Discuss fanfiction, get writing advice, or get your story reviewed

Search /fic/ threads

Password  (for post and file deletion)

Jan 30It's happening. [Thread]

File 138019818108.jpg - (49.31KB , 596x282 , fic-badge.jpg )
128564 No. 128564 Locked Stickied [View]

Welcome to /fic/, the board for pony fanfiction and all things related to it! If you have any questions or just want to chat, feel free to drop by the #fic IRC.


  1. Threads and posts should pertain to written fiction.
  2. Threads should not be redundant.
  3. If you request a review of the same story from multiple people, let each of them know you have done so.

Note: All site-wide rules still apply.

File 141958729443.png - (648.92KB , 825x745 , all your ships are belong to us.png )
131375 No. 131375 [View]
#Reviewer #The Training Grounds

Previous thread: >>128937

Welcome one and all to the Training Grounds, the review thread for authors and reviewers, both newcomers and seasoned veterans alike! Do jump in and participate if you can. New reviewers, editors and authors are always welcome! After a year of low activity we finally hit autosage, and it’s time for a new thread. Put some wood on the fire, sip some cocoa/tea/coffee/wine or whatever your drink is, and let’s ship some ponies get those quills moving.

How to get a review: Post a story with its title, description, tags, and a link to it where applicable. Please include all of these in your post and not just a Fimfiction link to a title page.
Remember that while reviewers love to read, they will often lean towards being critical. Don’t be discouraged—use their criticism to improve your writing!

How to review stories: Write what you think about the story (or review) and post it in a reply. Writers want their work to shine so point out faults with gusto, but don't avoid compliments either—if something makes you smile, a few kind words can add a lot to your review.
Put a * in front of the subject field if you’d like your review reviewed.
[hide] tags are useful for long replies.

57 posts omitted. (View thread)
>> No. 132034

Finished reading it. Gonna start compiling my thoughts and you should have your review sometime in the next few days.


Should have answered you a while back. No better time than the present I guess, eh?

>I could offer counterpoints to more things you've said, but I don't want to be that guy who's all "OMG CRITICISM I HAVE TO REFUTE EVERYTHING."

It isn't obnoxious if you're doing it with the intention of learning something, and are being respectful about the matter, and I'm more than willing to admit I’m not infallible. As I said, I’ve simple tastes, so perhaps I’m simply not the person your story was meant for.
>> No. 132035
Hi again, my lovely friends! Everyone is doing well, I hope? Well, I've got another story I'm looking to have looked at.

Title: Bring the House Down



It's been a few months since the Battle of the Bands, and the Rainbooms have been rocking harder than ever. At least, they would be if anyone would book them. Evidently, not many people want to hire half-pony half-human hybrids to play music for them.

Following their first real gig in months, the Rainbooms find themselves betrayed, as the bar they were hired by refuses to pay them. Now Rainbow Dash has to find a way to get their money back and restore the band's dignity--hopefully without getting arrested in the process.
>> No. 132036
I guess I'll update every 50 posts or so to keep this visible

Unclaimed List:

No. 128883 [View] [Last 50 posts]

As everyone should know by now, Equestria Daily has gone almost exclusively to short bullet-point reviews, except in cases where only a small number of items need to be corrected for posting. I enjoy giving longer reviews, but can no longer do so through Equestria Daily, so I will post them here. I will only do so for stories that in my estimation would have passed the old automoon system; others will get only the bullet-point treatment in the email.

This thread is only for the authors in question and me. They are free to ask questions or ask me to remove their reviews from the thread for any reason. For any other traffic, I will ask a mod to delete it. General questions about Equestria Daily or the pre-reading process should be posted here:

Note that I won't give an exhaustive list of errors; I'll provide a representative list of the types of problems I find and leave it to the author to scour his story for the rest.

To avoid repeating myself, I'll post a few of the more common discussion topics up here; your review may refer you to one or more of these.

Dash and hyphen use:
Hyphens are reserved for stuttering and hyphenated words. Please use a proper dash otherwise. They can be the em dash (Alt+0151) with no spaces around it or en dash (Alt+0150) surrounded by spaces. Some usage (primarily American) employs only the em dash, while other usage (primarily British) employs an em dash for cutoffs and an en dash for asides. It doesn't matter which system an author uses, as long as he is consistent.
312 posts omitted. (View thread)
>> No. 131509
Note that this list is not comprehensive. I picked out a few examples of each kind of error or problem I found. Of course, not everything is a black-and-white issue; this is not a list of things you have to fix, but take each under advisement.

>rumors of a strange phenomenon dubbed "Friendship" shows//
Subject/verb number disagreement.

>find find//
Repeated word.

>Twilight goes with the best intentions, and quickly discovers there is more than meets the eye going on in Ponyville...//
That's all one clause. There's no need for the comma. There's an explanation at the top of this thread under "comma use with conjunctions." I see that this is an intermittent problem.
>> No. 131999
Thank you so much for all the detailed feedback! I've gone through, fixed the errors you mentioned (plus a few others as I noticed them) and rewrote several other parts slightly per recommendation.

I kept a Google Doc HERE [docs.google.com] where I crossed off each item as I addressed it, along with the action I took.

A few items of note:

For the italics: I think I wish to leave the letters/journals italicized. Other non-letter parts of the story are non-italicized, and it conveys to me a sense of “handwritten” in lieu of a proper font. Still, this isn’t set in stone, I suppose. Would the [quote] tag be better for this (as used in the sequel), even if the entire chapter is “quoted”?

On the dogma of Chaos, ponies are naturally harmonious creatures I think, and the slow growth of the Tree of Harmony has a wider, more subtle influence than Twilight suspects. Discord's rule isn't generally accepted, but most don't know any better. For Twilight's dedication vow, hers is constant. Others might vary theirs, but I she holds more to stability than she likes to admit. It would bug her too much to not have it memorized.

I did dial back the "true friend" moment with Rarity, hope it comes off a little more natural this time around. I do think there's more than written happening behind the scenes, and the moments Twilight mentions are only a few.
>> No. 132032
Note that this list is not comprehensive. I picked out a few examples of each kind of error or problem I found. Of course, not everything is a black-and-white issue; this is not a list of things you have to fix, but take each under advisement.

The language in the early going about shaking the spoons and speaking for them gets a little repetitive. A lot of the sentences are similar in structure as well. Try to mix that up a bit more.

You're using a limited narrator here, who can speak the character's thoughts for her. For instance:
>It was that time again.//
>Couldn't risk such important information falling into the wrong hooves, after all.//
This is fine, but look for opportunities to put more of these comment-type statements in the narration to keep that feel consistent. Just a little later, when she gets a faceful of water, I'd expect an emotional reaction from her, which is the perfect place for this type of narration. Yet we're kept at a distance, and the narrator gets very factual. In fact, another advantage to these statements is that they can feel very conversational, so the rules of grammar get relaxed. You can get away with quick sentence fragments, which further helps you break up passages where you have a lot of similarly structured sentences together. For instance, look how often you have three or four sentences that start with "she" very close together.

>but stopped suddenly//
We're given no reason why she does this. Maybe when her mother calls her, but that's mentioned afterward, so it's putting the effect before the cause.

File 141521237087.png - (146.11KB , 900x864 , Fixed.png )
131129 No. 131129 [View]

For those of you that use this board, how would you feel about it being merged with another?

The reason for this idea is that a majority of this boards regulars are condensed into only a few threads, which could easily fit into another board's community without major upheaval.
This would also have the benefit of giving new threads a wider audience.

The current plan i have is to merge with /art/ and /collab/ into a single board (With a tentative name of /fan/, for lack of any other ideas) , but i'm making all three of these threads simultaneously so that plan is subject to change.

Another benefit to merging with those two boards in particular is that /art/ could provide inspiration for authors, while /collab/ may need a creative writer for whatever project is posted.

In any case, discuss the pros and cons of the idea in this thread.
I'll give fair warning before THE RECKONING happens, if it does at all.
36 posts omitted. (View thread)
>> No. 131444
I said my goodbyes already, but neat to see you guys one last time.

sadly for all i care /fic/ can be locked offered for download, or merged. In the end i was here mostly more of an annoyance than helpfull :|

then again... I remember my first review from samurai jack anon, till the time i started to review in TTG become a maintainer, after that it was mostly slope down leading to IRC and an occasional review. it still itches the writing but dunno not really pony anymore.

Good luck to you all!

Cheers Dubs,

Last edited at Sat, Jan 3rd, 2015 18:15

>> No. 131996
File 142214052882.png - (214.39KB , 434x465 , luna-cry.png )
I have one request and I'll put it up here so others can see it: Please archive not just /fic/, but /art/ and /collab/.
It would be terrible to see those disappear entirely just because they were no longer active, although /collab/ was always kind of inactive, whereas existing threads on /art/ would actively benefit from any merge, I think.

Hey guys, I'm really sorry to see /fic/ go.

But it's been poorly active since early 2012, sadly, and I was told to steer elsewhere since then. As have I, although I'm someone who enjoys dropping into a place from time to time rather than jumping into a community and getting burned out. It's a shame though because I suspect the /fic/ community will completely dissolve once the three boards are merged into /fan/.

And also because I came here today seeking pragmatic advice about Fimfic, lol. I really do think a board like this serves a purpose and I'm sorry to see that purpose go unfulfilled for so long due to a dissipating sense of community... it feels like a community was never established that was capable of transcending a peculiar time and place and set of people. Maybe something new will come of it. It's sad that there was never any way to heal the split by merging back with the other /fic/ but I guess you can't put the toothpaste back in the tube.

To paraphrase Hunter S. Thompson,
“It seems like a lifetime, or at least a Main Era — the kind of peak that never comes again. Ponychan in 2011 was a very special time and place to be a part of. Maybe it meant something. Maybe not, in the long run... but no explanation, no mix of words or music or memories can touch that sense of knowing that you were there and alive in that corner of time and the world. Whatever it meant...
>> No. 131997
File 142214404543.png - (417.64KB , 792x612 , 138448177775.png )
And a real shame that I was on the trailing end of that wave. I never did meet some of the old guard. Kim especially, seems like someone I'd have enjoyed being around, if old threads are anything to go by.

>it feels like a community was never established that was capable of transcending a peculiar time and place and set of people.
We actually did just that. Many of us still bump into eachother on Fimfiction, or chat things up in skype. We may not all be in the same place at the same time anymore, but we didn't die with the board. /fic/ as a community still lives on, in every writer who still looks back and acknowledges what we had.

File 142052467399.jpg - (419.48KB , 1300x1300 , 1359582186888.jpg )
131454 No. 131454 [View]

I've been in a rut. Used to, I was burning with enthusiasm for, not just the show, but writing my own stories about FiM. But in the last few months, I feel like I've lost that loving feeling. I feel nothing for, not just FiM, but many of my favorite shows. And now, I'm only making myself finish my FiM fics because I never finished a fic and I want to actually finish one for once. I was wondering if I got bored with the shows I watched or am I suffering from depression or am I going through a temporary rut and is there any way out of it or will I have to wait it out or, worst of all, give up and accept the melancholy?

Pic related
5 posts omitted. (Expand)
>> No. 131464
File 142087598793.gif - (1.40MB , 300x170 , spoiler.gif )
Heh, thanks.

Why the Houdini act? You'll be missed. Probably more than I am.

Also, it's whetstone.

>Creepy gifs
Spoilered for 2Crêpe4U
>> No. 131465
File 142088072727.jpg - (42.62KB , 747x700 , 1535746_589504337781697_966399380_n.jpg )
Ah, well, you learn something new everyday. And don't worry, everything will be explained. For now I gotta solidify some plans.
>You'll be missed.
Coming from someone who has openly said he doesn't respect me, that means a lot. Thanks.

Last edited at Sat, Jan 10th, 2015 02:06

>> No. 131466
File 142088096866.gif - (1.32MB , 300x300 , 133230972786.gif )

File 142050430960.png - (273.92KB , 1280x800 , sparklebutt.png )
131452 No. 131452 [View]
#Author #Kudos

So I've had a huge outpouring of love lately on Fimfiction, after someone linked to my stories on here. I can say that views and faves have gone up tenfold.

So whomever linked my stories - thanks. You rock.

~ Sparkler
2 posts omitted. (Expand)
>> No. 131461
There's actually a statistics tab under stories to check what incoming links are involved.

So some people still read things from here. Also, there's the adbots, they like everything.
>> No. 131462

I actually didn't know about this place until it showed up in statistics.
>> No. 131463
File 142074615734.png - (107.83KB , 383x364 , 132631859219.png )
Ah, well, welcome. Around here we show stories a different kind of love: tough love. We're in the business of critiquing your story to death so you can turn it into a beautiful little work of literature that even harsh critics will enjoy. We've been around since early 2011, though the system back then wasn't nearly as sophisticated as it is now.
/fic/ We help Authors acquire better writing skills. Tell your friends.

File 141998695194.jpg - (263.13KB , 339x497 , TLC.jpg )
131413 No. 131413 [View]

Pleas vote for The Luna Cypher here https://plus.google.com/+VisualPony/posts/SQ4Q3xvagYx
The Luna Cypher is a sequel to The Celestia Code, that story in term had a lot of adventure, mystery, show references, friendship building and a little slice of romance. I realy want to hear this epic sequel as an dramatic reading. Therfor i need all of you to help me make this come true pleas help me and the 28 others that voted for this comic.

Link to The Celestia Code: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/141549/the-celestia-code

Link to The Luna Cypher: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/175385/the-luna-cypher
>> No. 131414
>> No. 131419
File 142008855791.png - (17.32KB , 215x258 , 132650914274.png )
Huh, much better than the last two.

This one could actually get some votes in your favor.
I could even be swayed to change my vote if it was positive enough.

File 134805381507.png - (751.44KB , 900x674 , ColoursoftheWorldredux.png )
119870 No. 119870 [View] [Last 50 posts]
#Discussion #General #StoryForge
Hello, and welcome to the eighth iteration of the Story Forge, /fic/'s story idea and brainstorming general thread!

If you have a story idea that you do not wish to write, or are looking for a seed of an idea upon which to build your world, consider this place a literary take-a-penny jar. We can also help flesh out your story ideas, but do suggest that once you get the ball rolling, to move the conversation to one of our many fine Review Threads. If you see someone asking for fic ideas, or posting a few, please direct them here.

Form if you want feedback on your idea: http://goo.gl/3rdNQ
The list of ideas: http://goo.gl/o4sCW

Previous thread: >>106451
312 posts omitted. (View thread)
>> No. 131023

Links to the other crossovers would be appreciated so that I don't have you repeating something you know has already been done.

I've played Overlord, the expansion pack, Overlord 2, and Overlord: Dark Legends as well as The Elder Scrolls Oblivion and Skyrim, so hopefully I can be of help. To clarify the nomenclature, the original overlord is called the "Olderlord," the PC from Overlord is of course "Overlord," the PC from Overlord 2 is the "Underlord" because his "tower" is underground, and the PC from Overlord: Dark Legends is the "Overlad."

The first question is whether this is going to be a Trollestia universe. There have been fics reimagining Princess Celestia as a tyrant, or at least abusing her powers, which will in turn have an effect on the new overlord. I'm going to assume the answer is no, but I'd like you to at least consider Luna/Nightmare Moon, Discord, and especially King Sombra's role in your fic.

Second question is "purple minions," the hypothetical new variety of minions created when the lifeforce of one of the pony races is used instead of sheep. I would like you to at least consider a race of flying minions created from a former pegasi as among the reason for the invasion. I would also like consideration to be given to "black minions" created from Changelings.

Now a moment of headcanon: The stereotypical evil overlord was defeated by a party of eight fairly standard heroes: a halfling bard, an elf ranger, a dwarf warrior, a human paladin, a human thief, a half-giant fighter, a wizard, and a martyr. The name, race, and character class of the martyr who died in the act of defeating the evil overlord were never revealed, but we assume it to be a cleric of the Mumbler's religion. The original overlord, the Olderlord, cheated death by invading the mind of the old wizard. The martyr was resurrected by the few remaining evil minions in the broken tower to act as their temporary leade
>> No. 131407
File 141984661816.jpg - (61.36KB , 335x496 , reynard2.jpg )
I literally cannot find any other place that is both like the Story Forge and also more active. Like, wow. So, here I am, asking for help here, because I'm really desperate for some feedback here. If you know of any good groups that would help iron out a story, I'd be much glad to hear of them.

The story is split between three books, only the first of which I've plotted. Each of them is intended to be between 20k and 40k words (think "Of Mice and Men"), totaling something shy of 90k altogether. The three books together make a three-act structure, while each individual book follows a loose five-act one. I'm shooting mainly for a fable-like Adventure fic.

The Characters
Reynard is a Diamond dog who has run away from the burrow, a protagonist.
Canticlear is a gryphon, a protagonist.
Isegrim is King of the Diamond Dogs, an antagonist.

The Plot
Reynard is found running through the woods outside of Hollow Shades by Canticlear. The two go together into the settlement, where Reynard informs them that the Diamond Dogs are intending to incite a war with Equestria and take the capital by surprise force. Canticlear and Reynard are sent by train to Canterlot. Their train is derailed halfway between Hollow Shades and Canterlot.
>> No. 131410
File 141988885646.jpg - (6.88KB , 231x218 , 132657173854.jpg )
Just some questions actually.

One, why does this have to be contemporaneously placed? With the exception of Blueblood, there's no reason to do it in a modern time besides character identification. Which could open a number of alternate stories.

Two, what sort of character are you playing Celestia as? Is she a pragmatic realist or an idyllic dreamer? Who Celestia is plays a huge role how she decides to affect the plot and:

Three, what type of governments are you thinking of? I can tell your Diamond Dogs are probably tribal with a patriarchal system behind them. I can't tell what your gryphons are though.
If you're just running Canterlot as a peaceful pony kingdom, I must remind you that Canterlot is a citadel built into the side of a cliff face, ie a fort designed for city defense.

How big are you thinking this war will get, because your 5x3 act structure seems a little small for it.
People are gonna die. Risk of death makes sacrifice meaningful. The way this is structured, there's going to be visceral, Shakespearean level could-have-been-prevented-but-wasn't death.

No. 131400 [View]
#Identification Request

I recently entered this page on YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KIkCzrePie8 - and while the video was running, I heard what I think was the opening to some kind of radioplay or dramatic reading playing in the background. Frankly, I'm not even sure it was pony-related, but there are some signs that it was.
I've looked into the HTML data and my temporary internet files and can find no trace of it, so I'm hoping that my fellow Bronies could help.
From what I remember, the audio seemed to be of Princess Celestia lamenting over her immortality. I remember the lines "...thousands of companions, though they're lifespans are that of a candle" and "...there is no delicacy in the world that I have not tried" and "...no one I can speak to...," or at least I believe it was something along those lines.
Frankly, it sounded awesome and I would like to find out what it was. It kinda sounded like the prelude to a 'Doctor Who' crossover.
If anypony can help me find it, please help me by emailing me. I would be very grateful and I would share it with everypony if it turns out to be awesome.
>> No. 131401
p.s. If this isn't exactly the place for this, could someone please tell me where the appropriate place is? :)

File 138242844458.jpg - (559.41KB , 2000x1500 , 441932__safe_twilight+sparkle_photo_pony_toy_book_ponies+around+the+world_myst_cyan+worlds.jpg )
128937 No. 128937 Autosaged [View] [Last 50 posts]
#Reviewer #The Training Grounds
Previous thread: >>128053

Welcome one and all to the Training Grounds, the review thread authors and reviewers, both newcomers and seasoned veterans alike! With the closing of the spreadsheet, we’re going back to square one: just stories, reviews, and this thread right here. Things will be kept track of by hoof, wing, and/or claw with a listing every so often.

How to get a review: Post a story with its title, description, tags, and a link to it where applicable. Please include all of these in your post and not just a Fimfiction link to a title page.

How to review: Write what you think about a story (or review) and post it in a reply. Put a * in front of the subject field if you’d like your review reviewed.

List of unclaimed stories: >>129398

Last edited at Thu, Feb 13th, 2014 11:07

418 posts omitted. (View thread)
>> No. 131368
>I thought it would be too obvious.
I was very low on sleep while chugging along this review, so that could have exacerbated my normal dimwittedness.

Anyway, happy I could help.

Last edited at Thu, Dec 25th, 2014 11:48

>> No. 131374
File 141958100243.jpg - (69.01KB , 700x800 , 780_534410096647914_1447407575_n.jpg )
And my one week goal has officially passed. I was afraid this would happen. I'm gonna promise to get to this when my life slows down, but until then it's open for a claim. Sorry, FMP.
>> No. 131376
New Thread >>131375 New Thread >>131375 New Thread >>131375 New Thread >>131375 New Thread >>131375 New Thread >>131375 New Thread >>131375 New Thread >>131375 New Thread >>131375 New Thread New Thread >>131375 New Thread >>131375 New Thread >>131375 New Thread >>131375 New Thread

File 141923723434.jpg - (1.67MB , 5333x3333 , falling away.jpg )
131338 No. 131338 [View]
Made a Blog post [www.fimfiction.net] about this, but it felt appropriate to make one here too.

Lately I've had trouble picking up a book and settling into it, or picking up a story, or reviewing stories like I used to, and for the longest time I couldn't figure out why. It's not that I don't love reading. I do. It's an incredible escape, and it can take you on grand adventures to far off worlds, all from the comfort of your own home. It's literally a fantasy, but I don't need to spend 500 words explaining to you why reading is so popular. The point is, I can't figure out what's so difficult about it. Once involved in a book, the world melts away, and I sometimes forget that I'm sitting on my couch, or my favorite chair, or that there's a cat curled up purring in my lap, or that there's a cup of black cherry tea on the side table next to me, vapor no longer wistfully floating from its surface.

I think that the reason why it's so great is the same reason why I can't pick it up anymore. Reading takes you somewhere else. It almost literally takes you to a completely different world, where your problems don't exist, and wonderful people go on grand adventures, and you leave your entire existence behind. And I think that's the problem. Reading used to be a fun, relaxing experience for me, where I'd recharge from spending so much social energy. But now that life has gotten so crazy, I'm spending most of my energy not socializing so I can focus on my plan for the future.

What that has to do with reading is the fear of letting go. I'm fighting so hard to control my current situation, that I'm afraid if I let go of it I'm going to lose any stability I had. My mind can't seem to comprehend that I'm not actually leaving this world, and that things will actually be pretty much the same when I return. Every time I pick up a book, and stare through the portal of that brave new world, I linger on the threshold, afraid to step through the port
>> No. 131339
File 141923815310.png - (53.74KB , 303x510 , 48ebc8ff2e46541e86dc662515b4b02a-d4exacx.png )
I used to read a lot more than I do now, and I think the reasons are roughly similar. I've got too much going on in the real world to feel comfortable dropping it all to spend my time reading. There's a fic I'm editing that I absolutely love. I think it's really well written, the story has me engaged, it has some great moments, and yet I can only just barely force myself to read a chapter over the course of several days. There was a time when I'd go through entire books in less time than that, barely able to pull myself from its pages. These days I have so many other things vying for my attention, things that I'm invested in and care about, that reading has fallen a bit behind on my priority list.

File 134901642915.png - (336.00KB , 640x480 , 168583 - artist denialistragic egghead rainbow_dash.png )
121064 No. 121064 [View] [Last 50 posts]
#Collection #Discussion

Here is a thread for people to post their recommendations so new people can get a general picture of the highlights of fiction in the fandom, or for people to ask for recommendations.

1.) No self-promotion, your work should stand for itself and make others want to refer to it.
2.) Provide tags and some small additional information for people to know what they are heading into.

1.) Do post on this thread and promoted works that deserve the attention.
2.) If you see people asking for recommendations, direct them here and ask them to delete their thread.

That is all.
178 posts omitted. (View thread)
>> No. 131268
I'm writing a fic for my own amusement that features a lot of crossover and time travel stuff. Ditzy 'Derpy' Doo is in it and I thought it would be fun for the Doctor to show up at some point, but I don't have any idea how he's charactereized due to having never read any of the fics.

So I came here to ask about Doctor fics, specifically those featuring Derpy as a companion. Which are the better ones and/or those most entrenched in the fandom's collective conscious?

I've already found what I understand to be the 'original' Derpy companion fic, My Little Time Lord:

This one is also a Doctor fic, linked twice on this page at that, so I'll check it out too.

Any others?

Last edited at Sat, Nov 22nd, 2014 13:51

>> No. 131329
I think heard about a headcannon once about Rainbow Dash leaving school or running away or something like that when she was younger. Any suggestions?
>> No. 131330
Involve Gilda.

File 141653440282.jpg - (52.98KB , 873x900 , 1010152_774004682647846_3775261685489642706_n.jpg )
131257 No. 131257 [View]
#Author #Normal

Tell me why I'm bad

This pic isn't related at all but it's cute so whatever
9 posts omitted. (Expand)
>> No. 131269
File 141670281586.jpg - (10.64KB , 250x250 , 132656897668.jpg )
Without having read the story in this question:

> What benefit does it serve to describe picking apart a rock pile.
Because it gives every action some importance to the situation. Plus it sounds like there's some serious telling going on, and not a lot of showing.

> If the only relevant bit is the fact that he did it, then that's all you need to say.
The difference between reading a story, and watching a TV show, is that information is conveyed differently in both mediums.

In this case, the reader can learn about a character in the way they interact with the world. In a visual medium we have cues you can send to show how a character does any action. In prose you pretty much place importance only on things you focus on. If you don't focus on anything, it's just floating heads talking at each other until it's over.

> If we just wanted cute little cartoon horses without any curiosity towards other possibilities, we would just watch the damn show.
>> No. 131272
File 141671693076.png - (30.03KB , 156x164 , 132654929481.png )
After having read it:

In a prologue of some 'thing', two floating heads converse, one of whom is recognizable as an important back story character until magic happens.
The second one, 'Lynn' makes me wonder if you know how pony names work.

This is a prologue. It has the basic problem a number of prologues have in assuming that as a reader I'll care because I'm already reading.
It starts well, but then nothing of any importance happens, and a thing flashes, and it ends.

Am I being unfair? Fuck yeah, you wasted my time reading a thing that has no signs of pay off, about two characters I couldn't rub enough damns together to even start to connect with.

It's Starswirl:Origins, and it starts off in a fashion that I have difficulty connecting to my own interpretations of Starswirl, as well as making him a selfish, self centered character fixated on his future importance.
>> No. 131278
File 141680546967.png - (126.07KB , 307x477 , don't look at me, I just call the shots.png )
I often refer to myself as a mirror around here, because that's basically what I do: I show you what you can't see yourself based on the fact that you are you. If you don't like what you see in the mirror, don't blame the mirror. Just put some damn makeup on.

>If the only relevant bit is the fact that he did it, then that's all you need to say.
If you think that "a pony moved a rockpile" is all that's relevant then you've got a lot to learn about compelling characters. Minty's hit it on the head. You can learn a lot about a character by how they interact with the world around them. In fact, that's pretty much how you learn about anyone, short of being told. And as we all know, telling in writing is bad.

Say you walked into a room and saw a desk covered in stuff.
What do you know about the owner of the desk? Well, obviously they use it, so... they do a lot of work? might be a workaholic? No, we can't conclude that. Maybe it's stuff that's sat there forever and never been touched, or maybe it's just temporarily there as they clean it out. We don't know. We haven't been told. We know almost nothing about this character.

What if we were told the desk had crumpled papers lying in a horseshoe around a legal pad filled with words across the front page, and a pen placed at an angle next to it.
What can you tell me about the owner of the desk now? Your imagination fills in the implications based on the knowledge it's given.

No. 131270 [View]
I have a bunch of oc's with deep personalities and backstories, I have a basic idea (Slice of life/comedy)
Is sitcomfic with only everyday conflict boring? I just need your opinion.
2 posts omitted. (Expand)
>> No. 131275
Hell yeah you should.
>> No. 131277
File 141680343469.png - (203.36KB , 644x427 , 132631865894.png )
Is that where that joke came from?
>Any fics involving Snails, a rock, and a hill, need not apply.
I think I'd like to see the original post.
>> No. 131280
File 141681062239.png - (10.76KB , 300x300 , 133816374251.png )
If I remember it was a chatroom thing in origin.

It all exploded over in this thread though.
You've got Snailsyphus, Destiny, and Snails & The Rock in their prototypical forms, with reviews.

File 141650164172.png - (571.37KB , 1500x754 , my_little_pony_crests_by_kanske_2099-d64l1ss.png )
131251 No. 131251 [View]
#Author #Single fic #Discussion #Normal #Crossover #adventure

I worked hard on this chapter, and I would like to continue this story, please give me feedback.
3 posts omitted. (Expand)
>> No. 131255
It would help you understand the premise of the story, I set up my villains the same way and I forgot to mention that I put a lot of digimon names and attacks with out explaining them so you'd have to look them up on this site
>> No. 131256
File 141652673143.jpg - (155.61KB , 800x600 , 134205845971.jpg )
This is odd. I think I'm one of four people in position to actually give feedback on this story. You have a very small target audience that could actually understand this story, and there will will most likely be one that just wants you to continue blindly until you burn yourself out.
That group being readers that like the CMC, and Diamond Tiara, and Silver Spoon, and have an in depth knowledge of Digimon that they don't have to google search every paragraph to know what's going on.

So I can say that I'm pretty sure there's a core idea at work here. If that idea is not just Digimon Adventure with names replaced with ponies, I'll be overjoyed.

But I have problems with things here.

Right now, you're just doing Digimon Adventure plot wise. And you're doing it badly.
You have nine title characters (two more than DA at the same point), plus digimon which pushes right to eighteen main characters, plus villains which puts the number around twenty five, which is way more than even an experienced writer can handle.
In the style which you've decided to do the prose, none of the characters are allowed to have character. They might as well just be name shifted blank slates.
Even Adventure (which I have to compare it to) used it's first episode to establish the world. By first episode, I mean the first movie, which is both In Media Res, and establishes the rules without having the characters stop and explain them to the viewer.
The first tv episode stops to review the characters, giving the reader an idea of who each character is without stopping to explain the engine to the reader.
>> No. 131260
File 141662364840.png - (363.80KB , 1280x1024 , 40911 - artist echowolf800 pinkamena_diane_pie pinkie_pie.png )
sounds like a story issue. The best crossovers have references that can be recognized and laughed at by fans of the crossed over material, but present them in a way that they can be understood by readers not previously familiar with them. You'll need to work on that.

There. Feedback. Combine that with just about everything Minty said, and you might be in business.

Delete post []
Report post

Previous [0] [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16] [17] [18] [19] [20] [21] [22] [23] [24] [25] [26] [27] [28] [29] [30] [31] [32] [33] [34] [35] [36] [37] [38] [39] [40] [41] [42] [43] [44] [45] [46] [47]