership rides you.
>> No. 130882
Hello, Pre-reader 63.546. Sorry to respond to an old post, but any chance that you could get in touch with me via Fimfic or email? I've got a couple of writing questions for you.


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129283 No. 129283 [View]

Well hello there and welcome to /fic/. Why am I welcoming you? I have no idea, considering I've not been active in the MLP fanfiction community for… well, forever, in fandom years.

My name is Umbra, and once upon a time, I raped the souls of authors treading on this blessed ground.

Just kidding, I'm only half that conceited. What I'm really trying to say is that I rather enjoy reading and reviewing, and I've been known to provide decent advice from time to time.

Those of you more familiar with me will also know that I am inconsistent as balls. I will not try to make a secret of the fact that I've been known to start a thread, disappear for months at a time, and generally drop off the map at random for entirely unknown reasons. I won't bore you with those reasons, because they're really no excuse. But I tell you this as a warning: I start review threads during certain periods in my life when I believe I'll have the time, and I do my absolute best to churn out reviews.

VERY CLEAR, however, I WANT TO BE (also Yoda), if you ask me to review something, please post knowing full well that I may never get to your story. I want to help this community because I truly love MLP fanfiction, but I have many other responsibilities in my life. This time I have a few failsafes that I hope will prevent us from reaching a point of implosion, so I'm confident we'll at least be able to keep the thread running for a while, but I can in no way guarantee continuity. That being the case, if you are posting a story in my thread, I have no problem with you posting in other review threads. In fact, so long as the other reviewer is okay with it, I would encourage that. Just make sure we each have a clean document to work on.
39 posts omitted. (View thread)
>> No. 130409
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>If you’re interested, I have a couple who might be willing to proofread this.
The story revision is complete; is that promise still good?
>> No. 130874
I enjoy writing lore. Have a gander, if you want.

Descendents from apex predators, are they? They will run when pressed."
-Colonel Commander Rudolf von Vallorheim leading the IV Grav-Dragoon Corps at the Battle of Vekke

Honour, Strength, Courage, Bravery and Duty. But a few of the traits which encompass the many virtues of the Rotenvolcke people; a society warriors, explorers, and hunters. It has been often said in partial jest by others that the Rotenvolken State was created to suit the needs of the army, rather than the army for the needs of the State. This certainly carries far more truth than whatever humorous foreign prince or Minister would care to admit.

The Kingdom of Rotenvolcke stretches across the length of the Federal Empire's borders, its territory spanning across the Galactic West along the Teutolan Veil which separates much of the Human territories from the rest of the galaxy. It was here, along this frontier, that the fighting men of the Rotenvolcke earned their reputation as dauntless and ferocious fighters. It was they who bore the brunt of the Tal'Athiim Hegemony's forces, during the Pre-Imperial age. Though ruinous and brought mankind to near annihilation, this invasion did much to set the course for the history of Man and whatever path they choose to carve for themselves in this galaxy. Being man's first real encounter with a sizable alien civilization, it did little to enamor the human kingdoms to what else could lie in this dark, and seemingly unforgiving universe. It would take a great deal of time and further conflict before humanity would find someone other than their own they could trust. Still even in this era, they look to much of the non human species with much distrust and animosity. The Rotenvolcke especially harbour much deep resentment not only for the canid-like Tal'Athiim but for anything alien.
>> No. 130875
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[Title] Fluttershy's Medical Journey (Still a WIP)
[Author] Monfang
[Tags] Slice-of-life (I think.) Sad Humorous (In later chapters I hope) Cute


As great as the natural ability to understand animals is, it is not very useful when trying to treat them for their various injuries. So this left a young Fluttershy with only one option.

Medical College.

With teachers and doctors ranging from the cold to the outrageous, Fluttershy has quite a ride ahead of her to fulfill her dream of being a caretaker of her animal friends.

No. 130862 [View]
#Author #Crossover

Hello there,

I have a completed fic on fimfiction, and would like to fine tune it and create an official, finalized pdf file of the entire fic for my fans that have read it. If anyone has time to read a little or all of my fic and give me a review, I'd love to hear some feedback! This is a Doctor Whooves fanfic, which I know has been done a lot, but I wanted to put my own personal story that played out in my head down on paper.

>> No. 130863

Last edited at Sat, Jul 12th, 2014 14:18

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