>>131274 I'd like to reply to points in your review, but I can't leave comments. So I'll respond here.
The scenes with Twilight and Rosen, if anything I consider them the filler, because the story is meant to focus on Sunset and I pay close attention to the things she says and does. If they're better than that's actually quite disappointing that a lack of extra effort on my part achieved better quality than said extra effort.
The infodump in Chapter 1, I know, I attempted to rework the two paragraphs into dialogue but it wasn't working out. However, aside from leaving out what Twilight does with the tributes, there isn't a lot I can cut out, because this paragraph sets up points to build character or story off of later. Twilight ends up using her long-range teleportation later in the story, as to why she doesn't use it to travel to Canterlot, it requires a lot of energy to perform and she's still working out the kinks. Her contentment with just living a day-to-day life is meant to contrast Sunset's discomfort and restlessness with the same.
Chapter 2 is in the middle of revisions, but yes, there are sections I plan to trim down. The recurring bit of Sunset brushing aside thoughts is again meant to show character - she's used to ignoring or avoiding her problems, and spends a lot of the story doing that.
If you'd like to give me a more in-depth review, certainly. I admit you seem very harsh, which is disheartening, but I welcome critical opinions to help me see things differently, and would be open to explaining why I've made some of the stylistic choices I have.
Last edited at Sun, Nov 23rd, 2014 18:18