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128564 No. 128564 Locked Stickied [View]

Welcome to /fic/, the board for pony fanfiction and all things related to it! If you have any questions or just want to chat, feel free to drop by the #fic IRC.


  1. Threads and posts should pertain to written fiction.
  2. Threads should not be redundant.
  3. If you request a review of the same story from multiple people, let each of them know you have done so.

Note: All site-wide rules still apply.

No. 128883 [View] [Last 50 posts]

As everyone should know by now, Equestria Daily has gone almost exclusively to short bullet-point reviews, except in cases where only a small number of items need to be corrected for posting. I enjoy giving longer reviews, but can no longer do so through Equestria Daily, so I will post them here. I will only do so for stories that in my estimation would have passed the old automoon system; others will get only the bullet-point treatment in the email.

This thread is only for the authors in question and me. They are free to ask questions or ask me to remove their reviews from the thread for any reason. For any other traffic, I will ask a mod to delete it. General questions about Equestria Daily or the pre-reading process should be posted here:

Note that I won't give an exhaustive list of errors; I'll provide a representative list of the types of problems I find and leave it to the author to scour his story for the rest.

To avoid repeating myself, I'll post a few of the more common discussion topics up here; your review may refer you to one or more of these.

Dash and hyphen use:
Hyphens are reserved for stuttering and hyphenated words. Please use a proper dash otherwise. They can be the em dash (Alt+0151) with no spaces around it or en dash (Alt+0150) surrounded by spaces. Some usage (primarily American) employs only the em dash, while other usage (primarily British) employs an em dash for cutoffs and an en dash for asides. It doesn't matter which system an author uses, as long as he is consistent.
287 posts omitted. (View thread)
>> No. 131293
Note that this list is not comprehensive. I picked out a few examples of each kind of error or problem I found. Of course, not everything is a black-and-white issue; this is not a list of things you have to fix, but take each under advisement.

>Cherry Pie has gotten into the hard cider and she’s dancing on top of Deputy Bench Warrant’s wagon again.//
Needs a comma between the clauses.

>he’d handle this a few times before//
Verb tense.

>With a nod I flipped my hat off, and caught it on a rear hoof.//
That's all one clause. It doesn't need the comma.

>my In basket//
>> No. 131295
Thanks for the review. I've applied all your changes and also got a friend from the U.S. to look over it. In hindsight, it was only natural for this story to fail without any editing by people who know their language.

The only question I have: What option should I set for resubmitting? "Yes - This story has been submitted before." or "Yes - This story is back from Mars. Good to go?"
>> No. 131296
Choose the "Yes, this story has been submitted before" option. We'll tell you to use the Mars one if that's appropriate. Looking forward to seeing what you've done with the story!

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128937 No. 128937 [View] [Last 50 posts]
#Reviewer #The Training Grounds
Previous thread: >>128053

Welcome one and all to the Training Grounds, the review thread authors and reviewers, both newcomers and seasoned veterans alike! With the closing of the spreadsheet, we’re going back to square one: just stories, reviews, and this thread right here. Things will be kept track of by hoof, wing, and/or claw with a listing every so often.

How to get a review: Post a story with its title, description, tags, and a link to it where applicable. Please include all of these in your post and not just a Fimfiction link to a title page.

How to review: Write what you think about a story (or review) and post it in a reply. Put a * in front of the subject field if you’d like your review reviewed.

List of unclaimed stories: >>129398

Last edited at Thu, Feb 13th, 2014 11:07

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>> No. 131283
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>I'd like to reply to points in your review, but I can't leave comments. So I'll respond here.

Intentional. I like things being aired out in the open. Same as I do with all my reviews, because I can sometimes be a moron first and a wise man fifth or fourth.

>The scenes with Twilight and Rosen, if anything I consider them the filler,

Well, color me surprised. If that’s the case, then perhaps the reason I found them so much more entertaining was the fact that their relationship felt far more interesting to me than Sunset running around aimlessly (until about mid-to-late in the story, anyways).

After Sunset gets Twilight’s life, the next few chapters are just her moseying around and doing nothing of any real importance besides “try and keep ponies thinking she’s Twilight.” and “finding out a little more about how Twilight lives” to assist in the "keep ponies thinking she's Twilight" thing. Which is fine, but she seems to have very few instances where that’s really put to the test or she discovers something that hasn’t already been explained to death. Especially considering that there is now at least a good half year of history (on top of the prior year or so of history before the events of the movie) in which she is completely unaware of what Twilight and her friends have been up to.
>> No. 131291
>>131283 I have the story on GDocs for my pre-readers. But to be honest, reading your criticisms is very discouraging and I'm not keen on in-depth analysis after this response. Honestly, it does come off as you telling me "tear this thing apart and start all over", because apparently my attempts to build story and explore character are backwards and ineffective. It's really making me second-guess everything I've set out to achieve in this story, and not in a good way. I'm not trying to be pretentious or brush you off, but the latter is how I'm feeling right now. I'm really proud of this fic and have worked hard on it, and apparently the only thing I've done right with it is Rosen and Twilight's relationship, which isn't my focus.

The only response I can muster to one of your points is that Sunset's parts of the story are directionless on purpose, she's spent so long striving to be a princess that she has nothing else in her life, and she's struggling with the realization of that. Otherwise, I dunno what I can say. Thank you for the review, but I'm feeling pretty lousy looking back on it. All I can say is "it's all being revised", but other than that, I guess I'm sorry you don't like it.

Last edited at Mon, Nov 24th, 2014 17:04

>> No. 131294
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Been a while, but I'm back with the 5th chapter of Heavy Crown to see how things are shaping up
Tag: Slice of Life, Sad
Synopsis: When the only other alicorn in Equestria is its ruler, a lot of questions don't have answers. There will be times of trial and error, there will be times when nothing makes sense, and there will be times when it's lonely. Was the crown given to you or forced on your head? It's heavy either way

What I'm looking for: grammar check, make sure narrative has good flow and pacing

Link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1qXkbkNeFKu9ule3r-NWkinq--96aXgBMXCfAQpLOjA8/edit

Chapter 1-4: https://www.fimfiction.net/story/29008/a-heavy-crown

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131284 No. 131284 [View]

3 posts omitted. (Expand)
>> No. 131288
well f-u then
>> No. 131289
You are one of the great scholars of our time.
>> No. 131290
i do not give a, f

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131257 No. 131257 [View]
#Author #Normal

Tell me why I'm bad

This pic isn't related at all but it's cute so whatever
9 posts omitted. (Expand)
>> No. 131269
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Without having read the story in this question:

> What benefit does it serve to describe picking apart a rock pile.
Because it gives every action some importance to the situation. Plus it sounds like there's some serious telling going on, and not a lot of showing.

> If the only relevant bit is the fact that he did it, then that's all you need to say.
The difference between reading a story, and watching a TV show, is that information is conveyed differently in both mediums.

In this case, the reader can learn about a character in the way they interact with the world. In a visual medium we have cues you can send to show how a character does any action. In prose you pretty much place importance only on things you focus on. If you don't focus on anything, it's just floating heads talking at each other until it's over.

> If we just wanted cute little cartoon horses without any curiosity towards other possibilities, we would just watch the damn show.
>> No. 131272
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After having read it:

In a prologue of some 'thing', two floating heads converse, one of whom is recognizable as an important back story character until magic happens.
The second one, 'Lynn' makes me wonder if you know how pony names work.

This is a prologue. It has the basic problem a number of prologues have in assuming that as a reader I'll care because I'm already reading.
It starts well, but then nothing of any importance happens, and a thing flashes, and it ends.

Am I being unfair? Fuck yeah, you wasted my time reading a thing that has no signs of pay off, about two characters I couldn't rub enough damns together to even start to connect with.

It's Starswirl:Origins, and it starts off in a fashion that I have difficulty connecting to my own interpretations of Starswirl, as well as making him a selfish, self centered character fixated on his future importance.
>> No. 131278
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I often refer to myself as a mirror around here, because that's basically what I do: I show you what you can't see yourself based on the fact that you are you. If you don't like what you see in the mirror, don't blame the mirror. Just put some damn makeup on.

>If the only relevant bit is the fact that he did it, then that's all you need to say.
If you think that "a pony moved a rockpile" is all that's relevant then you've got a lot to learn about compelling characters. Minty's hit it on the head. You can learn a lot about a character by how they interact with the world around them. In fact, that's pretty much how you learn about anyone, short of being told. And as we all know, telling in writing is bad.

Say you walked into a room and saw a desk covered in stuff.
What do you know about the owner of the desk? Well, obviously they use it, so... they do a lot of work? might be a workaholic? No, we can't conclude that. Maybe it's stuff that's sat there forever and never been touched, or maybe it's just temporarily there as they clean it out. We don't know. We haven't been told. We know almost nothing about this character.

What if we were told the desk had crumpled papers lying in a horseshoe around a legal pad filled with words across the front page, and a pen placed at an angle next to it.
What can you tell me about the owner of the desk now? Your imagination fills in the implications based on the knowledge it's given.

No. 131270 [View]
I have a bunch of oc's with deep personalities and backstories, I have a basic idea (Slice of life/comedy)
Is sitcomfic with only everyday conflict boring? I just need your opinion.
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>> No. 131275
Hell yeah you should.
>> No. 131277
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Is that where that joke came from?
>Any fics involving Snails, a rock, and a hill, need not apply.
I think I'd like to see the original post.
>> No. 131280
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If I remember it was a chatroom thing in origin.

It all exploded over in this thread though.
You've got Snailsyphus, Destiny, and Snails & The Rock in their prototypical forms, with reviews.

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121064 No. 121064 [View] [Last 50 posts]
#Collection #Discussion

Here is a thread for people to post their recommendations so new people can get a general picture of the highlights of fiction in the fandom, or for people to ask for recommendations.

1.) No self-promotion, your work should stand for itself and make others want to refer to it.
2.) Provide tags and some small additional information for people to know what they are heading into.

1.) Do post on this thread and promoted works that deserve the attention.
2.) If you see people asking for recommendations, direct them here and ask them to delete their thread.

That is all.
176 posts omitted. (View thread)
>> No. 130420
I've been feeling pretty crazy lately, and I was thinking back to the events of Lesson Zero. I would like to see some fanfictions where Twilight goes crazy (like in the episode) or otherwise undergoes severe (self-inflicted?) mental trauma, so if you could go ahead and reply with a nice little list of them that would be great.

Oh, and any stories should be at least somewhat rational regarding the actions/thoughts of the characters; I don't want anything random like Cupcakes.
>> No. 130421
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I remember feeling positives for this one.
http://derpy.me/m104u - If you want to see what I said about the pre-production version.
I didn't look at the final, so it could have done anything, or changed nothing. Still...
>> No. 131268
I'm writing a fic for my own amusement that features a lot of crossover and time travel stuff. Ditzy 'Derpy' Doo is in it and I thought it would be fun for the Doctor to show up at some point, but I don't have any idea how he's charactereized due to having never read any of the fics.

So I came here to ask about Doctor fics, specifically those featuring Derpy as a companion. Which are the better ones and/or those most entrenched in the fandom's collective conscious?

I've already found what I understand to be the 'original' Derpy companion fic, My Little Time Lord:

This one is also a Doctor fic, linked twice on this page at that, so I'll check it out too.

Any others?

Last edited at Sat, Nov 22nd, 2014 13:51

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131251 No. 131251 [View]
#Author #Single fic #Discussion #Normal #Crossover #adventure

I worked hard on this chapter, and I would like to continue this story, please give me feedback.
3 posts omitted. (Expand)
>> No. 131255
It would help you understand the premise of the story, I set up my villains the same way and I forgot to mention that I put a lot of digimon names and attacks with out explaining them so you'd have to look them up on this site
>> No. 131256
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This is odd. I think I'm one of four people in position to actually give feedback on this story. You have a very small target audience that could actually understand this story, and there will will most likely be one that just wants you to continue blindly until you burn yourself out.
That group being readers that like the CMC, and Diamond Tiara, and Silver Spoon, and have an in depth knowledge of Digimon that they don't have to google search every paragraph to know what's going on.

So I can say that I'm pretty sure there's a core idea at work here. If that idea is not just Digimon Adventure with names replaced with ponies, I'll be overjoyed.

But I have problems with things here.

Right now, you're just doing Digimon Adventure plot wise. And you're doing it badly.
You have nine title characters (two more than DA at the same point), plus digimon which pushes right to eighteen main characters, plus villains which puts the number around twenty five, which is way more than even an experienced writer can handle.
In the style which you've decided to do the prose, none of the characters are allowed to have character. They might as well just be name shifted blank slates.
Even Adventure (which I have to compare it to) used it's first episode to establish the world. By first episode, I mean the first movie, which is both In Media Res, and establishes the rules without having the characters stop and explain them to the viewer.
The first tv episode stops to review the characters, giving the reader an idea of who each character is without stopping to explain the engine to the reader.
>> No. 131260
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sounds like a story issue. The best crossovers have references that can be recognized and laughed at by fans of the crossed over material, but present them in a way that they can be understood by readers not previously familiar with them. You'll need to work on that.

There. Feedback. Combine that with just about everything Minty said, and you might be in business.

No. 131211 [View]
#Discussion #Normal

Hi everypony. I was wanting to discuss the topic of the bat ponies. I'm not that well enlightened on their details, but I would love to explore these fascinating creatures.
18 posts omitted. (View thread)
>> No. 131231
Here's a quick thought - what if the changelings were actually allied to greater threat? Like how the dwarves accidently unearth the Balrog of Morgoth. What if the Earth Ponies accidently awakened a creature and the changelings allied with it?

I picture this evil dragon like beast, twisting and coiling in the dark recesses of the Deep Veins.
>> No. 131232
I picture this being the model for the ancient city of Aphal-Khôr: http://www.cinemablend.com/images/gallery/s19079/dragon_age__origins_12495754306171.jpg
>> No. 131233
Could this be an alternate version of Canterlot?

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103290 No. 103290 [View] [Last 50 posts]
#Reviewer #Crossover #Seattle_Lite #Nicknack
Welcome to the meat grinder, the thunderdome, the jungle, the ninth circle of... yadda, yadda, yadda. This is a review thread, and it features two of the oldest and best, in our obviously humble and totally unbiased opinion reviewers on /fic/. We’re happy to help, but you should probably meet us halfway. So, without further ado, have some...

Your post submission should include: Title, Genre Tags, a Synopsis, Word Count, and a Link to the story. We strongly prefer Google Docs. If you give us a picture of words, get fucked Don’t send us pictures of text.

Failure to submit properly will be met with swift retribution. You probably won’t get a review, certainly not from Seattle.

Anything not allowed on Ponychan (gore, porn, all that good stuff) is not allowed to be posted in this thread. If you have something that falls outside of the acceptable content guidelines of Ponychan, you can email it to either of us, but the review will be done in private. If we hate it, we get to let you know without Ponychan mod intervention. Granted, as you’re probably showing us dicks in this scenario, so that’s a fair trade. Any fics involving Snails, a rock,
420 posts omitted. (View thread)
>> No. 129902
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Autosage should be removed
>> No. 129914
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>> No. 131210
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>mfw I actually made this post

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131129 No. 131129 [View]

For those of you that use this board, how would you feel about it being merged with another?

The reason for this idea is that a majority of this boards regulars are condensed into only a few threads, which could easily fit into another board's community without major upheaval.
This would also have the benefit of giving new threads a wider audience.

The current plan i have is to merge with /art/ and /collab/ into a single board (With a tentative name of /fan/, for lack of any other ideas) , but i'm making all three of these threads simultaneously so that plan is subject to change.

Another benefit to merging with those two boards in particular is that /art/ could provide inspiration for authors, while /collab/ may need a creative writer for whatever project is posted.

In any case, discuss the pros and cons of the idea in this thread.
I'll give fair warning before THE RECKONING happens, if it does at all.
33 posts omitted. (View thread)
>> No. 131206
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Kind of off-topic (sorry), but does anyone know any good online writing communities for non-fanfic which operate like old /fic/ did?
>> No. 131208
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Reddit, most likely, has several sub-reddits that would fit your needs.

I never did get a Vindictive (tm) review from you.
>> No. 131217
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131197 No. 131197 [View]

I've started reading MLP fanfics recently. Posters here (on the Internet, I mean) seem to have a propensity for pouring hate and vitriol on things they don't like. Since this only leads to derailments and drama, I had an idea, and I hope others will follow my lead.

I'm going to post about some fics I've read, and then say a little bit about each one, ending with a conditional recommendation. I'm not going to say anything bad about a fic; I will only be descriptive and say what I liked about them.

If you want to post about a story someone already spoke of, feel free to do so, if you have something positive to add about it.

It's important to note that when I refer to 'quality of writing' I mean things like paragraph and sentence structure, grammar and word choice, NOT things like the premise or the story structure.

I'll limit it to one story per post.

Pic unrelated.
4 posts omitted. (Expand)
>> No. 131203
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the spiderses

It made me laugh pretty hard, especially when the author randomly slipped into GOOD grammar.

It had a quality of writing. By the rules of this thread, I can say no more about it.

Recommended for a laugh.

Last edited at Sun, Nov 16th, 2014 02:11

>> No. 131204
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The Conversion Bureau: First Contact

Conversion Bureau stories involve the world of Equestria coming into contact with the real world. This story explored what the event of their coming into contact might be like.

Like most (or all) TCB stories, this one takes place somewhere in the near future, after mankind has ravaged Earth. It casts mankind in a very negative light. That's not a comment on the quality of the story, just a description of its contents.

The story only touches on the Conversion Bureau concept towards the end. Most of the story concerns the titular first contact scenario, which I enjoyed reading about. Celestia is depicted here as a savvy statesman, and it's fun to watch.

Quality of writing is pretty decent.

I can only recommend this if human stories are your thing, or if you have a penchant for first contact scenarios, like I do.
>> No. 131205
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My Little Dashie

I just read this one today. It's a sad story, but it's the kind of sad that makes you feel better about life - and yes, that's a thing, it's why tearjerker movies are such big business. Watching sad movies or reading sad books can make you feel less depressed.

It's also crass, self-indulgent wish fulfillment, but note that I don't consider that a bad thing.

I've seen some people say the environment in which the protagonist lives is contrived, but I was definitely thinking of Detroit while reading it. Detroit is seriously a lot like that, you guys. And living alone and in misery is not even remotely unrealistic; I honestly think that has something to do with the brony phenomenon in general.

So, a lot of people are going to sympathize with the protagonist, a younger adult who lives alone working a dead-end job.

This is a very short fic. I do consider that a positive here.

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131168 No. 131168 [View]


Hey ya'll. ok, so I got done with this fic a week ago. I'm really looking for some extra support. Perhaps a review or a YouTube fanfic reading? Just a few suggestions ^-^ looking forward to hearing from ya'll

Last edited at Tue, Nov 11th, 2014 18:16

10 posts omitted. (Expand)
>> No. 131184
These are actually problems that I struggle with, and I thank you for your help. :) I'll see what I can do
However, I'm making up my mistakes through a short fic. I actually got myself a proofreader for this next one :)

Last edited at Wed, Nov 12th, 2014 21:46

>> No. 131185
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And all taken from the first chapter of your story, I might add. I only caught the author's note at chapter three because I was looking specifically for it. I hope I've made my point that an experienced set of eyes doesn't need to read your entire story to point out it's largest flaws.

That said, as you begin to make less mistakes, you'll begin to find that your reviewers and editors are forced to read more of your story to understand its flaws. It's at this point that you can give yourself a small pat on the back, and continue moving forward.

As always, good luck, and never stop writing.
>> No. 131190
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I'm glad you're up to the part where you don't listen anyways.
It lets me know when my time is being wasted effectively.

At least your tags don't suck this time. What do I mean?
You know which tags don't work on Love Songs? Mane 6-Angel-DJ Pon3-OC.

The youtube link out of the box is tasteless. So tasteless I'm actually opting out of reading this.


Congrats. I'm sure it's worth something being able to terrify me out of looking at a fanfic without resorting to twincest or bloodsport.

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131178 No. 131178 [View]

Just thought of something that might make for a good fic.

In Rainbow Rocks, the sirens need Equestrian magic to regain their full power. But Twilight just leaves the portal wide open the entire time. So what if the sirens walked right into Equestria, absorbed their fill of magic, destroyed the portal machine so Twilight couldn't get back, and wreaked havoc on Equestria again?

Just an idea.
>> No. 131179
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It sounds like a concept with no attached story.
>> No. 131180
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It is!
>> No. 131183
ounds like an excellent concept. But ideas are cheap. I say write it.

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130396 No. 130396 [View]
#Author #Collection #Discussion

I figured as deadslow as this board is, me discussing things I'm working on here can't hurt. I'll just post my thoughts on my current works, past works, future projects, etc, as they come to me. Feel free to jump in, though I realize I'm not exactly critically acclaimed. I shall return to this thread continuously as I go about my incessant pony scribblings, to see what may be gleaned from any discussions arising here.

About me: Well, I'm a darkfic addict, so I really love to see creativity with those, as opposed to just gore for gore's sake. I'm also very cruel as a writer, and tend to seek out every bit of despair I can draw from a character. It's quite fun, actually. I love forcing characters to make impossible choices.

Last edited at Sat, May 10th, 2014 18:32

2 posts omitted. (Expand)
>> No. 130399
And the stuff I'm still tirelessly working on, hoping to someday post for everypony to enjoy.

A Really Bad Story [www.fimfiction.net]
What started as a joke, combined with frustration and discouragement, actually turned into something, and I do intend to finish it eventually. I’m sure Shoeblock—assuming he’s still around—will remember when a disgruntled anon dropped this little ditty off in the Training Grounds back in January 2013. Appearing to be a deliberate troll fic, or an elaborate test for reviewers, this story took every mistake listed in Ezn’s story guide, and abused them with vengeance. It was meant to be silly, but actually became something.

A plot unfolded before my eyes, and I saw that perhaps it could be an attempt by Scootaloo to discover her writing talent. The second chapter was born, and I had a real story on my hands, as Scootaloo ran first to Rainbow Dash, then to Twilight for writing advice, and the story began to run away with me.

It was halted when too many ideas popped into my head, and I wanted to work on bigger stories, but I do plan to bring this out of hiatus perhaps before 2015.

Grace in Equestria [www.fimfiction.net]
I’m really, really, really sorry to everyone who saw this when it first showed up in TTG, and Fimfiction. I had a whole plot written for this, and have been retconning in all the new changes with the comic and with the show, but I’ve just been far too distracted to continue this, and it’s just been sitting on the backburner.
>> No. 130400
A few of the ideas in my head haven’t even made it to rough draft yet, because I wasn’t able to work out the kinks in the plotline enough to find them suitable. The faults in here are pretty obvious, but who knows, maybe some discussion will reveal a few of them worth making.

Flying Blind
This one turned up in a thread on Tumblr, where someone had whited out Sweetie Belle’s eyes. Sweetie Belle has started reading magic books from Twilight’s library, and decides to try some spellcrafting of her own. Attempting a “see in the dark” spell, she accidentally turns her entire world dark, permanently, and must now rely on her magic to “see”. (She can’t physically see anything, but she can sense where things are.)

Sweetie Belle has been boasting her magical talents, and Scootaloo becomes jealous. She heads off into the everfree, looking for a decent cliff to jump from, in the hopes that her wings will catch some wind. Rainbow Dash hears about Scootaloo’s disappearance and heads off to search for her, and eventually finds her trapped in a dark cavern—too dark to see anything. Sweetie Belle has to guide Rainbow Dash through the cavern to rescue Scootaloo.

This never took off because the plot is too loosely arranged, and seems to pull Scootaloo and Rainbow Dash out of left field. On top of that, I never figured out how to end it.

This draws its inspiration from the season two episode “Owl’s well that ends well”. A year behind Twilight at Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns, an aspiring young stallion not only idolizes our favorite lavender unicorn, but has a huge crush on her. When Twilight graduates and moves away, he’s devastated, but doesn’t really know where she’s gone. After doing some research, he discovers she’s in Ponyville, and decides to go after her. Buuuuuut, he’s gotten himself suspended, and grounded, for sneaking into the royal library.
>> No. 131162
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Change [www.fimfiction.net]

I guess this one has been a long time coming, but once I sat down to write it, it didn't take very long. In this story, Twilight serves as the vessel for the emotions a lot of us sometimes feel when the things we love change drastically, or simply die out. Yes, this story is written about /fic/, but it is also written about a few other things in my life. Old /fic/sters may recognize a few parallels I made, and if you must ask, I'm not sure if I'm represented by Applejack or Pinkie. Either way, the poem mentioned is one I wrote a long time ago, but I guess it just took Ponies for me to finally give it enough life for its message to reach me.

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