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Apr 17PonychanX version 2 has been released. [Thread]

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128564 No. 128564 Locked Stickied [View]

Welcome to /fic/, the board for pony fanfiction and all things related to it! If you have any questions or just want to chat, feel free to drop by the #fic IRC.


  1. Threads and posts should pertain to written fiction.
  2. Threads should not be redundant.
  3. If you request a review of the same story from multiple people, let each of them know you have done so.

Note: All site-wide rules still apply.


  • Be polite. “You’re an idiot. Twilight Sparkle would never hurt Spike,” can be revised to, “Twilight Sparkle would never hurt Spike.”
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>> No. 128565
  • >>128414 General – Ask an Equestria Daily Pre-reader Anything
  • >>121064 General – Recommendations/Requests
  • >>119870 General – Story Forge/Ideas
  • >>128937 Open reviews – The Training Grounds
  • >>128162 Reviewer – NickNack
  • >>128349 Reviewer – PinkieAnon

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130133 No. 130133 [View]
Forgive me if I'm circumventing some kind of queue by posting a thread here (I've never been to this board, and the rules are rather vague, IE how do you tag), but there is something really bothering with my writing style that I feel is making it too repetitive, but I don't know how to get around it.

I'll drop a few paragraphs of the beginning for an example. Beware, it's slightly grimdark.

I awoke, but all I saw was darkness. I felt around with my hooves, yet they could barely move, like something was pushing against them, though I think ‘felt’ isn’t the best word to describe it. I ‘felt’ nothing. No temperature, no bed beneath me, not even my own skin. In a moment of panic, I began to thrash about, getting very claustrophobic. I flailed my hooves as far as they could go, and soon began to notice that I was breaking through whatever I was trapped in. With one final push, one hoof broke free, jolting up into the open space, and a wave of relief washed over me.

I began to uncover more and more of myself, and, eventually, pushed my upper body upright. A dim, blue light became visible, and I could now see the clumps of dirt falling away from my form. I shook off what remained and looked around to get my bearings. It was the middle of the night, Luna’s full moon shining brightly against the speckled night sky. I was lying in an open field, mildly spotted with trees, with stones rising up from the ground in an organized fashion. They were all identical, rectangular slabs stood upright with rounded tops. Beyond them, I could see a single, small building sitting by itself upon a hill, a lantern burning by the door.

I stood up on all four of my hooves, and promptly fell flat on my face. I prodded the ground with my front legs, trying to get a footing, before I got a glance at what kind of condition they were in. Where there should have been a lush coat there was only exposed meat, and, in some places, bone. I jumped back in shock, as if I expected the diseased flesh to lash out and bite me, and landed on my back. Looking down over the rest of my body, I saw the true extent of the damage; I was frig
8 posts omitted. (Expand)
>> No. 130181
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It takes patience and practice, honestly. I've been a part of this community here for two years, and learned so much that I now begin to criticize my favorite authors. I produce on average about 500 words a day—800 on a really good day. Just pick a time every day, and sit down at that time every day, and just type words.

Close out every other program you might have open. Facebook, Tumblr, Skype, emails. Everything. Close all of it, and full screen your favorite text editor. You may turn on some music if it helps you focus, but you must not leave this state for the entirety of your alloted writing time.

As for the writing itself, and not getting in your own way, I usually jot down what I want to happen in a "spoiler" paragraph at the end of the document, and refer back to it as I type. Helps to keep things coherent. Don't fumble over a word. If you can't figure it out, write the first word that comes to mind (as a placeholder), and make a note that you need a better word there, then move on. It will get easier with practice. Also, bookmark this website; it's beautiful.
>> No. 130183
I'll definitely try that spoiler paragraph thing. The other problem I forgot to mention is this... fear(?) every time I open up my story. It's like I get so nervous, like once I open up this document a clock is ticking for me to be productive, to actually have accomplished something or I'll feel like a lazy piece of shit at the end of the day. I know this is a common problem but I just can't find a good way to relax and get over it.
>> No. 130184
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Somethin' else you could do is try some poetic run-ons, or a simple reordering of your phrases.
Example you wrote:

I awoke, but all I saw was darkness. I felt around with my hooves, yet they could barely move, like something was pushing against them, though I think ‘felt’ isn’t the best word to describe it. I ‘felt’ nothing. No temperature, no bed beneath me, not even my own skin.

How you could write it:
I awoke, opening my eyes to see...

...darkness... nothing. I wasn't even sure I had opened my eyes at all.

Reaching out, I could numbly sense what could best be described as a barrier; it didn't give me any sensation other than the fact that it stopped my hoof from continuing. I couldn't feel it. In fact, I couldn't feel anything.

No. 128883 [View] [Last 50 posts]

As everyone should know by now, Equestria Daily has gone almost exclusively to short bullet-point reviews, except in cases where only a small number of items need to be corrected for posting. I enjoy giving longer reviews, but can no longer do so through Equestria Daily, so I will post them here. I will only do so for stories that in my estimation would have passed the old automoon system; others will get only the bullet-point treatment in the email.

This thread is only for the authors in question and me. They are free to ask questions or ask me to remove their reviews from the thread for any reason. For any other traffic, I will ask a mod to delete it. General questions about Equestria Daily or the pre-reading process should be posted here:

Note that I won't give an exhaustive list of errors; I'll provide a representative list of the types of problems I find and leave it to the author to scour his story for the rest.

To avoid repeating myself, I'll post a few of the more common discussion topics up here; your review may refer you to one or more of these.

Dash and hyphen use:
Hyphens are reserved for stuttering and hyphenated words. Please use a proper dash otherwise. They can be the em dash (Alt+0151) with no spaces around it or en dash (Alt+0150) surrounded by spaces. Some usage (primarily American) employs only the em dash, while other usage (primarily British) employs an em dash for cutoffs and an en dash for asides. It doesn't matter which system an author uses, as long as he is consistent.
165 posts omitted. (View thread)
>> No. 130170

I'm not your dude, buddy.

Nah, you have a point, Anon. I was treating a public thread like private correspondence. I'll duck out now. Have fun.

Last edited at Sat, Apr 12th, 2014 09:18

>> No. 130175

I don't really see the issue with Scoot's aunt as piling on. It's not in addition to her inability to fly. It's the root cause. We are drilling down past the obvious and moving into her true motivations. She can't fly because she's got all this mental baggage weighing her down, and this is the baggage.

Now, having said that, I'm sure I can find a way to do it that is more satisfying. You are certainly correct that Luna should take a stronger stance in some direction regarding that revelation. I'll be revisiting it in a few weeks and I'll work on that.
>> No. 130176
It's possibly not piling on if you give it a reason for being there, but you hadn't made that connection before, so it felt more like being there for the sake of being there. Neither Scootaloo nor Luna alleged any sort of causation. If Luna's not going to bring it up, then it'll take some thought as to why she doesn't or why it never occurs to her. If this kind of anxiety has this result, Scootaloo certainly can't be the first pegasus who's ever experienced it. And be careful wandering into orphaned/abused Scootaloo. It's a cliched enough thing that you have to get it just right, or it does little more than induce an eye roll.

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32807 No. 32807 [View] [Last 50 posts]
As you may be able to tell by my chosen moniker, I enjoy me some Warhammer 40K. And the thought of smashing two settings so thematically opposed together... amused me. So it should be no surprise that I've been picking away at something of a crossover fanfic.

Using MLP as the starting point (obviously), I imagined what it would be like if Equestria became more like the Imperium. What I shot for was something in between, with the rough edges of the granddaddy of grimdark, while still retaining some of the ponies' lighthearted, cartoony nature. Hopefully I succeeded.

Unfortunately, I'm something of a sluggish writer on projects as large as this appears to be, so updates will likely be few and far between. Comments, criticisms and suggestions are always welcome. And I've always found encouragement to help motivate me too. ;)
So with probably some further ado, here is chapter one:
If the response is good, and I get some more written, I'll get it out to other venues.
61 posts omitted. (View thread)
>> No. 129056
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Back again, and still plugging away at this thing. I actually was going to keep going with the scene in this chapter, but it was getting a little long, relatively, and I decided to intertwine the rest with another scene in the next chapter.

>> No. 129071
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Good for you! I hope you are able to see it thru.
>> No. 130174
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Well, that took a while. It's actually my longest chapter to date, by word count, but it still probably should not have taken as long as it has. Still, I'm undeterred. Hopefully getting closer to some parts I've been excited for will keep me motivated.


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130140 No. 130140 [View]

How do I review the proper way? What do I need?
>> No. 130141
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Do you mean in the more general 'How Does One Review', or in the 'How Does One Review Here'?

For reviewing in a more general sense, it's simply a matter of becoming hyper critical of media, yet not giving into the completely human desire of wanting to abandon things that you feel are bad.

Then you have to expose yourself to as many things as possible.

Then you have to look at things that are bad, figure out why you don't like them, find out how to convert that into words, and find out how to convey those words in such a way to at least change the thing that is bad in the first place.

Practice helps.
Find something you really don't like, and figure out exactly why you don't like it, what you do like about it, and what you would change about it to get it closer to what you do like about it.

There's tons of words you can learn to direct those thoughts, and you have to accept that not everyone will agree with your assessments; but that's pretty much the core of critiquing.
>> No. 130173
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I second this. I never thought about it before, but I actually go through those exact steps in my head when I write reviews.

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128937 No. 128937 [View] [Last 50 posts]
#Reviewer #The Training Grounds
Previous thread: >>128053

Welcome one and all to the Training Grounds, the review thread authors and reviewers, both newcomers and seasoned veterans alike! With the closing of the spreadsheet, we’re going back to square one: just stories, reviews, and this thread right here. Things will be kept track of by hoof, wing, and/or claw with a listing every so often.

How to get a review: Post a story with its title, description, tags, and a link to it where applicable. Please include all of these in your post and not just a Fimfiction link to a title page.

How to review: Write what you think about a story (or review) and post it in a reply. Put a * in front of the subject field if you’d like your review reviewed.

List of unclaimed stories: >>129398

Last edited at Thu, Feb 13th, 2014 11:07

223 posts omitted. (View thread)
>> No. 130159
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As promised. As I say in the review, please feel free to ask any questions you wish. I will do my best to answer.
>> No. 130160
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You'll find an email link in my name. We can talk more there. While I don't check it religiously, I do glance at it from time to time on a somewhat regular basis.


It was absolutely my pleasure.

>see pic
>> No. 130171
Lets see if I can do this right.


(The story exists in the same universe as my Dressmaker story.) Rainbow Dash takes to the sky along with the Wonderbolts as they are incorporated into the Royal Air Force to battle against the mysterious Scourge, an enemy with no home nation that appears to be made up of creatures from across Equestria, though horribly disfigured. Dash must temper her flight skills into something more than stunts if she wants to survive as she faces death outside and animosity around her and the Wonderbolts.

Tags: War, Violent, Drama, Adventure, Action


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130090 No. 130090 [View]

Needed, suggestions for the new drinking game.

We simply need a fic related situation that makes you want to imbibe, and the number of shots (or sips, whatever) that situation creates in you. Here's a few common ones to get started:

- Celestia's Sun (1)
- Luna's Moon (1)
- Canon Character has access to Author's Knowledge (1)
- Gushnor's Anything (5)
- Author Character has access to the Author's Knowledge (5)
- Main Canon Character falls for OC ( 1 - 5 shots varies on OC Quality )
- Mary Sue OC ( Bottom's Up )
3 posts omitted. (Expand)
>> No. 130144
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>Mid chapter author commentary
People actually do this?
>> No. 130152
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It can be used to create a dialogue between the author and audience.

So yes, there are people that will shoot their prose in the foot to comment on the activities in their own story. LOL

Internet Abbreviations (3)
Unexplained Abbreviations (1 per)
>> No. 130157
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I'm just adding this for fics in general, not specifically MLP:

1 ounce vodka
1 ounce gin
1 ounce white rum
1 ounce white tequila
1/2 ounce Triple Sec
2 tablespoons freshly squeezed lemon juice
1/2 cup cola, or to taste
2 lemon wedges

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130115 No. 130115 [View]
#Collection #Shipping #Grimdark

Not entirely a fanfic per say, it's a collection of entry's.

I found this person kicking around tumblr and they've done a strange thing with their tumblr. Instead of doing the whole pictures in the form of a comic thing like LMR or many many many other pony tumblr's do. This person has made 1 picture for their "entry" and the rest is written in a 1000+ word entry.

It seems interesting to me, the use of stockholm syndrome and all that but I don't know...

What do you guys think?

I think the tumblr will fail, based on the fact that no one has the patience to read a tumblr instead of view pictures like most tumblrs allow you to do.

Here is the tumblr:
>> No. 130143
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Pretty sure sexual gore material sits on the borderline of what is acceptable on Ponychan.

It won't fail structurally. One entry does not a 'collection' make.
People have been writing things on tumblr for years.

It'll fail because there's no build up, limited cross advertisement, and seems to be pretty limited interest. That's not the structure's fault at all.

There's actually a number of fic writers that do fairly well on tumblr, with similar structures. This is just a bland concept done badly though.

Of course, I'm not being fair to it. But I've gotten really good at reading books by the cover. When the first sentence: Coughing, coughing is what woke her. Comes off clumsy with just a hint of stuff up smugness, it makes me long for the simple complexities of Cupcakes.

It'd probably come across more relatable from a first person pov, as the story seems to have skipped all intent of set up, as it assumes I know who Colgate is.

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105631 No. 105631 [View]
This is more of a rant than a discussion, but it’s one very long and detailed question, so once somepony responds it will be a discussion. This gets kind of psychological so bear with me here.
What is it about fan fiction writing that causes such powerful and realistic emotions to be felt by the reader? It has occurred to me recently that all a writer really does is collect and accumulate a very large number of symbols and arrange them into a specific pattern designed to relate different events to the observer. The reader then views these various symbols and draws up a story from it, but why do we as readers “feel” such strong emotions during some stories. We know they are purely works of fiction, yet somehow we are able to trick our minds into believing that they are actually happening just long enough to trigger an emotional reaction. I use the term “we” loosely for reasons that can be explained later, but I wish to know what aspect about an assortment of words and letters that allows this trick of the mind to occur. Comedy seems the easiest to spark a reaction from; you don’t need to go into much detail to find Twilight’s poofy hair comical, but still, what is it about these things that we find funny. Is it simply the way the hair looks, or rather that it is a harmless unfortunate situation that Twilight finds unpleasant? Why do we find this funny? Sad is more difficult to pull off effectively. I could tell you that Derpy was abused and then abandoned by her mother, and left to die out in the wilderness, but that didn’t make you cry did it? If I were to relate to you the events in a longer and more detailed manner, given it was done skillfully enough I could probably bring you to tears, as did the writer of what I’ve just described. But what allows that to happen? Why is it that we are able to subconsciously convince our tear ducts to overflow when we read about such injustices? Granted I have to do it consciously I am still able to cause it to happen, and I would just like to know why? What is it about the writing that makes us feel so sad? Is it that just a tremendous injustice was done? Certainly not,
26 posts omitted. (View thread)
>> No. 130116
This looks like a fitting thread where to post this.
I have written a description of season 1's feel with tons of comparisons and allegories.
My question is how do I write it more beautiful and clear? more speechful and poetic.

It's like sitting in a small girl's room party in which we're reading stories and playing with our dolls. The room is so small and everything is so childish, yet so blindly accepted that we don't even notice how awkward we look. We don't think about the outside world, we just focus on our small comfortable and relaxing little room where everything is already established and there are no new things and no surprises except for the ones we make ourselves. We cause the castles to fall and rainbow dash to win the young flyer's competition, we cause the ursa major and the parasprites to invade, and we let the ponies interact naturally, in smart cutsie ways. We don't even ask ourselves how do our stories and imagination compare to others, we're so narrow minded we don't know about any other worlds but the small comfy Equestria… akin to a farmer taking care of his crops everyday… like the small neighborhood, but one which we find endearing, with a little bit of class from the french butler serving my food as I view the countryside's meadows.

The everfree forest, nightmare's banishemnt and other stuff are the only things left with mystery, and even those things, we know it's border so well that it doesn't worry us if it'll ever be too vast to explore, so small we don't even worry we'll ever get lost, we only worry about the wildlife which will present itself in our faces. It's such a laidback and peaceful life filled with a charm of magic and finesse, and with a little dash of mystery and action. It's like a hospitable version of the dungeons and dragons world, where the wildlife has been tamed enough for a person to find out it's a nice balance between farming and adventuring. Take out that last piece of wildlife even found in opponents such as black snooty the Nightmare horse and there is no more mystery and stuff to do.
>> No. 130118
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We're all still here. More or less. In a way.

Looks like two lumps of text, and I'm not even in hyper critical mode yet.

I'm thinking you'll have to use shorter paragraphs more. You're trying for a poem, but with the pacing of a report.

>We don't even ask ourselves how do our stories and imagination compare to others, we're so narrow minded we don't know about any other worlds but the small comfy Equestria… akin to a farmer taking care of his crops everyday… like the small neighborhood, but one which we find endearing, with a little bit of class from the french butler serving my food as I view the countryside's meadows.

Like this? This is one sentence that would be better defined if you slowed it down. Spread it out. Slowed down and enjoyed the words rather than the concept. Plus Semi-Colons brah.
>> No. 130167
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you still post creepy and/or disturbing gifs?

No. 130097 [View]
#Author #Single fic #Normal #Crossover #Sad #Grimdark

this is not finnish but i need it reviewed for corrections and edits. THanks

Hotel Equestria
By TrueWGU (CaptainAmericanWhiteGoatUniverse)

In a dark stormy sky. Cool wind in my mane. Warm smell of apples, rising up through the clouds. Up ahead in the city I saw a shimmering light. My wings grew heavy and my sight grew dim. I had to land for the night. There she stood in the doorway. I heard the magic flow; and I was thinking to myself, “This could be heaven or this could be hell.” Then she lit up the lamps, and she me the town. I heard voices down the streets, I thought I heard them say. Welcome to the Hotel Equestria! Such a lovely town, such a lovely town, gotta calm down. Ready a room at the Hotel Equestria. Any time of year. Any time of year. You can find us here.
Her mind was full of friendship. She was an alicorn. She had a lot of really, really great ponies she called friends. How they took out Discord, sweet magic. Some fight to remember, so fight to forget. So I called AJ, “please bring me my cider,” she said, “We haven’t had that friendship here since Nightmare Night.” And still those ponies are calling from far away. I woke up in the middle of the night just to hear them sing, “Welcome to the Hotel Equestria! Such a lovely town, such a lovely town, gotta calm down. They’re living it great at the Hotel Equestria! What a friendly mare. What a friendly mare. With other friends.
Dark building on the cloud tops. A rainbow pegasi; and she said, “We are just prisoners here of the Pegasus device,” and in the great royal hall, they gathered for the feast. They fought it with their magic but they just can't kill the beast. Last thing I remember, I was flying for the door. I had to find the passage back to the land I was before. “Relax,” said the royal guard. “You can fly away all you want, but you can never leave!”
Many ponies are una
>> No. 130099
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Like watching a car crash, but not nearly as interesting. That first line requesting edits with its horrid Shift key use screams "Troll" but the rest of it isn't bad enough to fit the bill.

You'd be better off reading good, published work than writing at this point. You'll learn more and won't have to deal with people like me (assuming you don't choose to read Twilight or its ilk, ugh).

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60309 No. 60309 [View]
So, anyway, tonight I've got this idea. I want to write a short story (almost like the speedfic challenge), but I don't know what exactly the subject should be about.

That's where this thread comes in. Long story short, I'm going to go get dinner with a friend. I'll be back in two hours, and when I do, I'll pick the best concept that gets posted in here. Yes, I'm aware of the StoryForge thread, but no, I want this to be a bit more of a live environment.

So, I give three rules, and only three:

1. Make it something that can be wrapped up in five pages or less. If I wanted to write an epic length story, I've got a bigger project I could work on.
2. No porn, gore, or any other questionable content. The first should be evident for anyone who knows me. The second goes against /fic/ rules (I think). The third... I don't want to write about shit that skirts with indecency, either.
3. No foals or cliches. Foals (Cutie Mark Crusaders, Silver Spoon / Diamond Tiara, Pipsqueak) irk me to no end, so none of that. By "cliches," I mean, no "Rainbow Dash breaks a wing" or no "Twilight messes up a spell." Ideally, I'd like something that hasn't been done before.

How this will go down: When I get back from dinner, I'll come here, make a post as to which story I'm doing, and then have a somewhat finished product presented in under three hours. Hence the 'short' rule. I make no promises about quality other than I will do my best given the time available, but I can say that, at the very least, it won't be terrible.
47 posts omitted. (View thread)
>> No. 130048
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Pony bank tyrants
Homelessness in Ponyville
Rarity's struggle

tl/dr if it's not too hard, please, a story about Rarity knowing where to draw the line between generosity and enabling

Okay, bad Haikus aside, this one hits close to home (literally, at least for me) because homeless druggies are becoming a public health and safety hazard near where I live. They litter their heroin/meth needles and foeces wherever they camp, and surprise, sharps go down the river and wash up on public beaches. Granted, the economy sucks and many people are legitimately homeless/want to be productive members of society and yet can't (because certain powerful people, who haxxor the legal and economic systems that we've all conjured via collective hallucination, have taken that opportunity from them). However, certain others are hopelessly antisocial recidivists who care for naught but themselves and/or their next fix, and will do whatever it takes to satisfy those demands, be it stealing bikes, smashing car windows to trifle who knows what, or begging dollars from naive tourists. There's a cultural war going on in my town between the head-up-the-ass liberals living in safe neighborhoods who couldn't tell such people apart from laid-off factory workers / disabled Vietnam veterans, and the people who spend time cleaning up the needles/trash and drawing attention to it, who want such degenerates gone from all public spaces.

Now I need to take a deep breath and a walk. I've had too much to drink.
>> No. 130051
Twilight Sparkle has 3 hours left to write a good story.
>> No. 130096
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Luna makes peace with Discord through a mixture of mocking of Celestia and bonding over how they were both banished by her.

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130049 No. 130049 [View]
#Suggestions Are Closed

>TFW people start this early, in the wrong thread.

So, anyway, the idea is the same as last time. Just like last time, I'm going to go get dinner. During that time (roughly 30-50 minutes), this thread will be "open" for suggestions. The best suggestions are ones that are simple enough to be wrapped up in five pages or less; if I wanted to write an epic-length story, I've got a bigger idea I could start on. Once I get back, I'm going to pick a suggestion and spend three hours turning it into a narrative.

So, let me reiterate the three rules from last time:

1. Keep it simple. Make it something that can be wrapped up in five pages or less.
2. No porn, gore, or any other questionable content. Obvious reasons should be obvious.
3. No foals or cliches. Foals (Cutie Mark Crusaders, Silver Spoon / Diamond Tiara, Pipsqueak) irk me to no end, so none of that. By "cliches," I mean, no "Rainbow Dash breaks a wing" or no "Twilight messes up a spell." I've got one of those I'm writing, currently, too

Once I've made my pick, this thread will be "closed". Then, three hours after that (or sooner), I will post a link to the GDocs file I write this in.
22 posts omitted. (View thread)
>> No. 130075
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It was beautiful if I do say so. Thank you!
>> No. 130076
Generally speaking, if people care they'll probably come to see the end result. And it's not like they are going to be there for the writing process or cheer you on anyway.
>> No. 130084
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I'm eager to see what you can do.

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129283 No. 129283 [View]

Well hello there and welcome to /fic/. Why am I welcoming you? I have no idea, considering I've not been active in the MLP fanfiction community for… well, forever, in fandom years.

My name is Umbra, and once upon a time, I raped the souls of authors treading on this blessed ground.

Just kidding, I'm only half that conceited. What I'm really trying to say is that I rather enjoy reading and reviewing, and I've been known to provide decent advice from time to time.

Those of you more familiar with me will also know that I am inconsistent as balls. I will not try to make a secret of the fact that I've been known to start a thread, disappear for months at a time, and generally drop off the map at random for entirely unknown reasons. I won't bore you with those reasons, because they're really no excuse. But I tell you this as a warning: I start review threads during certain periods in my life when I believe I'll have the time, and I do my absolute best to churn out reviews.

VERY CLEAR, however, I WANT TO BE (also Yoda), if you ask me to review something, please post knowing full well that I may never get to your story. I want to help this community because I truly love MLP fanfiction, but I have many other responsibilities in my life. This time I have a few failsafes that I hope will prevent us from reaching a point of implosion, so I'm confident we'll at least be able to keep the thread running for a while, but I can in no way guarantee continuity. That being the case, if you are posting a story in my thread, I have no problem with you posting in other review threads. In fact, so long as the other reviewer is okay with it, I would encourage that. Just make sure we each have a clean document to work on.
36 posts omitted. (View thread)
>> No. 129501
Uh, it's been over a week now... You doing all right?
>> No. 129503

Da. School started yesterday. Also other things. PM me on FimFic for more info.
>> No. 130043
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Okay, so, I'm about 2k words into the rewrite and I'm noticing I have a huge problem.

I normally read about 1k words or so of my favorite fiction immediately before a writing sesson so that I can pick up on the writing style and help improve my own writing—and past experience shows a night and day difference between doing so and not. However, the narration style of the book I'm reading is completely wrong for the atmosphere I'm trying to create, and it's not even the same POV. As such, my writing is suffering the same pitfalls as before, and I'm sensing a change in reading material might help.

Might you possibly have a suggestion as to reading material that would benefit this story?

EDIT: I have found something suitable. A small trip to the local library and a suggestion from little bro did the trick. About to start the "Ranger's Apprentice" series.

Last edited at Sat, Apr 5th, 2014 07:34

File 139545163681.png - (450.39KB , 850x470 , Discord the protagonist, and Scruffy.png )
129960 No. 129960 [View]

Hello, /fic/, I heard this might be the best place for getting help with written works.

I have written a medium-sized review on Discord's character, but towards the latter parts I don't like how it ends up sounding, the style becomes very disorganized.
I wanted to review Discord's personality, humour, morality, villain traits and archetype as separate subjects, but they ended up intertwining one another.
Plus I think my arguments on why Discord isn't a great malicious villain end up being weak when asked exactly why, either that or just very unclear.

I would have posted this in txt or word format, but this board won't let me.

See the review below;

>> No. 129965
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Protip: Gdoc links are gold around here.

That aside, Welcome to /fic/. Standalone threads like this don't tend to get a lot of attention, but the board is pretty slow anyway, so odds are somepony will be bored enough to give this a shot.

Although, your first point rather bothers me.
>He's a very flamboyant old man with an equally gay voice.
>he is not rational to teach morals&virtues
>he never keeps his composure long enough to say something intelligent or to be taken seriously.
I don't think you understand his character at all. He certainly doesn't get taken seriously but that's because he waters down everything he says with a bunch of nonsense for nonsense's sake. He's actually quite intelligent and most of what the points he makes post KKAFO are actually trying to help Twilight and the girls. He can be quite profound when he wants to be. And I'm really not sure what you mean about flamboyant. What? A guy can't act totally insane without being called gay these days?

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129925 No. 129925 [View]


What. The Heck. Is This?
>> No. 129931
>> No. 130092
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Third main character of GTA:V crossover, tagged "Incomplete · Teen · Gore"
Would have been nice if you added some information for other people about it, but not really the weirdest story ever.

Trevor Phillips - The most dangerous man in Blaine County, San Andreas. His mere presence strikes fear within the hearts of everyone around him. A ruthless, violent man who would achieve any extremes just to get his way, Trevor is a man with no conscience, no heart, no soul. Until one day, he was greeted by a timid yellow pegasus, whose kindness could melt the hearts of even the world's most dangerous threats and her assertive rabbit friend. Will Fluttershy show him what the true power of kindness and friendship? Or will she falter and lose her temper and her mind?

Problem I have with this synopsis is again, in the rhetorical questions. Because in skimming chapter one, I already know the answers. Yes and she's already insane.

I don't think I would make that particular call. It's better structured than I would assume from it's basic components however, but I'm not sure if that equates to 'good' yet.

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